While we are sure to be inundated over the next couple of weeks with calls for Mark Richt's job, I think we all know that isn't going to happen. Whether you love Mark Richt or want him to get the heck out of dodge, that change is not happening now (or, most likely, anytime soon). However, in a few short months, more than a decade of calls for Michael Adams' job will be answered as the UGA President steps down.
We know that the Board of Regents will grill the usual candidates from academia and collegiate administration. But I think we can all agree that this will result in a number of highly qualified candidates being left off of the BOR's list. In order to meet the unique problems facing the University of Georgia, it wouldn't hurt to think outside the box for a change. Here then is a list of potential UGA presidential candidates that could lead our university to great success on a number of fronts:
1) Suzanne Yoculan - Former Coach/All-Around Badass, UGA Gymnastics
Let's face the facts: Suzanne Yoculan is the best thing to happen to the University of Georgia in the last 50 years. Why not give her a crack at the Presidency? This lady doesn't take crap from anyone... and she can rock a power suit like no one I've ever seen. Leadership. Strength. Balance Beams. It all leads back to Yoculan.
2) Mike Bobo - Offensive Coordinator, UGA Football
Mike Bobo is a DGD... he's just not a great Offensive Coordinator. That's okay, I'm not either. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Allow Mike Bobo (who loves and wants what is best for the University of Georgia) to take over as President! In a stroke of luck, he will then be unable to continue his work as the OC for the Georgia Bulldogs. You know Bobo's got this on lockdown. Campus emergency? Send a diminutive History professor to attack it head-on!
3) Paul Johnson - Head Coach, Georgia Tech Football
I have a feeling Coach Johnson may be available in a few months. And I don't know if you've heard, but he's a genius.
4) Hootie Johnson or Billy Payne - Former Chairman/Chairman, Augusta National Golf Club (h/t chuckdawg)
I have no idea what kind of university president Johnson or Payne would make. But I do know 3 things: UGA's profit margin would be amazing, golf team recruiting would be fantastic, and Martha Burk would never ever be admitted to the University of Georgia. Good enough for me!
5) Jesse Palmer - "Analyst," ESPN
If you've spent any time watching Thursday night football broadcasts on ESPN, you are keenly aware that Jesse Palmer knows everything about everything. Just ask him, he'll tell you. And imagine the pride you'll feel as you accept that degree from a man in a tiny clip-on tie that his mommy picked out.
6) George W. Bush - Former U.S. President
Here's a guy that admittedly has some flaws. But he does have executive experience and a hands-off approach to management (which we could certainly use after Il Duce). And does anyone think he's gonna have a problem with the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party or UGA's party school ranking? This is a university president that will cut your tuition and then hold your legs while you do a keg stand.
7) Zapp Brannigan - 25-Star General, Democratic Order of Planets (h/t vineyarddawg)
I'll let The Zapper explain his qualifications himself:
- When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide-mission!
- Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love: hard and fast.
- I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan at your service.
You in? Me too!
So those are our preliminary submissions...
This is your opportunity to provide your own suggestions for President of the University of Georgia. We need a list of candidates that can take UGA to the next level. Fire away!
Once I have compiled your suggestions, I will be repeatedly submitting a list to the Board of Regents until (and probably after) I receive a strongly-worded cease and desist letter. Lets do this!