Too Much Information: I Hate Auburn Edition

Astute Dawg Sports readers already have asked the question . . . where is this week's statistical breakdown? Am I not going to bring you at least a dollop of data or a smattering of knowledge, if not Too Much Information?

Actually, this time, no, I'm not . . . but bear with me here, because there is a reason.

It's not because Bulldog Nation has serious concerns with multiple aspects of our team, nor is it because the numbers are not favorable for the 'Dawgs . . . although, trust me, I've looked at them and you don't want to know.

I'm not going to follow my usual routine because it's time to break our typical tendencies and make some changes. Numbers alone cannot tell the complete story, because statistics cannot account for pride, emotion, and heart, which are variables that make data aficionados cringe yet can make a meaningful difference in a rivalry game.

While I'm varying my ordinary approach, permit me to include a photograph of Rutgers alumna . . . Calista Flockhart! Ha! Totally didn't see that one coming, did you? (Photograph from B.B.C. News.)

Tomorrow's game on the Plains will not be decided by facts and figures garnered from the averaging of 10 games' worth of work. This is so for many reasons, from the fact that upsets happen in this series to the fact that Auburn bears the brunt of the cheerleader curse to the fact that the eyes of Texas are upon us.

This week, I'm taking a different approach. Instead of fretting over numbers, I'm going to shake things up a bit. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to go get a haircut, in the hope that it will have the opposite of the Card Chronicle haircut effect.

That Georgia banner I meant to hang up at home but never got around to putting on the wall before the season started and was too afraid to put up during the season for fear of jinxing something? That bad boy will be on display before kickoff. I may even break out the red and yellow lollipops.

Right now, forget about the numbers. Those are just details. It's time to get fired up about football instead of bogged down in minutiae. Turn the Uga statue a different way. Put on a new pair of game day underwear. Smash small appliances before the game if you think it'll help.

Go ahead . . . get yourself a new pair of game day underwear right now.)

Armageddon isn't about averages and Ragnarok will not be decided by playing the percentages. We are talking about the Bulldogs' oldest and most bitter rival, the ignorant cheaters of the Alabama Polytechnic Institute, in a series that has not been interrupted in over a century by anything less than a World War.

On Armistice Day, Georgia will take on Auburn in a yearly clash of good and evil. Good will be wearing a "G" on its helmet.

My prediction: Good 21, Evil 17.

Go 'Dawgs!