Unless you've been living under a rock you probably know that EA Sports''s NCAA Football '13 is out. The game has a lot of new features, but perhaps the one which has created the most buzz is the Heisman Challenge mode, in which you can add Heisman Trophy winners of yesteryear to today's rosters, even the rosters of schools said greats didn't attend. Tim Tebow playing for Alabama. Bo Jackson playing for Georgia. Herschel Walker playing for Florida. It's all delicious, trolling anarchy, the kind that you need during the offseason. Because let's face it, there are only so many times you can beat Wofford 104-0 using actual rosters.
All of this begs a worthy question: what Heisman winners would you like to see in the red and black? I know, I know, it seems like sacrilege. But I have some suggestions which I believe you'll agree have immense potential. For example:
1) Steve Spurrier, 1966 winner from Florida, as part of the 2003 Georgia Bulldogs. If there were any justice in the world it would have been the Ole Ball Coach getting sacked a Bulldog record 47 times in one season behind an offensive line led by Max Jean-Gilles, 11 year old Demi Lovato, and the old guy who collects aluminum cans for wine money and sleeps under the Baldwin Street bridge. In a perfect world, it would have been Spurrier's brain getting ground into a savory garlic hummus by LSU during the 2003 SEC Championship Game.
2) Bo Jackson, 1985 winner from Auburn, as part of the 1994 Georgia Bulldogs. Let me be clear: Bo was a phenomenal athlete who could have started for any team in America. In two separate sports. That's why it would be so entertaining to watch the big back from Bessemer sit on his ass next to Terrell Davis while Ray Goff started Selma Callaway and Larry Bowie instead.
3) Cam Newton, 2010 winner from Auburn, as part of the 2010 Georgia Bulldogs. Because you know damned well that if he'd played for us he would have not only been suspended on the eve of the Auburn game. He would have been drawn and quartered, his ancestral home would have been salted by NCAA functionaries dressed like a Roman Legion, and his offspring branded with a bright red "P" for "paid."
4) Tim Tebow, 2007 winner from Florida, as part of the 2009-2010 Georgia Bulldogs. Oh, what the Grand Circumcisor could have done as part of the unfocused group of lads who limped to an 8-5 season, won a Fulmer Cup in the offseason, then plunged to 6-7 with a loss to Central Florida in the Liberty Bowl. I just imagine he would have gotten trashed on screwdrivers in the back of a Tuesday night Bible study at the RUF house, then sideswiped a campus police car with his scooter while riding sans helmet to pick up a nightcap at an illegal shot house. With the Dean's 15 year old daughter on the back smoking a joint. He then would have hotwired Mudcat Elmore's car (which like the Room of Requirement in a Harry Potter book appears when drunken, unlicensed athlete/drivers truly need it) and driven it through the front of Transmetropolitan. He would then be kicked off the team (because, and stop me if you've heard this one, "Mark Richt would really have no choice"), transfer to Alabama, and win a national championship.
Feel free to include your suggestions in the comments. Until later . . .
This post was sponsored by EA Sports NCAA Football 13. Check out the video for the game below.
EA SPORTS NCAA Football 13 TV: "Son" (via EASPORTS)