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Evolution of the Gator

Or EVILUTION of the Gator

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Life began for the modern day denizens of the swamp millions of years ago at the bottom of the foul water, slowly growing in the rotten silt. Little by little these single celled organisms began moving around. The mobility of these low life forms stirred up the putrid bacteria lying in the silty swamp bottom. The one celled organisms slowly ingested this foul brew and began to evolve. Small, beady eyes started to pop out of one end of the shapeless body. A long appendage began to grow at the back end of the organism and grew into a long tail dominating the characteristics of the organism's body (which may explain the attitude of many modern day Gators, a big tail has evolved into Gators just being big butts). These beady eyed, long tailed creatures swam in the decaying matter of the swamp, thriving on the rank odor and loving the rancid taste of the water. Time slowly crawls on for the fore-monster of the modern day Gator and over that time tiny, useless limbs began to appear on the form. A tiny brain began to form (that remains true to this day, scientists have shown that the modern day Gator brain is just the size of a Lima bean and capable of only learning basic survival instincts).

The scaly beasts remained in the swamp for millions of years, until sometime in the early 1900's. Most learned individuals believe that the tiny creatures emerged from the swamp in 1904 (but Florida locals argue 1906) and instead of moving away from the fetid atmosphere of the swamp, remained and began to live on land and going back into the water to eat rotten swill fermenting in the murky water of the swamp. Life was difficult and trying for the evolving Gator. Through the early 1900's they struggled at the hands of dominant predators when met. In the first year on land the Gators were destroyed by the likes of Elephant, Tigers, Bulldogs and even stung to humiliation by the tiny gnat known as a Yellow Jacket. The Gators sought safety back in the dark, rank soggy soil of the swamp and only feasted on lesser animals for the next decade. The first 86 years of the life of a Gator was difficult and then in 1990 the Gators prayed to the evil spirits of the swamp and found a dark soul to guide them. And for 11 years this dark soul guided and corrupted the feeble minds of the Gators. This evil soul forsake the Gators for promises of greener and better smelling pastures and for 3 years the Gators were driven back into the black water of their origins. Returning to the evil spirits of the swamps the Gators conjured another denizen of the deep to guide them and for 6 years the Gators prospered, feasted on ganja and ran afoul of accepted human standards. Like the Evil One before him he also left the scaly mutants of the swamp and now they are led by a man who has the mentality to match his Gator children. What is to become of the story of the evolution of the Gator? Well, we all hope that they will soon follow the footsteps of other pre-historic reptiles and become extinct.

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