You're on notice, Dawg! Preseason practice 2011

Alright everyone... you know it, Bob Dole knows it, and the American people know it.  It's almost football season again!!11!!1!!!1eleventy!!1!!!  Are you ready for some football?  I know I am! 

In fact, we're already being treated to the first, most tantalizingly out-of-reach part of the football season... fall practice.  The practice sessions have gotten underway at every school, and we're starting to find out more about which freshmen will be contributing, which veterans are improving, and which of the 85 quarterbacks on the roster will be playing for Vanderbilt. (Not that any of them can keep the Commodores from losing at least 8 games this season.)

Since we're actually back to the days of having real things to discuss and write about instead of, you know, pontificating ponderously about conference realignment and whether or not Notre Dame should play more games in Europe, I figured that it's time to get in a little preseason practice of my own.  The "You're on Notice" feature is a weekly article I started posting last season and will be continuing once the games actually get started.  Look for it on Sunday evenings as I put last week's game behind us and continuously hate on Florida consider the upcoming week's opponent!  (And, of course, continuously hate on Florida.  Whom I hate.)  (I hate Florida.)

So without further ado, I'm notifying the following people, places, and things that, for the 2011 preseason, You're on notice, dawg!

In no particular order:

1) Michael Adams - Why Michael Adams?  Because he's a jerk, has stolen money from and is a disaster for University, and everybody that has ever worked with him hates him. Plus, I have it from a very authoritative source inside the UGA administration that he's lobbying hard for Miami to be invited to join the SEC.  (Which Miami?  Both, actually.)

2) History learnin' - It's been a while since my first "History learnin'" post, in which I explored the newspaper coverage of Georgia's first intercollegiate football game against Mercer.  I am preparing a second edition, but I'm holding off on posting it for now.  As I said in my first post of the series, this subject is made to help lift the spirits of the Bulldog nation by "recalling brighter, fairer days when the Georgia football program was in the ascendancy..." but we're getting far too much good news to need "lifting up" right now.  So we might just have to wait until after the Boise State game season's first loss to learn some interesting facts about Georgia football from the year 1904.

3) Continuing talk about conference realignment - Sorry, guys, radical conference realignment and questions like "Will (insert any team name east of Colorado and south of Pennsylvania here) be going to the SEC?"  are topics for the doldrums of June and July.  This is August, and we're supposed to be talking about which player has a niggling hamstring injury and pondering over the immutable truth that there are no "minor" groin injuries. Got it?

This is fun mental mastur... uh, I mean, hypotheticalization and all... but we got real football to talk about now.

4) Georgia State, Boise State, and other fan bases with a Napoleon complex - I wish I could claim that phrase, but it's a tankertoad-ism... and a beautiful one, at that.  How does one know if their fan base falls into this category?  Well, if you start sending in the troops to cry "HATERZ" because one article at a blog has disparaged your head coach's attitude (after said coach called that team a bunch of cheaters), then you might have a Napoleon complex.  Also, if trolls from your fan base keep popping up at a future opponent's blog to post pictures of a hamster on steroids mashed up with highlights from the 2010 season... well, you see where this is going.

I'm just glad we've never scheduled Fresno State.  I shudder to think of what some of their fans could do with Pat Hill's mustache as mash-up fuel.

Besides, having one rival in Atlanta with a Napoleon complex is enough.

(Via)

5) The Florida Gators - I don't need a reason to put the Gators on notice.  I hate Florida with the fire of a thousand suns being stoked by the fire of an additional thousand suns, and so should you.

That's what I'm talking about, lil' buddy. Good dawg. (Via)

6) Nebulous freaky-ass new uniforms - Look, I know that players like to wear new stuff and that the Nike Pro Combat uniform thing has even been rolled out at places like Alabama, which has a decidedly strong "we gonna stab you if you mess with our uniforms" group of fans.  And I know the players have seen the uni and have all said it looks awesome.  The simple fact remains, however... you can't improve upon perfection.  You can only mess it up.  And Georgia's red helmet (with a single white stripe), red jersey, silver britches combination is perfect.

I don't doubt that some people will look at whatever uniform is unveiled on picture day (August 20) and say, "Hey, that's cool."  It might very well be cool.  In fact, it might very well be awesome.  But it won't be the University of Georgia's home uniform. Away uniforms have varied over the years, and I'm personally biased towards the "My God, a freshman!" away uni of red helmet, white jersey, and red pants.  The home uni's, though, don't need to be screwed with.  They're iconic, they're awesome... and they're Georgia.

These should be Georgia's only two uniform combinations. There can be no quid pro quo on this point. (Via1) and (Via2)

7) Anyone who would besmirch the good name of Jürgen Klinsmann - Yeah yeah, this is a football blog, not an "other kind of football" blog.  But since this is still technically the offseason, I'm going to make an exception in this case. No one... and I mean no one... is now allowed to disparage Herr Klinsmann.  The feisty German has taken our U.S. Men's National Team and in one game turned them from a laughing stock who got booted out of the stadium in the Gold Cup Final into a team that tied El Tri on Wednesday night, and would have beaten them if it weren't for a couple of Pac-10-level missed calls by the ref.

Also, any coach that has the self-confidence to do this on the sideline can never again be criticized*.

* - Until his first loss, that is... at which time we will collectively call for his immediate ouster. Hooray soccer!

8) Injuries - Ok, we don't need any more injuries.  Seriously.  Our offensive line always seems to be a patchwork outfit, and is again so this year.  If we lose even one more hogmollie or running back, we're going to be in even bigger trouble than we already are.  So, if ol' Lady Luck is listening, can you please just smile on our team's collective ACL's, MCL's, PCL's, and any other body part that might get sprained, broken, or otherwise maimed?  Thanks!

I wouldn't consider myself to be in mid-season form yet... but this is at least a start!  I definitely needed the practice.  I'll see y'all again on the Sunday before the Boise State game... and

Go Dawgs!