For those of us who choose to imbibe, spirits can be a great companion for celebrating a victory and a helpful tool for surviving a loss. As I do every week, I present you with an option for each as the Georgia Bulldogs prepare to take on the Fightin' Nutts of Ole Miss.
When Georgia Wins:
It should be a great day for college football (or something approximating it... depending on whether the teams show up to play). But regardless of the results on the field we all know that there'll be some epic tailgating going on in The Grove. I would submit that spending a late September morning and afternoon tailgating in The Grove and watching an SEC football game is the epitome of the college experience. Whether you can be there or not, when Georgia wins on Saturday I suggest you toast both the victory and the sanctity of college football in the South with another collegiate classic...
To borrow a quote from The Hangover, "It tastes like college." The fact that the people at Jägermeister haven't yet started using this as their advertising slogan is, frankly, mind boggling.
Now I know traditionally this particular beverage is pounded until the drinker can't see straight, but I want you to take it in a classier direction:
Pour a small amount of Jäger in a snifter and really savor it. Inhale its aroma and notice the subtle notes of licorice and citrus. Allow the intoxicating scent to take you back to that time you hooked up with that stunning, beautiful girl you met at The Grill at 4 a.m. Remember the fleeting happiness of that night and your horror the next morning upon realizing that she was missing some teeth and her left leg was a few inches shorter than her right. Go back to the sounds of mockery emanating from your friends as you sat on the bathroom floor, porcelain in hand. Then consume.
Celebrate a Bulldog victory and celebrate college.... sweet, ridiculous, vomit-inducing college.
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: Any liquor store, any house party, any frat guy, my freezer.
When Georgia Loses:
Should Georgia lose this game? No. Could Georgia lose this game? You bet. Some of you, like me, may have moved on to the "acceptance" stage of grief. You might have noticed I've moved through anger, bargaining, and depression over the last several weeks (Paint thinner anyone?) so its nice to finally realize that I am powerless to do anything to change our fate. However, regardless of what stage you or I might be passing through at the moment, losing this game would hurt.... a lot. If it comes to that, you might want to spend a nice long afternoon with your friend....
Slow and steady wins the race on this one fellas.
If, however, you find that you just can't take the season anymore, I hear its flammable. Just sayin.
(*Note: Our lawyers have asked that I inform you that the preceding sentence was a joke. We here at DawgSports do not suggest, condone, or encourage self-immolation. As punishment for my insolence I am being forced to read Green Eggs and Ham to a room full of Auburn students.)
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: Convicted arsonists, Hell.
So drink up Georgia fans. I hope everyone that's going to The Grove has a great time and that those of us at home have something to cheer about.
What will you be drinking on Saturday? What's going to happen to me when I have to read that book? Can't ya'll convince Kyle to just shoot me or something? Will this feature ever not involve something potentially life threatening? Join me in the comments as we attempt to answer these questions and many many more.