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Carne de Cabra: How We Ruined the 2010 Football Season When We Failed to Roast a Real Goat

When I volunteered to fill in while Kyle's off soaking up some rays, I initially planned to do a hard hitting analysis of some aspect of the 2011 Dawgs. But that would be sort of a waste of time since many of the fine folks from Dawgsports have already done just that. The awesome people at Maple Street Press even decided to publish it and everything!.

Since the legitimate points of the 2011 season have already been touched upon, we must turn to the supernatural. We must go once again in search of divine intervention.

Given the disappointments of the 2008 and 2009 seasons, in 2010 Dawgsports endeavored to appease the angry football gods through animal sacrifice. As such, the 1st Annual Dawgsports Sacrificial Goat Roast was born. It was to be a gathering of the fine people of this blog in Athens for one of Georgia's away games. So for the fifth game of the season against the Colorado Buffaloes, many of us set out to the Blind Pig Tavern for this glorious event which would surely win us the favor of the gods. However, for reasons practical, philosophical, and gastronomical, a real goat was not sacrificed. And the season was lost!

For more of this tragic tale, read on after the jump...

Prior to the 2010 edition of the Dawgsports Sacrificial Goat Roast (DSGR), Georgia wasn't exactly off to its best season. A gimme win over Louisiana-Lafayette was really the only good thing to happen. Losses to South Carolina, Arkansas, and Mississippi State were all gut-wrenching, but to some extent were due to factors beyond our control. No AJ Green certainly played a part. Breaking in a first year QB might be partially to blame (although Murray was outstanding). Transitioning to the 3-4 could have contributed. The emergence of Lattimore for the Gamecocks and the best teams fielded by the Razorbacks and the Bizarro Bulldogs in a long time certainly didn't help. Starting 1-3 was ridiculous and unacceptable, but that's where it should have stopped.

But it didn't stop. It got much much worse.

On the day of our fatal transgression, the Bulldogs took the field in Boulder, Colorado. As they did so, the streets of the Classic City should have been running red with goat blood. But like a victory against a lower-tier Big 12 school, it was not meant to be. We were defeated by Colorado as all of the reasons excuses given above rang hollow. We lost to a team that would finish the year 5-7 and for the first time we gave in to a team that clearly wasn't better than us. Tragically, this wouldn't be the last time this happened. The gods were frowning on Sanford Stadium.

There were wins in 2010. A rebuilding Tennessee still recovering from the Kiffin era and a cupcake game against Idaho State were bright spots. The Bulldogs defeated Kentucky, Vanderbilt, and Georgia Tech.... proving that even with supernatural powers working in their favor there are some teams that just can't get it together. But the bad far outweighed the good.

The games against Florida and Auburn were games that did not seem to favor the Bulldogs, but both were absolutely excruciating to watch. In each game, Georgia fans were cruelly taunted by a Bulldog squad that looked like world beaters one moment and hot death the next. And to end the season we were all treated to the game without a touchdown.... a bowl loss to Central FREAKIN' Florida! God, I can't believe I just had to write that.

There's a lot of blame to go around when it comes to the 2010 football season. We can blame Mike Bobo and the green notebook. We can blame the defense's inability to get off the field on 3rd down. We can blame tankertoad for refusing to stay in the lead-lined room. But really we should only blame ourselves. The football gods got their revenge.

While the 1st Annual DSGR was an absolute blast (and the goat cake was absolutely dynamite), we seriously pissed off the football gods with our lack of action on the animal sacrifice front. We promised them gooey morsels of tender goat flesh and then mocked them by leaving the goats of the world to go about their merry way. How'd that work out for us? Oh yeah, we lost a bowl game to Central Florida!!! (Did I mention we lost a bowl game to Central Florida?) !!!!! So as we approach the 2nd Annual Dawgsports Sacrificial Goat Roast (prior to the Vanderbilt game), it is imperative that we right this wrong. The gods must be appeased. And the only way to satisfy the gods and, thus, our desire for success on the gridiron is with goat meat. Lots and lots of goat meat.

Kyle has already mentioned that he has the hookup on some South Georgia goat meat. But given our struggles the past few years, I feel its best to leave nothing to chance, cover all our bases, and go a little overboard if necessary to make up for our disrespect to the pigskin deities. I've found a goat supplier in nearby Winder that assures me he can get me fresh goat just before the DSGR. I asked him if it was religious quality and he just sorta looked at me funny, but I think it will do. That is of course unless I decide to pull off the side of the road near my house and just snatch one of the little buggers.

Don't kid yourself.... the bastards have it coming.

I've toyed with the idea of roasting a whole goat on a spit, but I'm not sure the venue we choose would be willing to accommodate the horror show that would likely ensue. As a result, I've come up with a couple of ideas that I'm marinating on. Comments or suggestions in this area are more than welcome.

1) HONEYED GOAT SHOULDER

Marinaded in honey, soy sauce, lemon juice, and sherry, this delicacy will have you licking your lips and saying "Maaaaaaaaaaa".

2) GOAT CHILI

This manna from heaven is perfect for the whole family. Everybody loves chili! And for those of you with a weak stomach, I promise I'll have the goat diced so thin that you won't even know what you're eating. It'll be sauteed with assorted pork products and served with all the trimmings.

3) GOAT JERKY

Flavored with subtle hints of garlic, worchestershire, and brown sugar, this tasty treat will be great for gnawing on instead of your fingernails as the Dawgs inevitably struggle with Vanderbilt.

Eating sacrificial goat may not be for everyone, but I ask you to consider the consequences of your decision. I think we all know how Auburn managed to win that crystal football last year.... and, no, I don't mean all that nonsense about Cam Newton (an honest young man and a scholar). Lets just say some of the War Eagle faithful may have had their own "event" involving goats... allegedly. If those "activities" resulted in a national championship, just think what the 2011-2012 Georgia Bulldogs can accomplish if we absorb the essence, nay the soul of the animal through feasting upon its flesh!

I implore you! Come forth to Athens and join us as we sacrifice the mighty beast and dance in celebration of the success which is most deservedly and assuredly coming our way!

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