I have never, in my entire life, been so pleased about being so wrong.
Then Vineyarddawg, still breathing pessimism and doom against the disciples of The Munson, went to the high Mayor and asked for permission to post letters from himself to the blogs of the Dawg, so that if he found any who were of the optimistic way, whether men or women, he might bring them down with predictions of massive failure.
As he journeyed he came near Jacksonville, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, "Vineyarddawg, Vineyarddawg, why are you picking against me?"
And Vineyarddawg said, "Who are You, Lord?"
Then the voice said, "I am Uga, whom you are persecuting. It is hard for you to pick against the Dawgs."
So he, trembling and astonished, said, "Mr. Uga, sir, what do You want me to do?"
Then The Uga said to him, "Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."
And the men who journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing some barking but seeing no one. Then Vineyarddawg arose from the ground, and when his eyes were opened he was still drunk as a skunk. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Jacksonville. And he was three days without sobriety, and was always either eating or drinking.
Now there was a certain dawgciple at Jacksonville named Jarvinias; and to him The Uga said in a vision, "Jarvinias."
And he said, "Here am I, Russ."
So The Uga said to him, "Arise and go to the street called Gator Bowl Boulevard, and inquire at the Field of Everbank for one called Vineyarddawg, for behold, he is drunk and despairing. And in a vision he has seen a man named Jarvinias coming in and putting the beat down on the Gators, so that he might renew his optimism."
Then Jarvinias answered, "My Uga, I have heard from many about this man, how much diss he has dealt out to your saints at Dawg Sports. And here he has authority from the Mayor to diss all who play in your name."
But the Uga said to him, "Go, for he is a chosen vessel of mine to bear my name before Gators, Rebears, Tiglesmen, and the children of the Bulldog Nation. For I will show him how many nervous breakdowns he must suffer for my name's sake."
And Jarvinias went his way and entered the stadium; and after laying his hands on the Gators (many, many times) he said, "Brother Vineyarddawg, the Uga, who appeared to you on the road as you came, has sent me that you may receive your optimism anew and be filled with the spirit of the Bulldog Nation." Immediately there fell from his cold, black heart something like scales, and he received his optimism at once; and he arose and was sacked, for Jarvinias was used to sacking people that were standing in his presence.
So when he had received additional alcohol, he was strengthened. Then Vineyarddawg spent some additional days with the Dawgciples at Jacksonville. And many raucous parties were had, and much property was destroyed that night at St. Simons, and Jekyll Island, and all those places where all those Dawg people have got those condominiums for 4 days.
And The Munson saw it, and saw that it was good. Amen.