Toast When We Coast & Drink When We Stink: Week 4
by RedCrake on Sep 22, 2011 11:30 PM EDT
in Georgia Bulldogs Football
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PrintFor those of us who choose to imbibe, spirits can be a great companion for celebrating a victory and a helpful tool for surviving a loss. As I do every week, I present you with an option for each as the Georgia Bulldogs prepare to take on the Fightin' Nutts of Ole Miss.
When Georgia Wins:
It should be a great day for college football (or something approximating it... depending on whether the teams show up to play). But regardless of the results on the field we all know that there'll be some epic tailgating going on in The Grove. I would submit that spending a late September morning and afternoon tailgating in The Grove and watching an SEC football game is the epitome of the college experience. Whether you can be there or not, when Georgia wins on Saturday I suggest you toast both the victory and the sanctity of college football in the South with another collegiate classic...
JÄGERMEISTER!
To borrow a quote from The Hangover, "It tastes like college." The fact that the people at Jägermeister haven't yet started using this as their advertising slogan is, frankly, mind boggling.
Now I know traditionally this particular beverage is pounded until the drinker can't see straight, but I want you to take it in a classier direction:
Pour a small amount of Jäger in a snifter and really savor it. Inhale its aroma and notice the subtle notes of licorice and citrus. Allow the intoxicating scent to take you back to that time you hooked up with that stunning, beautiful girl you met at The Grill at 4 a.m. Remember the fleeting happiness of that night and your horror the next morning upon realizing that she was missing some teeth and her left leg was a few inches shorter than her right. Go back to the sounds of mockery emanating from your friends as you sat on the bathroom floor, porcelain in hand. Then consume.
Celebrate a Bulldog victory and celebrate college.... sweet, ridiculous, vomit-inducing college.
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: Any liquor store, any house party, any frat guy, my freezer.
When Georgia Loses:
Should Georgia lose this game? No. Could Georgia lose this game? You bet. Some of you, like me, may have moved on to the "acceptance" stage of grief. You might have noticed I've moved through anger, bargaining, and depression over the last several weeks (Paint thinner anyone?) so its nice to finally realize that I am powerless to do anything to change our fate. However, regardless of what stage you or I might be passing through at the moment, losing this game would hurt.... a lot. If it comes to that, you might want to spend a nice long afternoon with your friend....
BACARDI 151
Slow and steady wins the race on this one fellas.
If, however, you find that you just can't take the season anymore, I hear its flammable. Just sayin.
(*Note: Our lawyers have asked that I inform you that the preceding sentence was a joke. We here at DawgSports do not suggest, condone, or encourage self-immolation. As punishment for my insolence I am being forced to read Green Eggs and Ham to a room full of Auburn students.)
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: Convicted arsonists, Hell.
So drink up Georgia fans. I hope everyone that's going to The Grove has a great time and that those of us at home have something to cheer about.
What will you be drinking on Saturday? What's going to happen to me when I have to read that book? Can't ya'll convince Kyle to just shoot me or something? Will this feature ever not involve something potentially life threatening? Join me in the comments as we attempt to answer these questions and many many more.
GO DAWGS!!!
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Wash off the blood, wash off the rum.
by NCT on Sep 23, 2011 12:03 AM EDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Outstanding and timely reference!
Sacrificing goats, chugging Maker's Mark, and walking underneath The Arch.
Everything has a song.
Sometimes it’s a curse — if not for me, then for those who happen to be around when I start singing.
by NCT on Sep 23, 2011 8:58 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
4 A.M. at The Grill
we’ve all been there, and damnit, she wasn’t missing THAT many teeth!
You know what a consultant is, don't you? A consultant is a guy that knows 100 different sex positions but doesn't know a woman.
-Erk Russell
by Dawg in Beaumont on Sep 23, 2011 8:54 AM EDT reply actions
I believe I had an isolated incident at The Grill around 4am
whereby I was kindly asked to remove myself from the establishment after an insubordinate ketchup squirt bottle was aimed at an unscrupulous patron sitting in the booth to my rear. One of the best nights I can barely remember…
"I'm from Ohio, but if I'd known when I was two what it was like down South, I would have crawled here on my hands and knees."-Frank Sinkwich, University of Georgia
No, we all haven't
/worked with people who worked at the Grill, was taught the only safe food after 11 is the feta and fries, and the feta might be suspect.
http://sportsandgrits.com/
Thats the beauty of it though.
You get a delicious meal and possibly a surprise gastrointestinal illness.
Sacrificing goats, chugging Maker's Mark, and walking underneath The Arch.
by RedCrake on Sep 23, 2011 7:25 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Dangerous Drink Suggestions
Afraid I can’t go with these suggestions, RedCrake.
My last encounter with Jager was the small but turbulent bachelor’s party the night before my first (and significantly, not last) wedding. I apparently invited the cocktail waitress to the wedding; she did in fact show up, to the great annoyance of my betrothed, who realized I had arrived home very early that morning when I fell over the dog.
As for going straight to the 151 if we lose, I should note that I am on the west coast, which means the mourning period for a defeat at the hands of the Black Bear Rebels or whatever they call themselves would begin at approximately 12:30 p.m. local time. Later that afternoon, I have to attend a relatively swanky and quite important work function for my wife (no, not the one I married after the JagerFest), and staggering around slurring about THAT GODDAMN BOBO or THAT JUNKIE OF A CORNERBACK WHO DROPPED THE PICK SIX will puzzle and alarm the locals and deeply offend the missus. And she’s the one who has the season tickets.
Maybe I’ll stick to the beer.
The first night I ever did a Jager shot was also the first night I ever threw up while drinking.
If memory serves (and memory very likely does no such thing), DawginOR’s roommate, Tim, put me up to it. (To give some context to my friendship with Tim, I will tell you two things. First of all, I passed out drunk on his couch in three different apartments, in appreciation of which I later helped him move that couch into a fourth apartment. Secondly, one of the nights on which I passed out drunk on his couch was a night on which we arrived at his apartment after drinking, ate the fruit that had been soaking at the bottom of a jug of Everclear since the previous weekend’s party, and watched an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” during which we engaged in a heated argument over whether Beverly Crusher or Deanna Troi was hotter.)
In retrospect, Tim may not have had anything to do with it at all. However, I am absolutely certain that we were in Murphy’s, back when Murphy’s was a dive (before they ruined it by trying to class it up), and I was sitting at the table, drunk, and DawginOR was sitting next to me, hitting on some random girl with whom I am absolutely certain he hooked up at evening’s end, and I turned and, without making any effort whatsoever to bolt for the bathroom, began throwing up directly on the floor of Murphy’s. DawginOR, without interrupting his conversation with the woman he was wooing or breaking eye contact with her, reached for the empty beer pitcher on the table, set it on the floor so that my puke stream would go into it, and continued his conversation as I filled the pitcher to the rim.
In retrospect, that may not have been an altogether appropriate story. If a moderator wants to warn me, I couldn’t conscientiously quarrel with it.
Go 'Dawgs!
by T Kyle King on Sep 23, 2011 10:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Like I said...
Sweet, ridiculous, vomit-inducing college :-)
Sacrificing goats, chugging Maker's Mark, and walking underneath The Arch.
by RedCrake on Sep 24, 2011 12:22 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Thanks.
I felt horrible, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been a little bit proud that I filled up a pitcher with my puke.
And that’s another Bulldog point of pride!
Go 'Dawgs!
That was my contention, as well.
Tim, however, made an impassioned case for Dr. Crusher. In his defense, she had her moments; you really have to see more of Gates McFadden’s acting canon to have a full appreciation.
Go 'Dawgs!
I gotta go Crusher.
I mean, I know she spawned Wil Wheaton and all, but just hear me out on this one.
Troi is the sex symbol of TNG. She’s totally a freak. (Like, “Martin Lawrence” freak, not like the other kind of freak.) You just don’t know where that sh*t’s been, man. (Actually, you do know… Riker, Worf, that guy who played Commandant Lassard’s nephew in one of the Police Academy movies… and that doesn’t count her “experimental phase” after Riker on Betazed.) You gotta be careful… think long term.
Go with the good doctor. She might take a little longer to woo, but something tells me she’s not very disappointing in certain areas of her practice, if you know what I mean.
by vineyarddawg on Sep 24, 2011 9:33 AM EDT up reply actions
Threadjacked by Star Trek AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!?
Sacrificing goats, chugging Maker's Mark, and walking underneath The Arch.
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