Nike Hyper Pro Elite Combat Platinum Super Fantastic Uniforms Are Here!

As Kit noted this morning, the last Wednesday before national signing day has been a slow news day. How so? So slow that Georgia has had two player arrests in the last 15 months yet is tied for the Fulmer Cup lead, Isaiah Crowell performed as well as any top-tier freshman tailback in the nation yet still is considered a disappointment, we may be on the verge of seeing a 19-game SEC basketball schedule and a seven-win football bowl-eligibility requirement, and Mark Richt going to church on a Wednesday night is considered newsworthy.

Basically, there is nothing new under the sun. Well, unless you count . . .

. . . the fact that Nike unveiled its new Hyper Elite Platinum basketball uniforms today!

Wait . . . what?

I thought “Pro Combat” football uniforms were silly enough, but now we’re into “Hyper Elite Platinum” basketball uniforms? “Hyper Elite Platinum”? Really? Is that like double-secret probation? Is “Hyper Elite Platinum” the type of record you’re awarded if you sell as many albums in a career as Elvis did? If your kid gets caught wearing his Hyper Elite Platinum jersey to elementary school, will they put him on Ritalin? If your wife is feeling sassy when she goes to get her hair done, will she ask her stylist to put in some Hyper Elite Platinum highlights? Will the winner of “Project Runway” receive a modeling contract from the Hyper Elite Platinum agency? Is it possible that “Hyper Elite Platinum” is Phil Knight’s Indian name?

I’m sure some will say I’m just jealous that Georgia didn’t get these laser-perforated (seriously) lightweight uniforms offering the sort of flexibility you don’t often find in, you know, fabric, but I’m actually glad the Hoop Dogs were excluded this go-round, because I know that means the Red and Black will be in line next time, when Nike unveils its Mega Ultra Mountaintop Featherweight Plutonium unis, and those bad boys will be sweet! I hear they’re like playing basketball naked on a cloud with angels.

Go ‘Dawgs!

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