The national game of disinterest is, quite simply, the least intriguing matchup of any given weekend, pitting two teams in a contest to which my reaction is absolute indifference. I refuse to predict the outcome of this game on general principle.
I would rather watch back-to-back Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals than watch the national game of disinterest.
This week's national game of disinterest is . . .
Texas Tech at U.T.E.P.
First, let's look at the coaches. I don't care about this guy . . .
. . . or this guy . . .
. . . so the mainstream media can save all the stories about pirates and pickaxes and poor judgment and poor sportsmanship. I've heard 'em all already and I don't care.
One of these guys is Hal Mumme's disturbed brain in Vince Gill's bloated body and the other of these guys is the third most interesting Mike to have been hired to coach at Alabama in the last decade.
Then there are the teams themselves. What, precisely, has either of these squads ever done to deserve my attention?
Texas Tech's claim to fame is that the Red Raiders' former head football coach could have been the mascot for a women's volleyball team. (Photograph from Lubbock Avalanche-Journal.)
Yes, I know it's an in-state showdown, but Texas is a big state. Anytime a place covers as many square miles as the Lone Star State, it's bound to have a bunch of college football programs . . . some good (Texas), some bad (Rice), some resurgent (T.C.U.), some declining (Texas A&M), but enough to produce a few overrated also-rans, of which the Red Raiders and the Miners are two.
If you're trying to find a way to make this competition worthwhile, here's an idea for you: cancel the football game altogether and substitute a musical tribute to the sites of these two universities. At the end, the crowd could vote to determine whether Mac Davis's "Texas in My Rear View Mirror" or Marty Robbins's "El Paso" was the better song about one of these two towns. Otherwise, don't waste my time.
Kristin Davis manages to hide her disappointment that Rutgers's home game against Illinois wasn't named the national game of disinterest. (Photograph from Yahoo! Movies.)
That's your national game of disinterest. I'm not picking it because I couldn't care less.