You know how I love a good playoff argument.

I’ve been stating my case against a Division I-A playoff since I first started participating in the blogosphere. I thoroughly enjoy going ’round and ’round (and ’round and ’round) upon the subject. I have no patience whatsoever for state legislators, college presidents, or U.S. Congressmen who abuse their positions to agitate for a playoff.

Self-serving politicians pandering to the baser aspects of their constituents’ presumed beliefs, though, are fair game for cheap shots; the right to criticize them openly, without inhibitions or pulled punches, quite literally lies at the heart of the free speech and free press guarantees of the First Amendment. When a thoughtful blogger treads into the defining mine field of college football fandom, however, he deserves a more measured and articulate response.

This brings me to Garnet and Black Attack, the SB Nation South Carolina Gamecocks weblog whose proprietor has gone fishin’ after a fine week’s worth of work in the form of his two-part proposal for a Division I-A football tournament.

If you haven’t read both parts, go read them in their entirety. I will quote liberally from them, but they warrant your full consideration, so you should not rely solely upon the excerpts I provide.

Brandon---I’m not outing him there; he tells you his real name up front---effectively rebuts some pro-playoff canards by debunking the myth of the "mythical" national championship, noting the relative novelty of playoff systems, reiterating the inevitable diminution of regular-season games under a playoff system, and underscoring the certainty of mission creep.

Brandon then begins to take on some of the familiar arguments in opposition to a playoff, offering, in the style of a formal debate, the following resolution for our consideration: "PROPOSED: That college football fans agree to the following debunking of the arguments of playoff opponents." Unsurprisingly, I take issue with some of these, and I will begin (though not end) my response by taking up the first of these this evening.

Brandon begins:

I will grant that no conscientious person could (and I certainly will not) claim that the B.C.S. invariably has produced the correct championship game pairing---a goal which I, as a fan of the traditional bowl tie-ins, deem of dubious desirability in the first place---but I will continue to insist that the B.C.S., without exception, has produced the correct national championship result.

If we accept as a working definition of "best team" the notion that the team that acquits itself most impressively over the course of an entire season has earned the right to be called the national champion, then Tennessee, the only major-conference unbeaten, was the best team in 1998. Florida State, the only major-conference unbeaten, was the best team in 1999. Oklahoma, the only major-conference unbeaten, was the best team in 2000. Miami (Florida), the only major-conference unbeaten, was the best team in 2001.

The truth of the foregoing assertions, which I offer as statements of what I believe to be incontrovertible fact, is not undermined by the reality (which I also accept as a given) that Oregon, and not Nebraska, should have received the other Rose Bowl invitation opposite the Hurricanes at the end of the 2001 campaign. However, that Miami squad annihilated the Cornhuskers by a 37-14 final margin in Pasadena; no college team would have beaten the ‘Canes that night. There are a couple or three N.F.L. teams that wouldn’t have beaten the ‘Canes that night.

I don’t know whether Georgia would have beaten Miami in the Fiesta Bowl at the end of the 2002 campaign, but Ohio State, the only major-conference unbeaten, was the best team that season. The split title of 2003 between the only two major-conference once-beatens was the most accurate result, in spite of the fact that Oklahoma had no business being in the Sugar Bowl.

Such also is the case in 2004. Yes, the Plainsmen, and not the Sooners, should have been awarded the Orange Bowl berth versus the Trojans, but the Southern California squad that pulverized previously unbeaten Oklahoma in a game that wasn’t even as close as the 55-19 score indicated wouldn’t have lost to Auburn, even though the Tigers likely would have given U.S.C. a better game.

The Rose Bowl showdown between the only two major-conference unbeatens at the end of the 2005 campaign produced an undisputed, and indisputable, national champion in Texas. For all the wailing and gnashing of teeth about the 2006 national title tilt, Florida proved in the desert, and Michigan proved in the Rose Bowl, that the right result was reached. Last year, although Oklahoma deserved the bowl bid that went to Ohio State, Louisiana State earned the right to call itself the 2007 national champion.

Garbage in, garbage out? Not necessarily; whatever one may think of the B.C.S. system---and I, for one, do not care for determining college football bowl match-ups using a formula that seems to combine the conversion from Celsius to Fahrenheit with the worksheet for determining child support under the current Georgia statutory guidelines---the end results have been right.

Even those who believe the foregoing assertion represents too strong a statement, though, have to admit that, whatever the B.C.S.’s flaws, at least this much could be said with a straight face:

Every B.C.S. national champion has had a plausible argument for being the best team in college football that year. Even if another team also had an argument, that argument boiled down to "we deserved it, too" (or, more likely, as in the case of Oregon in 2001 or Auburn in 2004, "we deserved our shot") rather than "they didn’t deserve it." You may think L.S.U. or U.S.C. deserved it more in 2003, but you can’t seriously claim that U.S.C. or L.S.U. didn’t deserve it at all.

Other sports---playoff sports---are a different story, however. No one honestly could claim that the 1997 Florida Marlins or the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals were the best team in major league baseball, that the 2007 Oregon State Beavers were the best team in college baseball, that the 2007-’08 New York Giants were the best team in the N.F.L., or that the 2007-’08 Georgia Bulldogs were the best basketball team in the S.E.C. . . . but, by golly, those are the incongruous, cognitively-dissonant results each of those tournaments turned out, leaving playoff proponents in a very shaky glass house from which to hurl stones at the Bowl Championship Series.

Criticize the B.C.S. if you must, but know that, in comparison to any playoff format ever devised, such animadversions essentially equate to Winston Churchill’s denunciation of democracy.

To be continued. . . .

Go ‘Dawgs!

Bulldog Nation is a happier place this morning: Sunday Morning Quarterback has taken a look at Georgia.

When Mark Richt’s quality as a coach was called into question in the comments, SMQ offered this retort:

This is what I’ve been saying!

Go ‘Dawgs!

Back in March, Sunday Morning Quarterback had this to say about Ohio State:

I, for one, was having none of it:

Now that the early returns are starting to roll in, Buckeye Commentary has tallied the poll votes and come to this conclusion:

To put it generously, the evidence for this Buckeye backlash is less than overwhelming:

* Mark Schlabach, who has Ohio State languishing all the way down at No. 3, praises the Buckeyes’ "very stingy defense" and touts Beanie Wells as a Heisman Trophy candidate before revealing his deep-seated doubts in this suspicious sentence: "Ohio State is good enough to go through the Big Ten schedule unbeaten, but a Sept. 13 road trip to USC might decide its BCS title hopes."

* Dennis Dodd tosses out the phrase "against my better judgment," revealing his true colors in spite of the fact that he ranks Ohio State No. 1 while offering this explanation:

Truly, the disdain for the Buckeyes and the fawning over the S.E.C. are palpable. But, wait! There’s more:

* Stewart Mandel ranked Ohio State second, noting that "[i]t’s becoming increasingly clear to me that those three teams are absolutely loaded heading into this season" . . . "those three teams" being Georgia, Ohio State, and Southern California.

* College Football News has Ohio State ranked No. 1 and, after debunking the silly notion that the Buckeyes lack athleticism with the cogent point that the team annually sends scads of players to the N.F.L., the site explains that the former "national punching bag . . . will be good enough to get another shot with almost everyone of note returning." To those who would "let out a collective groan at the thought of OSU in another national title game," College Football News offered the reminder that, "with all the returning talent, this really should be 2008’s best team."

* Matt Hayes vaulted the Buckeyes from seventh to second after spring practice, stating his case plainly:

Of the five sets of rankings released already, two have Ohio State ranked No. 1 and none have the Buckeyes ranked lower than third. O.S.U.’s composite score of 121 narrowly trails that of consensus No. 1 Georgia (123) and well outpaces those of No. 3 Oklahoma (112) and No. 4 U.S.C. (111).

The Buckeyes, it should be noted, face that fourth-ranked Trojan club in Los Angeles on September 13, as well as running up against No. 10 Wisconsin in Madison on October 4, No. 17 Illinois in Champaign on November 15, No. 21 Penn State in Columbus on October 25, and No. 23 Michigan State in East Lansing on October 18.

I’m sorry, but I ain’t buying this "Buckeye backlash" business.

Ohio State, which boasts one of the most storied programs in the history of the sport, has attended three of the last six designated national championship games and has appeared in B.C.S. bowl games five times in the last half-dozen seasons. Everyone agrees that the Buckeyes are one of the two or three best teams in college football right now, and influential voices argue that they ought to be ranked No. 1.

The Buckeyes’ daunting slate includes the autumn’s marquee out-of-conference match-up and five games against teams in the consensus preseason top 25, four of which will be played on the road. If Ohio State goes unbeaten, they’re in the national championship game, no matter how many other teams finish with unblemished records; if the Buckeyes drop one along the way, they’ll still get in ahead of several other once-beaten teams, and probably ahead of an unbeaten A.C.C. or Big East champion.

If the preseason polls are at all accurate---and, after last year, heck, we could be in for a bland, predictable, uneventful year in 2008---it all ought to come out in the wash: No. 1 Georgia, No. 6 Florida, and No. 7 Louisiana State square off with one another in an S.E.C. round-robin; No. 2 Ohio State and No. 4 Southern California meet early in the year; and No. 3 Oklahoma, No. 8 Texas, and No. 12 Texas Tech will battle for the Big 12 South crown, with the winner to meet the victor of the showdown between No. 5 Missouri and No. 11 Kansas in the conference championship game. It seems likely that the process of elimination in selecting the national championship game participants will rely heavily on head-to-head results.

The Buckeyes are a major program in a major conference. Given the toughness of the slate they face, Ohio State will be given every opportunity to earn its way into a third straight national title tilt. What we are witnessing in this oh-woe-is-me hand-wringing by partisans of the No. 2 team in the country is the "backlash to the backlash."

The Buckeyes are one of the three teams whose fans need to learn to cope with being at the top of the food chain. Ohio State is where every team in the country wants to be. The Buckeyes are a perennial source of N.F.L. talent and a constant contender on the national stage. They need to come to grips with the terrible tragedy of being universally recognized as one of the best teams in the land.

Go ‘Dawgs!

The news of David Pollack's retirement from football is, of course, no longer news; it may not even have been news at the time it was announced, as the handwriting has been on the wall for a while now. However, the timing of the beloved Georgia great's official retirement coincided with randomterrace's advocacy of retiring Pollack's jersey, prompting perhaps the most forthright poll question in Dawg Sports history: "Should David Pollack's No. 47 jersey be retired?"

The voting was closer than I anticipated. I figured the pros would run something like ten-to-one over the cons. Instead, 89 of 142 total voters (62.7%) favored placing Pollack's number in the trophy case alongside Nos. 21, 34, 40, and 62, while fully 53 voters (37.3%) opposed randomterrace's idea.

Personally, I'm more interested in seeing Pollack standing on the Sanford Stadium sideline than in seeing him enshrined in Butts-Mehre Heritage Hall, but I had not expected more than one-third of those taking part in the poll to give this one the thumbs-down. I'm not criticizing, but I am curious. I would be most appreciative if those of you who opposed the notion of retiring David Pollack's jersey would be kind enough to offer your reasons in the comments below or (like fotodog did) provide a rationale at greater length in the diaries to your right.

I'm not calling out those who voted nay; I was just surprised by the relatively narrow margin and I'm genuinely interested in hearing why this particular corner of Bulldog Nation took the position that it did.

Go 'Dawgs!

By now, you've probably heard about and possibly seen author/journalist Buzz Bissinger's profanity-laden harangue of Will Leitch of Deadspin fame. Go ahead, click on over to Deadspin. Every other sports-minded human being on Earth already did today. Go ahead. You know you want to.

Ok, you're back? Good. Will totally needs our slice of clickthrough traffic like Nick Saban needs your grandmother's social security check. Anyway, if you haven't seen the harangue, you can find it here on The Sporting Life, along with commentary by Spencer Hall, Chris Mottram and Dan Shanoff. Ok, go look. Warning, tons of profanity, none of it from the one blogger on the stage, ironically.

Ok, you're back? Good. Now, it's almost my duty as a sportsblogger to comment on this, this thing. I could quote Derrida and Baudrillard and talk about perspective creating reality, blah, blah, blah. I've got a philosophy degree and I'm not afraid to use it.

But I'm not. I'll only offer a few simple and hastily typed points. One, if you'd never heard of Buzz Bissinger before this, you're not alone. I guarantee you that at this point he was the least "famous" (whatever that means) person on that stage. That says a smidgen about Braylon Edwards, a dash about Bob Costas, and a whole lot about Will Leitch. Leitch got where he is by hard work and smarts. While some of us may criticize his endeavors on occasion, it's not a criticism rooted in motivation, but instead execution. A very respectful criticism. And even then the guy responds not by giving his critics the finger, but seriously reexamining his content. How can you not dig that?

I hated watching this whole thing because I read Friday Night Lights, the only work of Bissinger's that most people have ever heard of (sad, but true), and really liked it. It was truly Pulitzer class work.

But the poor guy didn't realize on this day that his profane ranting and rude refusal to even hear what his imagined adversary had to say was exactly what the best bloggers don't do. And it evidenced what many of us in the blogging world have long suspected: if all the newspaper editors took a busman's holiday (or didn't get HBO), the sportswriters would be just as lazy and crude as many of the worst bloggers. Assuming lazy and profane is bad. My mother has been trying to convince me of this truism for years with no discernible success. Frankly, some of the laziest and crudest people I've met have been sports journalists. So have some of the hardest working and damned coolest people. Essentialism, like a lot of other -isms, is deceiving that way.

You say poor Will Leitch? I say poor Buzz Bissinger. Frankly, HBO needed a moderately famous schmuck to come on and swear at a sportsblogger. Bissinger apparently answered the phone and didn't have anything better to do. Costas asked metaphorically who would take a stance against democracy. The answer is clear: the guy who has the most to lose from democracy. That paunchy, balding and Red Bull-swilling oligarch is Buzz Bissinger. Accept no substitutes! In the process he became a sad characiture who managed to make Braylon Edwards look erudite by simply insisting that Matt Leinart may not be that bad a guy. Braylon Edwards by the way came across, in my humble opinion, pretty well for a guy who doesn't blog and doesn't seem to have any friends who do, but nevertheless finds blogs interesting as entertainment.

There, I said it. This blog, like others, is entertainment. You found us out Bissinger! This site is not in fact ghostwritten by the lovechild of Tony Kornheiser and Furman Bisher! And I think our readers are thankful for that. If they wanted to know what you, Bisher and Mike Lupica think about any given topic, they know where to find you. The thing is, they're finding you in ever decreasing numbers. The Bissingers of the world would respond that this is evidence of the great devolution of society. This is quite ironic of course, given that Bissinger seems a little sketchy on the distinction between the thousands of people who comment on Deadspin (or the New York Times, for that matter) and the authors who actually write the content, and the fact that the first thing he did when the camera shined on his self righteous mug was to proclaim that Leitch, a man who he's probably never even set eyes on before "is full of s***". If that's what we're devolving away from, then I say good riddance. Talk about getting left behind.

Bissinger also seems to have missed out on the fact that it takes a lot of brains to pull off being a profane little punk. Henry Miller did it. Jack Kerouac did too. Dave Chappelle pulls it off flawlessly. Bissinger however, like the other sad MSM types who refuse to evolve, hasn't asked or offered anything more insightful than "Who, what, when, where, why and how?" since 1988. Too bad. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Buzz, chill out. We don't want your job. Frankly, as Spencer points out, we already have jobs and ours generally pay more than yours because we're all lawyers (except Doug Gillett, who's either a double-naught spy or a male stripper, I can't remember which. Either way, he probably makes more coin than the lawyers). In the end, Buzz Bissinger is going to fade back into semi-obscurity and Will Leitch is going to continue toward his eventual destiny of being the Rupert Murdoch of the sports blogosphere: shadowy, powerful and possessed of a cool Australian accent. Ok, I made that last part up. But again I say, don't cry for Will. Cry for Buzz Bissinger.

It's been a while since I did a post providing you with absolutely too much information on one of the University of Georgia's incoming football recruits. But now seems like a good time to get back on the wagon. Remember the rules, though.

Last week when we looked at recruiting, I noted that the 'Dawgs really needed to sign one or two offensive tackles for the class of 2009, and that they might have to go out of state to do it. On Monday, they did just that, getting a commitment from Memphis (Briarcrest Christian) tackle Austin Long.

At 6'6 and 275 pounds, Long has a good frame to play tackle. His father, Tim Long, was drafted by the Minnesota Vikings in 1985 and played sparingly for the San Fransisco 49ers at a reported 6'6 and 295 pounds. The elder Long is also his son's offensive line coach. And we all love a coach's kid.

In this highlight video from UGASports.com, Long manages a few pretty impressive pancakes. However, I don't really feel comfortable labeling him an "OMG! Can't Miss!" type prospect based on this video solely, for three reasons. One is the level of competition. Several of the kids he's beating the snot out of appear to be about 5'10 and 190 pounds. There's a big difference between handling these kids and flattening SEC defensive ends. Second, his pad level just isn't optimal. Part of it is the midgets he's beating up on, but he does get up high and out over his hips sometimes, rather than sinking his hips and driving guys out of the way. Finally, he lets his feet die occasionally when it becomes clear that he can simply overpower his adversary with upper body strength and sheer size.

That said, I am ecstatic that we got this guy. Why? Well, despite my negative comments above, he also clearly has a lot of talent. He's clearly got upper body strength. And when he's pulling down the line he gets there in a hurry. This indicates to me that, though his footwork isn't always optimal (and no one's ever is, for what that's worth), he has the physical ability to pick them up and put them down in a hurry when he needs to.

There's also the fact that Austin Long stacks up in what I consider to be the single most important statistic in evaluating recruits: the offer list. Long picked the 'Dawgs over offers from Alabama, Auburn, Florida and Tennessee. It may be possible for Mark Richt and crew to be wrong about a guy's potential. But I doubt seriously that he, Nick Saban, Tommy Tuberville, Urban Meyer and Phil Fulmer are all wrong about the kid. When you see that many SEC powers scrambling for a player, you can bet he's pretty darn special. And, as I like to point out when doing these little evaluations, I haven't seen him at the various camps and combines that high school players go to now. The aforementioned SEC coaches have. If they all offered him, that tells me that they've personally seen him do some impressive things.

I also like the fact that Long is already working on fellow Memphian Marlon Brown, who recently got a visit from the coaches. I also really like Brown, a five star wide receiver out of Harding High, but that's another post for another day.

(Somebody had to do it, but Spencer Hall slept late after spending the whole weekend at the N.F.L. draft and Sunday Morning Quarterback is taking the week off except for the occasional draft post, so, before the Black Heart Gold Pants guys beat me to the punch, I figured I'd better step up to the plate and see if I could wrest one of those College Football Blogger Awards for bringing the funny from the fell clutches of Hey Jenny Slater's Doug Gillett, who had the worst Red & Black mug shot of the mid- to late 1990s other than mine. What follows may not be suitable for the faint of heart. You have been warned.)

Lewis Black: We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave. The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising, because we have a carbon footprint the size of the Crab Nebula! By the time your grandkids take a summer vacation to Montana, Glacier National Park will be called the Big Ol' Lake Where the Mountains Used to Be. It costs more to fill up the tank of your S.U.V. than I paid for my first car, but, because using the term "Hummer" makes us titter, we keep driving all-terrain war machines in the suburbs like we're the Empire attacking the rebel base on Hoth . . . which, by the way, will be the scene from cinema you show your descendants 30 years from now when they ask what ice used to look like. Meanwhile, one of the places where they're nibbling on sponge cake and watching the sun bake all of the tourists covered with crude oil spilled from the latest supertanker disaster is the "Sunshine State" of Florida, where college football fans are all tingly over the Gators' Golden Boy, Little Timmy Tebow, who became the first underclassman to win the sport's most coveted award to cap off the screwiest season anybody's ever seen. It's about to start heating up in here, but is that the fault of greenhouse emissions or OMG! Shirtless! photos of Heisman Boy on the internet? Who is the Root of All Evil . . . global warming or Tim Tebow? Let's begin with opening statements. Patton, tell me why Tim Tebow is the Root of All Evil.

Patton Oswalt: I'll be glad to, Lewis. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're like me, or even if you're tall, good-looking, and well-adjusted enough not to need to use humor as a defense mechanism, you remember the quarterback of your high school football team, how popular he was, how handsome he was, and how he treated you like absolute crap. Tim Tebow is that guy, only he's nice, so you can't even enjoy hating his guts and sitting in the tuba section of the marching band sticking pins in a voodoo doll of him during the fourth quarter of the big game. Tim Tebow is a genetic mutant who's trying to take over the world, like one of the bad guys from the "X-Men" movies. Every time he rushes for a first down after freezing the defense by faking a handoff to himself, Tim Tebow makes female fans throughout the stands squeal like their grandmothers did when the Beatles came to town and he causes football traditionalists the torment that comes from watching all those new-fangled four-wide sets being used to establish the run. With Tim Tebow in the shotgun, college football is being transformed into three yards and a cloud of lust. Throughout the Southeastern Conference, there are a number of hated figures with double initials: Steve Spurrier, Tommy Tuberville, Lex Luthor . . . no, wait, that's a Superman villain. Anyway, there may be no one with double initials in the S.E.C. who is more despised than Tim Tebow, and that makes him the Root of All Evil.

Lewis Black: Nicely done, especially for a cartoon rat with a food fetish. Now, for the opening argument that global warming is the Root of All Evil, we turn to the world's foremost authority in the field, despite his complete lack of any scientific background, former Vice President Al Gore. Al?

Al Gore: Thank you, Lewis. I'm very impressed with the fine arguments made by opposing counsel, and, as you know, I have every reason to consider everything about the state of Florida to be purely evil, from their Heisman Trophy-winning quarterbacks to their unnecessarily complex butterfly ballots. Nevertheless, I stand before you to call your attention to the clear and present danger that is global warming. As I have demonstrated before, the evidence of this evil is overwhelming and undeniable. The number of category-four and -five hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years. The flow of ice from the glaciers of Greenland has more than doubled just in the last decade. Over 275 species of plants and animals already are responding to global warming by moving closer to the poles. Malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, some 7,000 feet above sea level. As a Tennessean, I am disgusted by the fact that Tim Tebow makes it that much more unlikely that Phillip Fulmer will be able to beat the Gators consistently, particularly in the Swamp, but, on balance, I believe we have to conclude that a renewed period of Gator dominance over the Southeastern Conference is the lesser of two evils when compared the eventual extinction of all life upon this planet.

Lewis Black: Good job, Mr. Vice President. You've been a major party nominee for president, so you know from the lesser of two evils. Judging by the applause, it seems as though the audience is on your side, but, unfortunately for you, this is yet another forum in which your popular vote majority doesn't mean jack squat. Mr. Vice President, Spence, prepare yourselves for my inquisition. Patton, Tim Tebow strikes me as a fine Christian young man. How could he possibly be evil?

Patton Oswalt: Well, Jewish Black, Mel Gibson seemed like a fine Christian young man, too, back in his "Lethal Weapon" days, but that was before he got drunk and started blaming your people for starting every conflict in world history short of the Conference Wars. Oh, sure, Tim Tebow talks a great game as the nice upstanding altar boy, but we've all seen the pictures of him picking up guys and licking his teammates and hanging out with girls with breast implants Pamela Anderson would consider ostentatious. O.K., so his parents went to the Philippines to assume missionary positions; Steve Spurrier was a preacher's kid, too, but, after he went to school in Gainesville, no one started calling him the Noble Genius, did they? Send a good kid to the University of Florida and he comes out as the spawn of Satan. Didn't "The Devil's Advocate" teach you anything? If it happened to Steve Superior and it happened to Keanu Reeves, it'll happen to Tim Tebow, too. How's that for an inconvenient truth?

Lewis Black: Thank you, Patton. Actually, "The Devil's Advocate" didn't teach me anything, because I was too busy checking out the hot redhead to pay attention to the insipid plot, but I see your point. Al, I went ice-fishing once, and it sucked. Meanwhile, everybody loves to go to the beach. I'm seeing global warming as a win-win. What am I missing here?

Al Gore: Lewis, I sense that you're kidding, and I think you know that no one enjoys a good joke more than me, but this is no laughing matter.  The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has reported "that increased frequency of heat stress, droughts and floods negatively affect crop yields and livestock beyond the impacts of mean climate change, creating the possibility for surprises, with impacts that are larger, and occurring earlier, than predicted using changes in mean variables alone." Far from being "a win-win," climate change adversely affects fiber, food, and forestry by altering the risks of fires and the outbreak of pathogens and pests, and the effects of these changes are particularly harmful to subsistence sectors at low latitudes. In layman's terms, Lewis, that's no day at the beach.

Lewis Black: I didn't understand a word of that, Skippy, but I'll cut you some slack because I'm grateful to your wife for boosting my C.D. sales by slapping one of those enticing warning labels on every comedy album I put out. All right, you've both made some compelling arguments, but it's time to extend this line of bad karma out to its inevitably disastrous conclusion. Al, you go first this time. Give me your Ripple of Evil.

Al Gore: Thank you again, Lewis. Once more, I have argued before that, if global warming continues, we can expect catastrophic consequences. Deaths from global warming will double in just 25 years to 300,000 people a year. Global sea levels could rise by more than 20 feet with the loss of shelf ice in Greenland and Antarctica, which would be devastating to coastal areas around the world. Heat waves will increase, both in frequency and intensity, and we will experience greater numbers of droughts and wildfires. By the year 2050, more than one million species worldwide could be driven to extinction and the Arctic Ocean could be ice-free during the summer. That, my fellow Americans, is global warming's Ripple of Evil.

Lewis Black: Scary stuff, Al, and it's only getting worse, because, now, I'm so frightened, my digestive system has increased its emission of greenhouse gases. Patton, bring us back down to our apparently imperiled earth. Present us with your Ripple of Evil.

Patton Oswalt: Vice President Gore calls that a nightmare? Warmer weather and rising tides? Surf's up, dude! We'll all be like Patrick Swayze in "Point Break" and it'll be awesome! Me, I'd be glad to see catastrophes along the coastline if it meant ridding the world of that smirking pretty-boy lining up under center in Gainesville. If Tim Tebow is allowed to continue unchecked, Caucasian fullbacks throughout the country will begin to dream of becoming running quarterbacks, thus undermining our carefully-constructed and delicately-balanced system of racial sports euphemisms. If code words like "mobile quarterback" and "pocket passer" fall by the wayside, what will be next? Will sure-handed pass-catchers like Randy Moss become known as "possession receivers"? If that happens, the peace that political correctness maintains will break down and we'll all start talking to one another forthrightly like adults. It may sound good on paper, but try actually doing it sometime and see how long it takes you to get slapped with a restraining order and sentenced to an endless stream of sensitivity training seminars. Tim Tebow is the pin in the hand grenade of truth and, if he is allowed to slip out the way he's allowed to batter his way into the secondary, that grenade will go off and get unvarnished expression all over us. America, are you up for dealing with unexpurgated opinions like Lenny Bruce's and Howard Cosell's and Barry Goldwater's? It's like the song says, Lewis . . . sometimes, when we touch, the honesty's too much. The "T" in "Tim" and the "T" in "Tebow" both stand for Truth and Jack Nicholson was right: we can't handle the truth!

Lewis Black: Well put, Patton, in spite of the fact that your "Devil's Advocate" and "Point Break" allusions reveal that you are disturbingly conversant with Keanu Reeves's entire oeuvre. I'm greatly looking forward to the inevitable "Bill and Ted" reference in your closing argument. First, though, we will give Al Gore the chance to wrap up his case in a nutshell. Mr. Vice President?

Al Gore: John F. Kennedy used to say that "a rising tide lifts all boats." What President Kennedy didn't know, though, was that rising tides also inundate wetlands, erode beaches, intensify flooding, and increase the salinity of groundwater tables. According to the Fourth U.S. Climate Action Report, carbon dioxide emissions increased by 20 per cent from 1990 to 2004, and we now find ourselves in the dire straits projected in the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Fourth Assessment Report, which anticipates increased risks of wildfires and of shortages of food and water, as well as the increased risk of heat-related mortality and heavy precipitation events which result in floods and landslides which cause deaths, injuries, infectious diseases, allergies, and dermatitis. These are just some of the extreme events which are coming our way if we don't address this danger, which is very real and is happening right now. In just two short years, Tim Tebow's collegiate eligibility will be exhausted, and he will no longer present a problem that keeps Southeastern Conference defensive coordinators awake at night. Now, some say Urban Meyer's spread option offense, when run by Tim Tebow, is every bit as insidious as global climate change, but I agree with former Air Force Academy defensive coordinator Richard Bell's assessment that the spread option is merely a split-back veer offense with the quarterback in the shotgun and a three-by-one set with three receivers to one side. What's more, the pounding Tim Tebow takes while running this offense is sure to wear him down and limit his effectiveness as his remaining seasons continue. Unfortunately, global warming is delivering every bit as much punishment to our planet as opposing linebackers are delivering to Tim Tebow. At this rate, neither is likely to last much longer, but, while the worst that can come from the loss of a Heisman Trophy-winning Florida signal-caller is Doug Johnson as a starting quarterback, global warming leaves the fate of the earth hanging in the balance. Clearly, the latter possibility is the Root of All Evil, unless you're a Gator fan.

Lewis Black: That was compelling and deeply moving, Al. Explain to me again how the heck you managed to lose to George Bush? Patton, you get the last word. Make it count, Bilbo.

Patton Oswalt: Vice President Gore is a man of integrity, a man of conviction, and a man for whom I voted after spending three hours on line for what turned out to be nothing. He encourages us to take the long view, to delay our selfish short-term gratification for the greater good, and to think of the future that our children and grandchildren will inherit. To that, I say, dude, we're Americans! We live in the now, man! We're going to spend that economic stimulus check, outsource and offshore every economic activity that produces an actual product, max out our credit card limits, and fiddle while Rome burns fossil fuels! Al Gore's trying to get me freaked out over crap that ain't going to happen until 2050? Hey, I'm an overweight standup comic, people; if I make it to 2010 and see whether the monolith really does help Roy Scheider and John Lithgow make peace with the Soviet Union, I'll already be living on borrowed time! Hel-lo! Am I the only one who remembers John Belushi and Chris Farley? Guys my size who tell jokes have the life expectancy of romantic poets! Well, O.K. . . . guys my size who tell funny jokes, which explains Jim Belushi's longevity. If your honor will give me a moment in chambers, I'll be happy to explain to him how I intend to use whatever time I have left on this earth to put the par-tay in ex parte. Al Gore can worry all he wants about stuff that may happen after we're dead, but Tim Tebow is an immediate threat. Carpe diem and lots of other Latin phrases I don't really understand, my friends. So what if all eleven people in Greenland decided to defrost their freezers all at once? How bad can global boring be if it's so dull? Evil is supposed to be exciting; if it were lame and morally wrong, no one would do it! Evil is about life in the fast lane, folks, and, while worldwide climate change is slow, Tim Tebow is coming at us with S.E.C. speed.

Lewis Black: Gentlemen, you've both done a fine job. I am now ready to render my verdict. Simply stated, global warming has the potential to end all life on this planet. Having met some of that life, I'm not entirely convinced this is a bad thing, but I'm willing to treat it as a net negative for the sake of argument. If we define "evil" as including anyone whose leg I'd like to see snapped in two on live television like Joe Theismann's, then, my, oh, my, Tim Tebow must be the most evil thing ever. Then again, global warming and Tim Tebow may be equally evil, since, after all, they both encourage the wearing of jorts. At the end of the day, though, I think about all these melting glaciers, rising tides, massive heat waves, droughts, floods, wildfires, food shortages, and mass extinctions of multiple species, and I think, que sera sera, but those insufferable Gator fans getting to gloat over another national championship and another Heisman Trophy after going nearly 60 years without winning so much as a single official S.E.C. title? That I couldn't tolerate. Yeah, I guess it'd be nice to save the planet and all, but I never looked good in Birkenstocks and tofu makes me gag. Getting the chance to punch Tim Tebow right in the kisser? That would be Kyoto cool. I find that Tim Tebow is the Root of All Evil and I sentence him to spend eternity watching me wiggle my fanny in an end-zone dance as I incur ever-increasing excessive-celebration penalties which will allow me to drag Little Timmy down with me as the refs push us back as far as the seventh circle of Dante's Inferno. Well, that's all the time we have tonight, folks. We'll see you next week, when Greg Giraldo and Doug Benson will go round and round over which is the Root of All Evil, Paul Wolfowitz or Rule 3-2-5-e.

Obviously this is primarily a college sports weblog, and a Georgia Bulldogs sports weblog at that. That's why, for example, we're so excited about the Georgia Gymdogs fourth consecutive national gymnastics championship.

Kyle has made clear that he's somewhat lukewarm on the NFL. I also prioritize the pro game behind the college game, though I think we both choose our favorite NFL teams based on the percentage of former Georgia Bulldogs on their rosters. In this era of free agency, it is as as good a method as any and better than most.

But if like me you're absolutely delirious for some football during the offseason, you could watch the NFL Draft beginning this afternoon at 3:00 p.m. on ESPN and NFL Network. And while you're doing that, nay, before you even tune in, you should head over to the site of our SBN partner The Falcoholic, where Dave the Falconer is hosting a liveblog of the draft. I'll be there, if for no other reason than to tell all the NFL types what a sleeper Fernando Velasco is. Ya'll come on over!

Welcome to Thursday's random recruiting. Let's look position by position at the latest news, rumor, and blatant innuendo:

Quarterback: For some time it's appeared that in addition to Watkinsville native Zack Mettenberger the coaches wanted one of two other signal callers: Tampa (Plant H.S.) QB Aaron Murray or Philadelphia (Cardinal O'Hara H.S.) product Tom Savage. Savage committed to Rutgers recently and Murray will announce today. The totally unsubstantiated conspiracy theory I've heard is that Savage went ahead and committed to Rutgers because he was told that Murray was committing to Georgia. The Florida message board faithful appear resigned to Murray coming to Athens, despite his proclamations early on that Florida was his childhood favorite and dream school. Logically, the depth chart in Athens may make more sense for him, and Murray made no secret of the fact that he was blown away by his visits to the Classic City.

But I still have my doubts about this one, despite the hype. Remember Tyler Love? The five star all-everything offensive tackle prospect from last year who did everything but rent an apartment on Broad Street but then signed with Alabama because it was his childhood favorite? Exactly. Even if Murray verbals to Georgia, expect Urban Meyer to show his usual restraint. In other words, we'll still be fighting it out until signing day. And we'll all have to hope that Aaron keeps his academic affairs in order.

Linebacker: Again, we just don't have a lot of slots. But we continue to pursue Jarvis Jones. The guy has that much potential. I think it's safe to say though that various other solid instate linebackers (Jonathan Davis, Corico Hawkins and Eric Fields come to mind) are truly off the board. Though I still think Davis could contribute at other positions.

Defensive end: If you have the chance, go to UGASports.com and take a look at the film of Phoenix (Desert Vista H.S.) defensive end Devon Kennard, who has an offer from Georgia. The guy reminds me a lot of Charles Johnson coming out of high school. He's just that much bigger, faster and stronger than everyone else on the field. When Mark Richt says that the coaches are willing to go out of state to get a truly exceptional player, I think this is what he means. It will be very difficult to get this young man to leave the southwest to come to Athens. Heck, Pete Carroll is probably doing one handed pushups while penning Kennard a handwritten letter right now. But that deosn't mean we shouldn't try, at least in one blogger's opinion.

Offensive line: By now you've heard about the commitment of Buford offensive lineman Dallas Lee. Along with Chris Burnette this means that the 'Dawgs have commitments from two of the top offensive linemen in the state, both of whom will play either guard or center in college. Now we still need to find 1-2 good tackles for this class. I still believe Jonathan Owens could move outside if necessary, and Cordy Glenn is working hard to get qualified. But you're never more than 1 year away from the type of O-line drought we've suffered through at least twice in recent memory. Look for the coaches to go after a gaggle of top notch offensive tackles in the class of 2009. They may have to go out of state to do it, though. Until later . . . Go Dawgs!!!

Earlier today, Quinton McDawg took a long look at the Bulldogs' 2008 football schedule and came away cautiously confident, cognizant of the many potential pitfalls and the need for favorable bounces in a year in which the Georgia slate "goes from its normal difficulty to absurd."

In offering this sensible assessment, Quinton commented on "the familiar sine wave of buzz, consensus, backlash, and backlash to the backlash" . . . all of which attests, more than anything else, to the fact that it's a long offseason for passionate aficionados of college football. For evidence of the backlash, one need look no farther than the observation by a believer in the Red and Black's national championship pedigree that "the thought of them winning it all makes me want to vomit, eat some more, and then vomit again." (In case you're curious, I asked about that level of disdain and received a courteous explanation.)

Just ten days prior to Quinton's most recent posting, Doug Gillett had this to say about the "backlash" phase in the wake of the Gators' highly-hyped spring scrimmage:

This is an understandable and familiar sentiment. When I was invited to defend Georgia's national championship prospects on EDSBS Live (where I stated my case as persuasively as I could . . . although, as NCT noted, my confidence, while strong, is tempered by realism about the factors beyond anyone's control), Kanu echoed Doug's warning, offering the following plea for reasonableness:
While I'm right there with Kanu on that one, I would like to offer a word in furtherance of what Quinton characterized as the "backlash to the backlash." As I hope is clear by now, I'm not a chest-thumping message-board type; I completely agree with Kanu that winning the Southeastern Conference championship is the most important thing, from which all other good things flow, and I understand that Doug makes a reasonable point that it oftentimes is better to fly under the radar a bit.

That isn't always so, though. Had Southern California and Texas been but two of several undefeateds in 2005---had, say, Alabama and Virginia Tech run the table, as well---the sense that a showdown between the Longhorns and the Trojans in the Rose Bowl was foreordained would have given the favorites the edge. In principle, I understand why Doug is "perfectly happy to step aside and make way for" another team that "gets put at risk for a Tennessee-style look-ahead" because "the heaviest hype burden is borne by someone else" . . . but what if that someone else bears that burden and runs that risk successfully?

Doug is worried that the 2008 Bulldogs could be "suckerpunched the moment they actually took the field" like overhyped Auburn in 2003, and that risk undoubtedly is real, but do we really want the luxury of languishing in the relative obscurity of lowered expectations if it means taking the chance of turning out like underappreciated Auburn in 2004?

After having spent the summer rebutting Stewart Mandel's asinine observations about my alma mater's national stature, I am disinclined to inch the bar incrementally down. We have one of the best coaches in the conference . . . heck, in the country. In fact, Mark Richt is the best coach in Georgia history. Ours is among the premiere athletics programs in the Southeastern Conference; at the moment, Florida and Louisiana State are Georgia's only gridiron peers in the league.

While I do not advocate arrogance, which inevitably will come back to haunt you and which is not consistent with Coach Richt's personality in any case, I believe we should begin accepting---indeed, embracing---raised expectations at Georgia. I wrote once that this program appeared on the verge of becoming Southern Cal with a Southern accent. I stand by that position today.

Yes, I understand that luck and injuries play a crucial role. Anyone who says he knows now which team will win the national championship is wrong, even if his prediction is borne out in the end. To go back to the 2005 example, everyone's expectation that Texas and U.S.C. would meet in Pasadena proved to be correct, but, if Reggie Bush and Vince Young had turned in merely extraordinary, instead of absolutely phenomenal, performances against Fresno State and Oklahoma State, respectively, history would have written a different tale. There is no way of predicting when Nat Hudson will nudge an onrushing Florida defender out of the way long enough to allow Buck Belue to hit Lindsay Scott for a 93-yard touchdown pass.

Historically, false humility has been the norm for a program whose two winningest coaches so far have been James Wallace Butts and Vincent Joseph Dooley, two first-ballot inductees into the Lou Holtz Memorial Poor-Mouthing Hall of Fame. Once again, I do not defend trash-talking or taunting, but surely we should not shrink from expressing faith enough in our team to want outsiders to laud it with what we regard as deserved praise.

This tendency, I fear, is symptomatic of the same undercurrent of underconfidence which still leaves many devoted denizens of Bulldog Nation fearful that Coach Richt one day might leave, despite all evidence to the contrary. Deep down, such fretting is rooted not in doubts about our coach, who has given us no reason for doubt, but in deep-seated uncertainties ingrained in us as a people by two decades of wandering in the wilderness after Herschel Walker became a New Jersey General.

Any such crisis of confidence is as unseemly as it is unfounded. As my brother-in-law, Travis Rice (himself an inveterate fretter over all things football), said on the floor of Phi Kappa Hall in a debate a little over a decade ago, "We're at the top of the food chain, people. Cope!" It's one thing to lack faith in the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (although you shouldn't do that, either), but believing in that for which you have a basis for belief is just common sense . . . yet, all too often, Bulldog Nation adopts an attitude diametrically opposed to that of Rod Stewart: still we look to find a reason to disbelieve.

Tomorrow night, Suzanne Yoculan's Gym Dogs will begin the N.C.A.A. tournament in which they hope---no, intend---to claim their fourth straight national title. Coach Yoculan didn't build the top women's gymnastics program in the country by preaching (or even tolerating) self-doubt. Does Pete Carroll urge his Trojans to adopt diminished expectations? Does Urban Meyer or Les Miles? Does Nick Saban or Steve Spurrier?

Competitors at the highest level do not shrink from outsized expectations; they revel in them. As Coach Richt's brother-in-law and team chaplain says of the man who has built a perennial contender in the Classic City, "You don't become the head coach at the University of Georgia if you're not competitive. Don't take meekness for weakness. Don't take humility for passivity or good sportsmanship for not being competitive. And please don't take not cheating or not selling out for football as not being competitive or crossing all your T's and dotting all your I's for not being competitive." Do you remember how the blackout game against Auburn felt? Do you remember how the Sugar Bowl felt? Why are we scared to feel that way about our team all the time?

I understand where Doug and Kanu are coming from, and their counsel not to get overly caught up in the hype is prudent and wise. We must be careful, however, not to greet top-five rankings and national title talk with trembling and trepidation. I am less worried about confronting the distractions occasioned by expectations than I am about creating inadvertently an atmosphere of fear which could cause the team to wither beneath the spotlight from which too many fans are inclined to flinch.

I alluded to this recently, but it bears repeating that, in the "West Wing" episode "The Red Mass," the White House staff spends much of the action of the show looking for ways to reduce expectations for the president, who has a reputation for being a skilled debater, as he prepares to appear on the same stage with his opponent, who has no such reputation.

Ultimately, this effort proves futile and the press secretary, C.J. Cregg, proposes a bold stratagem. When her colleagues greet this prospect nervously and worriedly, C.J. states the matter forthrightly: "When you can't lower expectations, you only have one thing you can do. You have to meet them."

C.J.'s message is one we all need to heed. Adopting the attitude that your team is a better bet to win the national championship if it starts out ranked fifth or sixth instead of first or second is like taking the position that you have a better chance of getting a date with a pretty girl if you stand around waiting for other guys to strike out with her than if you walk up to her and strike up a conversation. Wallflowers who hope to fly under the radar go home alone, leaving other guys to get the girl . . . and the crystal football.

Heading into the autumn, I believe every man in Bulldog Nation ought to grow a beard, but, at a minimum, all of us in the fan base need to grow a pair. Speaking at the Sorbonne 98 years ago this very day, Theodore Roosevelt had this to say:

As fans, of course, we are, at best, at the periphery of the arena; as bloggers, we very distinctly are the critics who do not count. It is the players and coaches, those within the hedges, who are actually in the arena, striving, perhaps coming short, but spending themselves in a worthy cause at which, at worst, they may fail while daring greatly.

The desire to be a champion does not begin with lying low; that, however well-meaning the advocates of such a course may be, is the path of cold and timid souls. If, in the end, you wish to know the triumph of high achievement, you must not be ashamed of your aspiration to that lofty goal.

We should not wish to see our team downgraded and ignored so that it may rise to fill the vacuum when others fall; we should hope---nay, demand---to see our team given the credit we believe it deserves and to have it focused from the outset on its admitted objective.

We should neither wish nor expect to sneak up on a national championship by dancing around it. If you want to be No. 1, you have to want to be No. 1 . . . in January, in August, in April, every day, every game, all the time.

You can either run with high expectations or you can stay on the porch. Let the Big Dog eat.

Go 'Dawgs!