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Friday Night Dawg Bites: Conway Twitty Was a Dirty Old Man Edition

If you're like me, you're getting ready to get your weekend underway, so I know you're no more interested in tarrying than I am. That being the case, I will offer an exceedingly quick run-down of a few matters of interest for your perusal and consideration here at the end of the work week:

Just to clarify, Oregon is the one that wears yellow and looks bad. Kristin Davis, by contrast, wears yellow and looks good. This has been a public service announcement.

Here in Bulldog Nation, No. 9 Arkansas fell to the Diamond Dogs, so things may be looking up for the Georgia baseball team. By the way, you should look for my recap of Saturday's game to be a day late, though I hope not a dollar short.

Be forewarned . . . the Conway Twitty fans among you may not be real pleased with me after you read what follows.

As you know, advertising executives called upon to design commercial campaigns for Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra face certain challenges. First and foremost, there is the question whether to state directly what the drug is designed to do. If they admit its purpose forthrightly, they are required to offer certain medical disclaimers, including an alarming advisory of what to do if the intended effects last longer than four hours.

If they choose to go the other way and deal discretely with the topic under discussion, they must find odd ways to go about conveying their message to their target audience. This involves the use of such bizarre imagery as a couple seated in matching antique ceramic bathtubs on a promontory overlooking the ocean while a voice-over characterizes this as "a relaxing moment" threatening to give way to "the right moment."

The other challenge is one noted by my brother-in-law and former "Dawg Show" co-host, Travis Rice, who observed that casting the female lead in such a commercial can be tricky, since she must be old enough that her marriage to a man old enough to encounter such difficulties is not unseemly yet young enough that it remains plausible that he still has such inclinations in her direction.

While I was driving home yesterday, I happened to hear that Brad Paisley song about how he wants to check some gal for ticks. As I listened to the lyrics, I was reminded once again that, despite the fact that rock regularly is portrayed as the dirtier musical genre, country music really is smutty.

If my understanding is correct, the specific woman Brad Paisley wishes to spare from lyme disease is the cute girl from "Father of the Bride."

This, in turn, led me to think of Conway Twitty, who, quite frankly, turned out some songs that were just plain filthy. Let's face it; the last verse of "Lay You Down" is the most memorable ode to fooling around with little old ladies since Benjamin Franklin's more ribald ruminations.

Then, today, the Friday Random Crazy Idea hit me: Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra ought to be engaged in a bidding war for the right to use the last verse of Conway Twitty's "Lay You Down" as the new advertising jingle for hawking their product. How crazy is that?

All right, that's a sufficiently odd thought to leave you with on a Friday night, so I'm out of here. Enjoy your weekend.

Go 'Dawgs!