Many of Trev's questions are ones to which my answers will be familiar to longtime readers of Dawg Sports, so this will read more like a "greatest hits" posting than an original round of responses. In any case, here are Trev's inquiries and my answers:
Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.
The breakaway sect in Bulldog Nation would have to be known as the "Goffshoots."
Ray Goff was Ron Zook when Ron Zook wasn't cool.
These are the fans who persist in believing that the fact that Ray Goff was a good guy---which no one denies---ought to have bought him additional time on the job, in spite of the fact that he was by far the least successful of the Bulldogs' last four football coaches, he was given at least a year more than he should have been given to prove himself, he mismanaged such talent as Terrell Davis and Robert Edwards, and he gave the University of Georgia a black eye by getting the program sanctioned by the N.C.A.A. during a period of utter mediocrity on the field.
Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.
Obviously, Georgia's biggest rival is Auburn. (I hate Auburn.)
Even if the Plainsmen weren't the Bulldogs' biggest rival, we'd have to go with the War Eagle, anyway, since the Red and Black play the Gators at a neutral site and there is no appreciable difference between playing in Sanford Stadium and playing in Divine Brown Stadium at historic Hugh Grant Field where the Classic City Canines' home field advantage against Georgia Tech is concerned.
Besides, there is no fan base more completely deserving of the designation "the mass unwashed" than Auburn's. Accordingly, the blatant corporate sellout promotion for the Auburn game would have to be this:
The Bulldogs welcome the Plainsmen, the inventors of the toothbrush! (You know how we know the toothbrush was invented at Auburn? Because, if it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called the teethbrush.)
Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.
This one's easy: Chick-fil-A sandwiches . . . with bacon.
There's even a book that says so and everything.
With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.
What would I subtract from Georgia's game day experience? On behalf of a unanimous Bulldog Nation, I am here to declare that this is no contest:
Don't let the Arch hit you on the fanny on your way out of the family-friendly tailgate zone, Il Duce.
Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.
Hey, can you come up with a better explanation of why the Evil Genius would be willing to coach the S.E.C.'s least accomplished program?
Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.
(Image courtesy The M Zone.)
Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.
Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Were it within my power to fire Myles Brand and replace him with the person of my choosing, that person would be Sunday Morning Quarterback."
Those are my answers; we welcome yours, even if you think my list of responses is terrible.