The Hanging Gator, Day 2: Simplicity

Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

In all the frenzy of preparing for and participating in Hate Week, losing sight of some of the simple fundamentals of our hatred can occur. There are certainly complex, involved reasons for our Gator hate, but in this blessed time of the year, let us not lose sight of some of the simple reasons for which we hate the Gators. For starters what's a starter and where have they all gone?, they are Gators. We are Bulldogs. See? Simplicity. They like orange. They do that stupid chomp. Their coaches are always jerks. They eat boogers. Fundamentals, folks.

So today's couple of poems are short, sweet, and simple expressions of Gator hate. From here on out, the poems and gifs will get more complex; but for today, let us simply revel in our simple and satisfying hatred for the Florida Gators. The first poem is called "Theme in Yellow" and is by Carl Sandburg (for whom I've always had a soft spot since I was born quite close to the Flat Rock area) and celebrates pumpkins. The second is a simple kids poem called "I'm a Little Scarecrow" and is about...a little scarecrow. So enjoy the simple hate for today, folks; feel free to list other short, sweet, simple expressions of hatred in the comments (or you can list more complex ones; I don't want to go limiting anyone's freedom of Gator hate expression this week).

I spot the stands

with faded jorts in autumn.

I paint a J'ville sideline

ugly orange and blue clusters

and I am called Gators.

Near the last of October,

at start of ballgame,

Dawg fans join hands

in half-circle around me,

hurling insults and hate

to the urnge and blue.

I am a Flurduh Gator

with terrible teeth,

and the Dawg fans know

I am stupid.



I'm a little Gator,

raggedy and worn.

I wear a Gator hat

and a shirt that ornge.

When the Dawgs come,

my team does shout,

"Away from me, football!

Come on out!"

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