If It Ain't Chickens, It's Feathers: A Few Things Every Georgia Fan Should Know About Coastal Carolina and Another Stab at the Palmetto State

(Note: This post is meant for people with a sense of humor (and Lord knows thats something we could all use right now). There's nothing terribly offensive here (i.e. if you're looking for jokes about dead live mascots you've come to the wrong place... and I'm even skipping dead furry mascot jokes this week because there are only so many ways to murder a chicken). If you do not have a sense of humor, please feel free to avoid this article altogether. If you insist on reading it anyway and feel the need to complain in the comments, please identify yourself beforehand as someone with no sense of humor so the author and other blog readers may choose to ignore you accordingly.)

This week, I'll yet again look at various aspects of one of our upcoming opponents with a little good-natured ribbing thrown in. Aspects as varied as pop-culture, athletics, politics, entertainment, and other miscellanea regarding the school and their state of origin . Please understand that I am only kidding... really. Unless you're reading the feature right before we play Florida or Auburn, its totally in jest. And cut me some slack this week, because I just did South Carolina and it isn't easy to pull this stuff out of thin air... that and I'm still hungover from Saturday night.

I don't hate Coastal Carolina University and you probably don't either. Probably because we know little to nothing about it. My knowledge of CCU ends with passing by the campus once every few years on vacation and thinking it looked like a nice place to go to school. So I figure there's no better opportunity to learn a little something about our upcoming opponent (and then mock it). I bear the Chanticleers no ill will personally... however, given the start to the season there is plenty of ill will to go around and you'll forgive me if a little of it spills over into this week's post. I don't want to knock on Coastal Carolina and I'm pleased as punch that they're coming to town (and I hope their fans have a great time). That said, I can't just take a week off from berating the competition because I thought the campus was nice and I think their fans are lovely people.

So hit the jump as I drop a little knowledge on ya...

1) CUPCAKES!!!

Is there anything Georgia could use more right now than a sweet, delicious cupcake? Ok... so there is... but we aren't getting rid of Bobo anytime soon so lets move on.

Ah yes, cupcakes. Make no mistake about it, Coastal Carolina is a cupcake of the highest order. This is their 9th year of playing football.... ever. In that time, they've amassed an all time record of 58-35 while making quite a bit of noise in their conference. But that's their conference. CCU has previously played four FBS schools losing by an average margin of 37 points.

As such, I'm predicting a Georgia win on a late Blair Walsh field goal.

2) What's The Deal With All These Freakin' Chickens?

What's that up there? Oh yeah, we're playing another team from South Carolina so it must be another damn chicken. What is with these people and their unnatural fascination with poultry? I get that this might be confusing coming from someone who religiously follows a soccer team with a chicken mascot, but they're British. British people do all sorts of weird stuff. Here in the good ol' U S of A we give our teams fierce mascots... Bulldogs. Tigers. Lions. Sure some people screw it up and use elephants or pigs, but under the right circumstances those can be dangerous enough.

In fact, it seems the fine folks at Coastal Carolina have taken a cue from those nutty Brits when choosing their mascot, the Chanticleer. What's a Chanticleer, you say? Well I didn't know either because I used to be an English major but I changed my degree program before I got to the crappy British stuff. Apparently the chanticleer was popularized through "The Nun's Preist's Tale" which was part of Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. And if you guessed its a chicken, I reckon you've been following athletics in South Carolina for some time.

The actual Chanticleer mascot you see above is named Chauncey Chanticleer. How fancy.

3) What now David Perno?

Coastal Carolina is good at baseball. Like really good. In the last 6 years, CCU has been a #1 regional seed for the CWS 4 times. In those four years, they won at least 50 games (Schedule...rabble rabble... Boise State... rabble rabble). . The number of times Georgia has won 50 games in that time: Zero. Thats what you call doing more with less, eh Dave?

4) CCU Has Notable Alumni Too... Sort of...

Since Coastal Carolina only became an independent university 18 years ago, its perfectly understandable that their roster of notable alumni is still somewhat thin. But that isn't to say there haven't still been some attendees and graduates with whom you may (or may not) be familiar:

Dustin Johnson - The professional golfer is a 5 time PGA Tour event winner, though he's probably best known for spectacularly blowing a 1 shot lead going into the final hole of the PGA Tour Championship and finishing in 5th. He seems to perform better in tournaments that end up getting shortened to 54 holes due to inclement weather, thus eliminating the possibility of blowing the lead late.

Michael Kelly - Actor, Dawn of the Dead (2004) -- Kelly played obnoxious mall security guard CJ (and was actually one of my favorite characters in that film). He's also appeared in Invincible, Law Abiding Citizen, and The Adjustment Bureau. Furthermore, Kelly is a graduate of Brookwood High School which means he is dead to me.

Bailey Hanks - Bailey was the winner of MTV's "Legally Blonde - The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods" which I'm told was some kind of acting/singing competition. She ain't bad to look at though.

However, if, like me, you follow sub-par Austrian, Turkish, and American soccer, you are probably most familiar with former Chanticleer forward Joseph Ngwenya.

Note: These alums were derived from a cursory glance at Wikipedia. If I've left out someone important, please feel free to correct me in the comments.

5) A Crazy Politician Twofer

As part of our continuing series on politicians that are flat out nuts, each week I like to present a public servant that has clearly lost his or her mind. Corrine Brown, Cynthia McKinney, and last week's cemetary philanderer Roland Corning are examples. This week I give you another of South Carolina's finest: Benjamin "Pitchfork" Tillman. Tillman was bringing the crazy all the way back in 1902 when he assaulted his fellow U.S. Senator from South Carolina, John L. McLaurin. You actually get a thumbs up on this one South Carolina. Senators beating the crap out of other Senators? I think thats the kind of politics we can all get behind.

6) Conway, SC.... Birthplace of Cyberpunk?

Conway, SC is the home of Coastal Carolina University. It is also the birthplace of William Gibson, father of cyberpunk. How you go from coastal South Carolina to Neuromancer is truly a mystery for the ages.

There it is. Now you know everything about the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers that a rabid Bulldog fan should. Please share any additional tidbits or feelings you might have regarding our upcoming opponent and the state from which they hail in the comments.

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