Here's the deal: I want to find an English Premier League (EPL) Club team to root for, but I have no clue which club I should choose.

While this question involves fútbol, not American football, I have seen more soccer comments from more commenters on this site than on any of the other sites I frequent (obviously, I'm not frequenting soccer sites). The odd thing: I strongly doubt many of y'all have lived in England or know anyone from England. (I could be wrong, which is part of the reason for this OT post.)

How did each of y’all who are EPL fans chose your favorite teams?

For me, I need either a geographic or familial connection to a team. For example, I root for UGA, the Falcons, the Hawks, etc. Why? Well…duh. I used to follow the Thrashers, but since they've gone the way of the dodo and flown to Winnipeg, I no longer care. (The dodo is flightless, and I don't believe became extinct in route to Manitoba...I'll check Wikipedia and get back to y'all.) (Also, isn't it ironic the Thrashers left via jet, and when they landed, they became Jets? No. Okay, moving on.)

I feel disingenuous picking a random team, say the Tottenham Hotspur, and then pretending I like them and dislike everyone else. (Tottenham has the best name, by far, for the town reminds me of a Toddle House omelet at Waffle House, of which I am quite fond.) And if I am going to pick a random team, shouldn’t I pick a winner? Looking at the winners of the EPL, it seems only three or four teams have a realistic chance of winning each year: Man U., Chelsea, or Arsenal have won the league every year since 1992, except once when Blackburn won. Why root for Fulham, Everton, etc., when they won’t ever win? Heck, even the runners-up are all the same.

Evidence:

Chart was taken from the almighty Wiki while perusing facts about dodos (not to be confused with Bobos).

I get the desire to root for the underdog, but as a fan of teams that have won a collective ONE national title, World Series, Super Bowl, or NBA championship in my life, I root for enough underdogs. (I was in the womb in the Superdome for the Dawgs’ last National Championship, but, alas, my view was obstructed. Also, I’m focusing on college football/basketball. I realize many Dawgs’ squads/individuals have won championships, most notably the Gym Dawgs.) In this instance, I don't need more Dawgs!

Thus, I’m tempted to root for Man U. or Chelsea…Tell me (a) why I shouldn’t (they're likely the devil) and (b) explain why the EPL is so top-heavy and give me a reason to root for Stoke City, Blackburn, Wolverhamton, etc.

Also, why not root for a squad like the Damned United (Leeds)? They were dominant, but now, they’re in the next league down!

Bonus discussion: What about other leagues, like La Liga, Serie A, MLS (stop laughing...please), Bundesliga, or Σούπερ Λίγκα Ελλάδα? My wife lived in Madrid for a bit and is a huge Real Madrid fan. I suppose they could be my Chelsea-esque squad...

Without further ado--convince me!

*For the EPL fans out there, this entire FanPost must be read with a British accent, even if the syntax is all wrong.