This is the second of Dawg2011's suggestions, so I hope it does not disappoint. Like the gator in the original poem, this Dawgified rewrite wanders from Gator-hate focus to Gator-hate focus. Might Gator fans who read this poem rail against its perceived hypocrisy and bias? Of course they may, but this is Hate Week. This is that glorious time of year when we put aside our ire at our own team and its shortcomings and focus on our hatred of all things orange and blue. Without further ado and with apologies to Sidi J. Mahtrow:
There's a blue alligator
chomping on the field in face of h8rz.
His hide's a hideous orange and blue;
why any would choose this, I haven't a clue.
Some would call those colors unnatural;
I hate those colors, yes, it's factual.
The blue is not what bothers me the most,
but that ghastly orange that glows
like toxic waste in a cartoon
or an ugly plastic traffic cone
that warns all who see it of the wearer's foulness
and makes you doubt wearer's fashion prowess.
‘Haps this is his way
of excusing his foul play,
but I prefer to believe
that he simply cannot conceive
the eye pollution
that has no solution
but to look at the red and black
to stop this eye attack.
But as he chomps in h8r'z face,
acting buffoonish and base,
I wonder if the referees will throw their flags
and penalize that Gator as he brags.
But chomping's tradition, the refs do say,
but don't you Dawgs dare celebrate.
Regardless, it's best to avoid those uncouth Gator fans,
mulletted, jorted, inbred in their own clans.
They go to Jacksonville
once a year to drink their nasty Gator swill.
One aGator, two aGator, three
orange Gators smoking weed.
Clipping, chipping, chopping,
their cheating on the field.
Mouths open, tooth ashowin',
Gator fans nauseate me.
Hides orange and blue,
they taste good in stew,
dead Gators are pret-ty.
On the field, Gator's a slippin',
just a trippin',
blue-orange Gator hit by Tree.
Precise passin', easy runnin',
our guys show Bulldog cunning
and score enough Bulldog TDs.
One aGator, two aGator, three,
On them, we p...
Welcome to Jacksonville!
Here is today's Princess Bride picture; here's to surviving our own Fire Swamp.