They're good guys over at B.O.N. and they have a good sense of humor . . . or, at least, I (like William Shatner regarding the "Saturday Night Live" sketch poking good-natured fun at Trekkies) hope they do.
For, you see, Burnt Orange Nation has long expressed the hope that the University of Texas would become the first school in history to win national championships in baseball, football, and basketball back-to-back-to-back.
This would have been a stellar achievement and the Longhorns went a long way toward attaining that goal. Last year's Texas baseball team won the College World Series. The 2005 U.T. football team won the Rose Bowl and claimed the national championship.
The Longhorns' basketball team, though . . . well, it fell a little bit short. They only made it as far as the Elite Eight in the N.C.A.A. basketball tournament.
What a bunch of chumps! They ought to light up the Texas tower with a great big "L" for "losers!"
How many national titles did Texas win this year? That's right . . . two.
In order to highlight this massive failure of Texas athletics, I will be establishing a new website for the purpose of soliciting donations for a worthy cause.
The website will be called "Twopeat.com." Its goal will be to raise $12,000.00 so we can put a billboard in Austin mocking this pitiful excuse for a sports school.
The billboard will show Texas's baseball national championship trophy, Texas's football national championship trophy, and a great big blank spot for the basketball national championship trophy Texas didn't win.
Beneath the pictures will be the caption, "Shouldn't dynasties win more than two at a time?"
What an embarrassment. Texas fans ought to hang their heads in shame at the thought of falling a full three games short of being the national champions in all three major sports simultaneously.
Just kidding. It seems pretty clear that the University of Texas has the nation's premiere college athletics program right about now . . . and I say that as an alumnus of an institution that has a pretty good argument for second place (our men's basketball program notwithstanding).
I just wanted to highlight the silliness of the whole "Onepeat" campaign, which needed one more good skewering for old time's sake.
As for the Longhorns, how will they be able console themselves that they didn't make it to the Final Four? Somehow, I think they'll manage.