Bob Loblaw Stole My Xbox: The Best of the Blogosphere

by T Kyle King on Aug 20, 2007 10:31 PM EDT in News

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by presuming to post anything of my own this evening.

Why is this? It's because two College Football Blogger Award-worthy entries already appeared in the blogosphere yesterday, upon which I am unable to improve today.

The first is to be found at SB Nation's Ohio State blog, Around The Oval. Regrettably, Sean was the victim of a burglary last Thursday evening and the perpetrators made off with his Xbox and a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Man, that's hitting a guy where he lives.

Demonstrating the 21st-century durability of regional distinctions, Sean reacted quite differently from the way a Southerner would have responded, in two respects. First of all, Sean mourned the loss of his video games more deeply than the loss of his liquor, whereas anyone of Confederate ancestry would have judged the pilfering of his sour mash as the most heinous of the wrongs done him.

Secondly, we here in the South would have dealt with this affront by loading shotguns, basset hounds, flashlights, and kinfolk into pickup trucks and tearing off through the underbrush in search of the criminals, in what folks from other parts of the country would call "vigilantism" and what we Southerners refer to as "preventing the needless waste of scarce judicial resources in an already overburdened court system by eliminating the middleman."

Just kidding. Still, I have to think we wouldn't have written an elegy in haiku to our pilfered edition of N.C.A.A. football 2008, which Sean did. I mean, we might have written an epic poem entitled, "Ode to Jack Daniel," but haiku? That is a poetic form I reserve for expressing my hatred of Auburn.

Speaking of Auburn, Sunday's other noteworthy post came from The Joe Cribbs Car Wash's Jerry Hinnen, who is running neck-and-neck with Jay Coulter of Track 'Em Tigers for the role of My Favorite Auburn Fan. (After Jay and Jerry, every other Auburn fan in the world is tied for dead last.)

I hate Auburn.

As noted by Todd, Jerry wrote a piece on "Arrested Development" and the S.E.C., next to which such previous efforts at comparison as "The Simpsons" and "Grey's Anatomy" pale to insignificance.

Stop what you're doing right now. Go read Jerry's "Arrested Development" piece.

What's that? You're not an "Arrested Development" fan? Fine.

Stop what you're doing right now. Go buy the D.V.D. box sets of the three seasons of "Arrested Development." Watch them all in order. Then go read Jerry's "Arrested Development" piece.

Look for these. (With any luck, my posting of this picture will cause Amazon.com to start posting D.V.D.s on my ad strip instead of women's Georgia Bulldog thong underwear.)

When the 2007 College Football Blogger Awards roll around, I will nominate each of these pieces for posting of the year. All kidding aside, both of these are really top-notch work, confirming the accuracy of what The Blog-ifesto had to say about the originality, hilarity, and depth of sports webloggers at their best.

Go read what Jerry and Sean wrote. I'll be back tomorrow to try and live up to the standards they have set. Nice job, guys.

Go 'Dawgs!

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no joke

When I click on this site, the thong ad was up on the page. However, that is much better than the ad for Florida gear that I saw a few weeks ago.

by fotodog on Aug 20, 2007 11:14 PM EDT reply actions

The Gator gear ad was network-wide . . .

. . . so I had no control over it.

I don't know what's up with the Amazon thing. In theory, it's supposed to read my content and match the products to the presumed demographic to which I am appealing.

At first, I thought it was just the Kristin Davis photos, which I figured were leading the computers to think I was appealing to the demographic that watches "Sex and the City," which I'm pretty sure I don't.

So I laid off on the Kristin Davis pictures for a while, yet still I'm getting women's underwear ads. This definitely will take some fine-tuning.

Your patience (and your purchase of pink women's Georgia Bulldog thong underwear, of course) is most appreciated.

by T Kyle King on Aug 20, 2007 11:19 PM EDT up reply actions

Bulldawg Boxers

Not really on topic but this is a good story ---

A buddy of mine who is a Georgia Tech alum (Tony) and I had a running bet for years based on the combined outcome(s) of the UGA/Ga Tech football and basketball games. If a school swept the games in an acedemic year then the "loser" alum had to do something particularly odious. Rarely does one school sweep both games. One year (I dont remember which), I had to sport a GA TECH window sticker in my car for an entire year. The best was 1990 (or thereabouts) - after a UGA sweep, Tony had to wear my Red & Black Bulldog tie (that played "Glory Glory") to his wedding rehearsal dinner AND wear a pair of Bulldog Boxer shorts on his wedding night. Somewhere I have a picture of him taken on the balcony of some tropical hotel wearing the Bulldog Boxers. If I had known that there were Bulldog thongs - well there are some things that are just too terrible to consider.

by Blogger who came in from the cold on Aug 21, 2007 9:24 AM EDT reply actions

The Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

by randomterrace on Aug 21, 2007 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

for some reason...

... you equate southern and confederate. This is odd. Certainly it is not a disjoint set, but neither is it, or was it, a one to one relationship.

Few black southerners would have comfortable identified with the confederacy and the cornerstone upon which it's government was based. More than a few white southern Unionists would also have been discomforted by the unfortunate juxtaposition of southern and confederate. And even many ardent state's rights secessionists would also have taken umbrage with this formulation, though for very different reasons.

Being southern ain't the same as being confederate.

by 34hawk on Aug 21, 2007 3:17 PM EDT reply actions

It was just a turn of phrase . . .

. . . in a tongue-in-cheek passage that deliberately exaggerated regional differences for the sake of humor (hence, the shotguns, pickup trucks, and basset hounds, none of which I own, despite being a lifelong Southerner). Plus, it prevented the redundancy of too many uses of "Southerner" in a row.

Beyond that, it's probably a true statement, even if the circles in the Venn diagram showing descendants of Confederate soldiers and Southerners who enjoy Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Sour Mash Whiskey do not overlap completely. (On the flip side of that, by the way, College Buddy is an example of a descendant of a Confederate soldier who does not drink liquor, so teetotalers who belong to the S.C.V. could take umbrage, too, if they were determined to be overly thin-skinned.)

If it bothers you, change "Confederate ancestry" to "Southern heritage," or some similar phrase that strikes you as less troubling, in your mind. I believe this subject was hashed out over a passing reference to Gettysburg early last month and I have no intention of rehashing the whole subject now over such a completely innocuous and ancillary reference.

by T Kyle King on Aug 21, 2007 4:15 PM EDT up reply actions

sour mash

Well, my preferred sour mash whiskeys come from a part of the South that was not part of the Confederacy. So there.

Tangent: My brother recently moved to Louisville. He's had fun casually examining the local culture (food, language, etc.). It's a border town, so you can generate a pretty long checklist of what's Midwestern and what's Southern.

Atlanta's not a border town, but it's pretty easy to generate a checklist of what's Southern and what's you-ain't-from-around-here-are-ya? Dammit! Where's the good barbecue in this town?

by NCT on Aug 21, 2007 5:09 PM EDT up reply actions

I feel compelled to chime in...

I think it's arguable that a confederate-minded person would mourn the loss of the X-Box moreso than the whiskey, regardless of the regional tie to the potent potable. If one assumes for the sake of argument that economic pressures were a significant factor (if not, the strongest contributing factor) giving rise to secession, one could reasonably find that the cost of replacing a $250 video game console would make one...err... inconsolable, at least moreso than the $25 bottle of liquor.

by LD on Aug 21, 2007 4:55 PM EDT reply actions

Whiskey induced stupidity....

... was a greater factor by far.

But, playing along, I think I agree that Confederates would have pursued the XBox rather than the whiskey. In this manner, they could play the war (Civil War 2007!) over and over and Sherman would get pwnd each and every time.

by 34hawk on Aug 21, 2007 5:42 PM EDT reply actions