Spring football practice is underway in the Classic City, and, as Mr. May noted, Malcolm Mitchell’s move to cornerback is among the many major storylines of the season, perhaps even (as fotodog eloquently phrased it) the biggest storyline.
My question is not how Mitchell’s move compares to other significant position switches in the Georgia Bulldogs’ storied history---the shiftings of the two Nos. 47, Robert Edwards and David Pollack, spring to mind---but how the multitalented Mitchell compares to other prominent Malcolms. Yes, I have employed this device before (much to the delight of Jorja Fox fans), but it’s the offseason, and it’s either this or parsing the minutiae of Isaiah Crowell’s interview answers, so here we go:
Mitchell: Despite missing three games due to a hamstring injury, he made the freshman All-SEC squad and finished in the top five in the league in both receiving yards per game and receptions per game. He caught a touchdown pass in his Bulldog debut. Lived up to the hype as well as any member of a heralded recruiting class. Looks like he may be the new Champ Bailey.
McDowell: He was in “A Clockwork Orange” and “Heroes.” He lent his voice to “The Compleat Beatles” and “Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness.” Also, for all you “Next Gen” and subsequent series “Star Trek” fans out there, he killed James T. Kirk.
Young: Don’t hold it against him that he isn’t Angus; he’s still a founding member of AC/DC.
Gladwell: He’s Canadian, he writes for The New Yorker, and he’s interested in sociology, but he writes well enough and intelligently enough that I actually forgive him for those attributes.
Muggeridge: For reasons unlikely to shock any of you, I have always enjoyed the work of this particular conservative Christian curmudgeon, but, even if you don’t happen to share that particular philosophical bent, hey, the guy was quoted in live performances of Pink Floyd’s “The Great Gig in the Sky” before the song was recorded for The Dark Side of the Moon.
-Jamal Warner: Theo Huxtable. Need I say more?
in the Middle: I’ll be honest with you; I never watched this show, and the only cast member from the series with whom I have any familiarity is Jane Kaczmarek, who played a police officer who got shot in “Hill Street Blues.” However, it won a Peabody Award, and we all know which university gives out the Peabody Awards, now, don’t we?
X: I’m not sure if he still qualifies for inclusion on this list, given that he went by El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. In addition to being a controversial and influential leader during the civil rights era, he also would have made a heck of a football coach, particularly if teamed with fellow coordinator Malcolm O.
Those are a few of the most prominent Malcolms. How does Mitchell compare to the others? Have I forgotten a meaningful Malcolm? Let us know by voting in the poll and by stating your case in the comments below.
Who's the best Malcolm?
Malcolm Mitchell. (52 votes)
Malcolm McDowell. (4 votes)
Malcolm Young. (2 votes)
Malcolm Gladwell. (0 votes)
Malcolm Muggeridge. (2 votes)
Malcolm-Jamal Warner. (2 votes)
"Malcolm in the Middle." (4 votes)
Malcolm X. (5 votes)
I love all Malcolms equally. (0 votes)
I hate all Malcolms equally. (1 vote)
I am indifferent to the whole of Malcolmkind. (4 votes)
None of the above. (I have explained in the comments.) (4 votes)
80 total votes