DavetheDawg: Where in the hell have you been? Last time we spoke, you had quite a few interesting - and accurate - things to say. But this season our defense has become toothless at times and all sorts of stuff has conspired against us. A little heads up would've been nice, you know.
Nostradamus: Look, man. I've got bills to pay and predicting the fortunes of college football teams isn't necessarily what keeps me in the black. However, I have been watching things unfold from afar, and I am just as shocked as you are at the bad luck that has befallen the Dawgs. However...I'm getting a good vibe for this weekend.
DtD: Oh, do tell!
Nostradamus: First of all, congratulations on your promotion.
DtD: What promotion?
Nostradamus: Trust me...
DtD: Wow! Thanks. I'll probably sleep better now.
Nostradamus: Back to the the soothsayin' stuff. Did you purchase 3-D Printing stocks like I told you to do about 6 months ago?
DtD: Yes. Yes, I did.
Nostradamus: I'll be expecting a little commission.
DtD: You were spot on. But back to football. What do you see happening this weekend...you know....The World Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. I hear it could really rain.
Nostradamus: Dave, man. That's supposed to be your area of expertise. It'll be a wet tailgate, a wet field to start...but things improve during the course of the afternoon. Take a poncho and a bottle of honcho...
DtD: We aren't talking the epic Monsoon of '93, are we?
Nostradamus: Nah, it'll be a bit damp...but that was a real washout. I blame Glenn Burns. He's a Gator, you know.
DtD: Vile critters they are...two legged and four legged. Okay, so we've settled the Meteorological aspects of things. What about the game, dammit. How we gonna do?
Nostradamus: I can tell you one thing. Those Dawgs are going to be fired up. Especially Ray Drew. That Vanderbilt fiasco? I didn't even see that coming. Well, actually I did because, after all, we are talkin' about SEC Officiating...but I really didn't want to cause Widespread Panic amongst Dawg fans, so I just kept that foresight to myself. That was truly ugly...
DtD: So, the defense gets a boost out of Ray Drew?
Nostradamus: Oh, yeah. And that big nose tackle...what's his name...Mayes? He's gonna factor in somehow. I'm really liking that kid Wiggins. I told his mom in about 1997 that she should get advance tickets to tomorrow's game because something big is gonna happen. Trust me.
DtD: Okay, big question: What about Gurley.
Nostradamus: All week I've been envisioning circular things. I couldn't get clarity until just yesterday. What was I seeing? Not just geometric objects, but specific ones...they resembled wheels. Then it hit me: I see Wheel Routes.
DtD: I love this play. We never call it. Why, oh why is this?
Nostradamus: It's because of the cursed palimpsest made of well-worn and oxidized papyrus of an avacado hue...
DtD: What the hell are you talking about...?
Nostradamus: The Green Notebook, dummy.
DtD: So, we ditch it? Please tell me we shake things up.
Nostradamus: Absolutely. We're gonna run Gurley wide, in the middle and make Florida deal all day long. And the wetter the field, the better. Tight ends? We got 'em. Well, I don't anymore per se, but you know what I mean. Damn Pilates never worked for me at all...
DtD: "We're" gonna run Gurley wide." You sound like a Homer. This is making me feel pretty good about things. Anything I should worry about?
Nostradamus: Ah, Homer. He was a good man. The Iliad wasn't his best work. The Odyssey works best when George Clooney plays the lead. He used to write a lot of pulp before he got big press. I digress...to your question, fine sir!: Punting. I don't recommend it. I see more bad things happening, too, if we do. Everything beyond the 50 is 4-down territory. Seriously. Florida's offense is the worst idea since the Edsel.
DtD: So, we get inspired play from Ray Drew and Todd Gurley is essentially gonna be a beast. Anything else to add?
Nostradamus: Yes. I see Will Muschamp's name...it's appearing on someone's speed dial...it's a little hazy...wait....wait...Ah! Yes. The haze was smoke from a distant bong. FAU seems to have an interest in Coach Boom.
DtD: Thanks, Nostry. You're the man.
Nostradamus: Get a colonoscopy.
Nostradamus: Trust me...