Tag: the onion

Change Scope

Filter By

Fresh Links: Karma Police Edition

127

Campbell breaks leg, completes successful PK. Rask lets off steam at morning skate. Jagr outbattled Malkin to set up Bergeron's GWG. Krug practiced "Hero Puck Skills." CBC HNIC opening video "Karma...

Tim Tebow's success 'inspiring other teams to start shitty quarterbacks'

2

The Onion nails it again as only they can... Hat tip to Chris Rico.

From The Onion: 10/16/11 Nation's Untalented Fast Wide Receivers Mourn Passing Of Only...

+
635

From The Onion: 10/16/11 Nation's Untalented Fast Wide Receivers Mourn Passing Of Only Employer OAKLAND, CA—Shortly after Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis passed away last week, scores of the nation's incompetent but extremely fast wide receivers came forward to mourn the loss of their only employer. "I feel like the last of a generation," Raiders wideout Darrius Heyward-Bey told reporters Friday, stressing how proud he is to be part of a fraternity of lightning-quick but sloppy and stone-handed pass catchers drafted by Oakland who never panned out. "My heart really breaks for all the super-fast kids who can't catch in college and high school right now. Who will draft and ultimately wind up disappointed with them?" The Raiders announced that at halftime of Sunday’s game they will honor Davis for employing most of the NFL’s talentless speedsters over the past 25 years, with Heyward-Bey, Denarious Moore, Jacoby Ford, Louis Murphy, Arman Shields, Chaz Schilens, Johnnie Lee Higgins, Jonathan Holland, Kevin McMahan, Carlos Francis, Johnnie Morant, Doug Gabriel, Ryan Hoag, Ken-Yon Rambo, Jerry Porter, Dameane Douglas, Olanda Truitt, Raghib Ismail, Ron Lewis, Gary Gooden, Mike Alexander, and Larry Shephard all expected to participate. Tim Brown, the only talented fast wide receiver of the Davis era, will not be in attendance. ORIGINAL LINK TO STORY

Nashville Predators Promotion Allows First 500 Fans to Feed Players

+
"For a few dollars, children and adults will be given a handful of player feed they can drop over the glass—like this—and watch the Predators eat," said general manager David Poile, tossing food on the ice as hungry players glided by, slapping their sticks and drooling. "Don't try to feed them from your hand, though. They may not have many teeth, but the ones they do have are needle-sharp. Also, don't tap on the glass. They'll fight." Little do the folks at The Onion know that Shea Weber is actually a real-life bearded beast....

NHL's Critics Find No Evidence That Penalty Box Reforms Players

+

Gotta love the Onion. This bit was too funny not to share, and especially appropriate after playing the Ducks, given their PIM statistics and reputation.

Excited Mike Krzyzewski: Duke Squad Hasn't Been This Unlikable In Years

3

Ah, the Onion. "We've got Stephen Curry's little brother, a ball-hogging NBA coach's son, three Plumlees, and a whole roster of overprivileged assholes, so all the pieces are in place for this to be one of the prickiest teams in Blue Devils history. We just need to get it done."

NHL's Critics Find No Evidence That Penalty Box Reforms Players

21

"According to the report, an astonishing 100 percent of players have spent time incarcerated for rule violations during their careers. Even more shocking, according to the report, is the 100 percent rate of recidivism."

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Dawg Sports

You must be a member of Dawg Sports to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dawg Sports. You should read them.

Join Dawg Sports

You must be a member of Dawg Sports to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dawg Sports. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker