Maestro, cue the music:
National Signing Day is behind us, and sadly, it just wasn't as bat crap crazy as usual. Don't get me wrong, an uneventful first Wednesday in February is a thing of beauty as regards Georgia Bulldog football. On balance, fireworks on Signing Day have been a bad thing for the Red and Black over the last few years.
But I want badly to see everyone else's signing day turn into a combination demolition derby/Liam Neeson movie, minus the guns and sex trafficking. I'm talking twists, turns, explosions. I want to see Florida Gator message boards in full-on meltdown. Notre Dame fans speculating about SEC fans buying recruits. When Signing Day doesn't look a little like The End of Days, it's disappointing.
Sure, there was the story of Florida tailback D.J. Law, who signed letters of intent with three different schools. While that's not technically against the law, it is against the rules. Law signed letters of intent with Ole Miss, Utah, and East Mississippi Community College. While you can sign with a JUCO as a backup just in case you don't get into an FBS school, you can only sign with one FBS school. Ole Miss, whose head coach Hugh Freeze said on Signing Day that Law had "some academic challenges" to overcome, gracefully allowed Law to get out of his letter with them. Clearing the way for Utah to worry about whether there are any other parts of the NCAA rulebook Law doesn't yet have a good grasp on.
But other than that, there just wasn't a whole lot of sizzle this time around. For next February, I'd like to humbly submit a list of heroic events which the class of 2015 might want to stage, just to keep things a little more interesting.
- Somebody needs to have Daft Punk appear at his signing ceremony. Most of us will have forgotten about them again by this time next year, so they should be available.
- A Michigan signee needs to show up for his signing ceremony dressed as comic book character Wolverine. Adamantium claws are the new school colors bow tie in terms of Signing Day attire.
- A Wisconsin signee needs to have a live badger at his ceremony. In a cage works, but just staking that bad boy to the table would be far more interesting.
- Instead of just one suitcase an Auburn signee needs to show up dressed in a bowler hat with 300 of his closest friends in an homage to The Thomas Crown Affair. Oh sinner man, where you gonna sign to?
- A top signee needs to ask the coaches of his two favorite schools to arm wrestle for him. Or have a trident battle. Really I'm not picky, I just think that actual gladiatorial combat is the next natural step in the recruiting game.
- Two words incoming Bama freshman: Live. Elephant.
- A recruit needs to hire a non-athlete spokesperson, lawyer commercial-style. If said spokesperson happens to be Doutzen Kroes, well, that's okay.
- A blue chip prospect should choose from one of two written proposals for how his talents would be utilized. The caveat would be that neither proposal would have any indication of which school made the proposal. Like the Pepsi Challenge. Proviso: Auburn's proposal would probably be the one written in crayon.
Feel free to propose your own ideas for spicing up Signing Day in the comments. Until later . . .