(Author’s Note: What follows is intended as humorous. You have been warned.)
I’ve been telling you for a while now that Georgia’s opponents have inherited the Bulldogs’ bad mojo, and, although tankertoad may not agree with me concerning that claim, he’s been offering evidence in the comments today that demonstrates my point: an Ole Miss quarterback was arrested, Janzen Jackson was dismissed from the Tennessee football team as the NCAA levied sanctions against the Volunteers, and Jordan Jefferson is at the center of a police investigation into a bar fight involving LSU football players.
It’s not that I wish these folks ill---I don’t---but, if these things have to happen, it’s a relief to see them happening to someone else for a change, and it’s hard not to remark the irony of it happening to so many teams who appear on the Bulldogs’ schedule or otherwise are conference rivals. The extent of the contramojofication is undeniable and absolute; what possible recourse could the opposition have at this juncture to counteract the hex that clearly has passed from us to them?
Oh, it is on, Broncos!
Look, I treat Boise State with a level of respect seldom seen in SEC country, but this is just wrong. Let’s leave aside the fact that this is the kind of crap that happens when you let a bunch of carpetbaggers join the backwoods moonshine-runners who historically have made up the backbone of stock car racing; you don’t go sending some Boise native---Brian Scott is his name, by the way, so you’ll know whom to boo---into Hampton, Georgia, stirring up trouble with his orange-and-blue horse car on our track in our state in our sport!
Seriously, Idahoans, how would you feel if we sent a Georgian into your environs to compete in the Great Boise Potato Peel-Off who lined up at the starting gate of the curly fry roundup wearing red overalls and a black straw hat? Yeah, you wouldn’t like it very much, would you? Well, all right, then! When y’all start penning paeans to deceased NASCAR drivers---heck, when y’all start saying "y’all"---then Brian Scott of Boise, Idaho (seriously, don’t ever let this interloper’s name be announced at a NASCAR Nationwide Series race without booing him lustily), can paint his car up in Bronco colors, but not before.
Oh, but wait! It’s all right, inasmuch as it’s for a worthy cause, right? Yeah, here’s the burning social problem for which Brian Scott hopes to raise awareness by offending virtually every fan in the stands at AMS next weekend:
The tie-in is an outgrowth of his sponsorship with the Albertson Foundation and its "Go On" campaign to promote college attendance by Idaho high school graduates.
"Promote college attendance by Idaho high school graduates"? You know what we do here to promote college attendance by Georgia high school graduates? We have the HOPE Scholarship and a bunch of colleges, from the country’s oldest state-chartered university to one of its top public engineering schools to a plethora of smaller colleges and universities scattered throughout the state! Idaho’s state university is located in Moscow, the historic home of Godless communism, and it fails to crack the top 150 among national universities, while Boise State University isn’t even among the top 50 regional universities in its part of the country . . . which, by the way, is the part of the country in which wild dingos outnumber people, so you’d think MaconDawg and I---oh, all right; MaconDawg, NCT, RedCrake, and I---could set up a roadside stand with a blackboard and a solar-powered Commodore 64 on the outskirts of Pocatello and make the top 50 regional universities in the West. Hey, Brian Scott, you want to promote college attendance by Idaho high school graduates? Use your NASCAR winnings to buy ‘em a plane ticket out of state!
Before, this was just a football game to me; I wanted the Georgia Bulldogs to win it because I want the Georgia Bulldogs to win every game in every sport, and, in this instance, the identity of the opponent mattered only because the Boise St. Broncos were bound to enter the game highly ranked. Now, I want to see the defending WAC champions ground into the green turf of the Georgia Dome, just so we can bid a proper farewell to Brian Scott, and the horse-themed automobile in on which he rode.
Georgia-Boise State II: This time, it’s personal.