ESPN College GameDay must be kept out of Athens from this weekend until the end of time. Call your government officials, barricade the highways - I don't care if people have to recreate the Springfield tire fire to do it. GameDay is poisonous to the Dawgs, and we have to establish a quarantine zone outside our borders.
If you're reading this and thinking my exhortation seems a little extreme, take a few seconds to read on, via the AJC:
According to ESPN, the Bulldogs are 3-12 when the College GameDay crew is on site for one of their games. That includes 0-2 in Athens and 0-1 this season.
That alone would be reason enough to forever ban the admittedly engaging show and its familiar hosts, but consider our opponent's side of that coin:
LSU is 14-6 when GameDay is in the house, including 2-1 in national championship games.
So let's station a line of trucks across 441, 78, and anywhere else those sponsor-wrapped coaches of pestilence may try to cross the Rubicon. This team was built by Richt and Grantham, and it won't be torn down again by the Four Horsemen of the Home Depot. We don't like the color orange in our town, anyway.
So take up riot shields and megaphones, shout "GAMEDAY GO AWAY" the second those buses cross the state border. I want to see bonfires in concentric rings around campus with moats in between. I want to see wreckers pulling Studebakers and DeSotos out of kudzu patches and onto every line of ingress that can be found on a map. I want warning messages sent out via AM, FM, UHF, semaphore and Morse code. I want to see Stegeman Coliseum turned into a giant shield generator, and somebody get that little crying girl from Les Mis on the phone. She looks like she knows how to put a broken wagon wheel and dead horse to good use.
David Pollack can come in, though. He's cool.