The Auburn Screed
by T Kyle King on Nov 8, 2011 7:42 AM EST
in Georgia Bulldogs Football
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PrintLast fall, an Auburn Tigers weblogger mentioned in the week prior to the Georgia Bulldogs’ showdown with their oldest rival on the Plains that he was awaiting my annual Auburn screed. I do not believe I author such a screed, and I certainly pulled my punches regarding the Plainsmen leading up to the 2010 game, although my feelings about the Tigers are well known. I am, however, a firm believer that, if you’re going to get the electric chair, anyway, you may as well go ahead and kill somebody. (Relax, Auburn fans; it’s just an expression.) Having been falsely accused of authoring such diatribes, I now bring you . . . The Auburn Screed:
I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in using loopholes to inflate artificially their actual record of achievement.
I believe in education, which gives me the knowledge to work wisely and trains my mind and my hands to work skillfully. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in offering bogus sociology courses for athletes, in historical revisionism and/or the inability to perform simple arithmetic, and in this:
I believe in honesty and truthfulness, without which I cannot win the respect and confidence of my fellow men. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in obscuring the facts to a degree that makes conclusive findings impossible and in practicing a staggering degree of cognitive dissonance.
I believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid, and in clean sports that develop these qualities. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in chop-blocking and in fielding dirty players like Junior Rosegreen, Ryan Pugh, and Nick Fairley.
I believe in obedience to law because it protects the rights of all. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in breaking the rules and covering it up, again and again.
I believe in the human touch, which cultivates sympathy with my fellow men and mutual helpfulness and brings happiness for all. At Auburn, on the other hand, they believe in fans sending obnoxious e-mails and university administrators calling college students on other campuses "sons of bitches".
I believe in my Country, because it is a land of freedom and because it is my own home, and that I can best serve that country by "doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God." At Auburn, on the other hand, they can’t even keep track of their own pants.
And because Auburn men and women clearly do not believe in these things that I believe, I do not believe in Auburn, and I hate Auburn.
Go ‘Dawgs! Auburna delenda est!
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Why would you want the habit of expressing your hatred of Florida to die?
by Cherokee's Grip on Nov 9, 2011 4:49 PM EST up reply actions
Well, I certainly don't...
… but it might get on some folks’ nerves this week. :-)
Editor, Dawg Sports.
Go Dawgs!
Also, the 2007 UGA-Auburn game is now
available to watch on replay at georgiadogs.com
UGA Class of 2013
This is truly a great piece of literature
Sadly, I must now start my classes for the day at Auburn. This screed will get me through the day though, as I wear my Georgia hat on campus and get thousands of perturbed stares.
by AuburnDawg on Nov 8, 2011 8:23 AM EST via iPhone app reply actions
Well said, Dawg from Canton.
Thanks, AuburnDawg. We think of you as our deep cover agent behind enemy lines. Auburn, Soviet Union; to-may-to, to-mah-to.
Manager, Dawg Sports, SB Nation's Georgia Bulldogs weblog.
Go 'Dawgs!
Seriously we are praying for you...
Post later in the day to tell us if you made it, and the evenings events.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
I Corinthians 9:24
by Southern Dawg on Nov 8, 2011 4:05 PM EST up reply actions
Oh me and my red and black have made an appearance on campus almost every day since I got here
It’s more like ‘Hate Semester’ for me. Survived so far. Although in retrospect wearing a UGA hat in the student section during the AU/UF game may not have been the most clever thing, even the Auburn shirt didn’t save me there with that hat on
I already hate Auburn, and I just got here!
by 1st Generation Ag on Nov 8, 2011 8:46 AM EST reply actions 5 recs
You are very welcome here.
It’s good to see you catching on so quickly.
Editorial Staff, Dawg Sports, SB Nation's Georgia Bulldogs weblog.
@NCThom
Go 'Dawgs!
by NCT on Nov 8, 2011 8:49 AM EST via iPhone app up reply actions
Thanks, 1st Generation Ag.
That made my day. Welcome!
Manager, Dawg Sports, SB Nation's Georgia Bulldogs weblog.
Go 'Dawgs!
No cohesive thought here, just a rant
I’m younger than a lot of y’all, so I never really understood the Auburn hatred. Florida was always #1 on my hit list. However, that changed last year. My problem with that doesn’t stem from the fact that they won last year. However, the way in which the way in which their players conducted themselves during the game and how their fans reacted in the aftermath rubbed me the wrong way to say the least. Nick Fairley is a thug who decided did everything within his power to maim Aaron Murray, and Cam Newton is a self-promoting cheater (I know it, you know, and the American people know it), but the Auburn “Family” worship these two like they’re the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Seriously, whenever Cammy Cam jumped into the stands after a game last year, the frat boys in the Jordan-Hare student section were swooning like they were Victorian schoolgirls and he was Colin Firth. As far as Fairley goes, they not only condone his numerous late hits against Murray, they celebrate them. Hey, if you can’t sack him, you should do the next best thing and try to cause severe injury. Then they call Murray a wimp for asking for flags after being hit late time and time again. Fairley is essentially Lenny from Of Mice and Men with roid rage, so I think Aaron and the rest of the team was right to be a little salty about the late hits. Of course, I shouldn’t expect anything less from a fanbase that finds joy an humor in Junior Rosegreen’s hit on Reggie Brown.
I just hope there’s a smoking crater where the visitor’s sideline once was by the time the clock hits 0:00 on Saturday.
Sic 'em Dawgs
by ClassicCityDawg on Nov 8, 2011 11:23 AM EST reply actions 5 recs
Between Cam, Fairley, Rosegreen, and Trooper Taylor
(and rampant cheating throughout the years) I need no other reason to hate Auburn
The implication here, of course, being that I completely and wholeheartedly agree with you
And I am so ready for this game!
Fairley ground his facemask into AM's chin. The replay showed it happening. AM was bloodied and taped up.
And they defended it.
Newton had a head slap and got a warning and they defended it. Then he continued it and the refs never stopped it.
Multiple teams, not just UGA, many teams reporting Fairely for body slaming and other dirty tackles and nothing ever changed.
They played dirty and rotten and Auburn defended it. To heck with them.
Editor, "Dawgsports"
"The ball ain't heavy." Herschel Walker
Check Aaron's chin.
He has the scar to prove it.
Crowell to Gabe Wright
“I’m your huckleberry! "
by AthensHomerDawg3 on Nov 8, 2011 11:53 AM EST reply actions
Crowell to Chizik
“Oh… I’m sorry Gene, I forgot you were there. You may go now.”
Editor, Dawgsports.com
Sacrificing goats, chugging Maker's Mark, and walking underneath The Arch.
by RedCrake on Nov 9, 2011 9:43 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Crowell to Gabe Wright ....4th quarter
“C’mon! C’mon! You’re no daisy! You’re no daisy at all! "
by AthensHomerDawg3 on Nov 8, 2011 11:54 AM EST reply actions
There may be many things that we disagree on as Alabama and Georgia fans...
…but there is one thing that we can definitely agree on.
It’s 11:05 CST, and Auburn still sucks.
I'm not really a CPA, I just play one on television.
by BamaTaxMan on Nov 8, 2011 12:05 PM EST reply actions 14 recs
You, sir, know how to fit in with this crowd.
Now on Twitter at @MaconDawg. Same great snark, fewer characters!
and I still like drivin' my truck
Sic 'em Dawgs
by ClassicCityDawg on Nov 8, 2011 1:12 PM EST up reply actions
Jarvis Jones...
And what a homecoming it will be…
What time does Victoryland have our checks ready?-Random Awbarn Player.
Respectfully...
Mr. King, suh, in the past Ah have considered, on occasion, that you maght be worthy of mah respect, I have considered that you are, perhaps, a gennleman of perhaps ahbove average intelligence and superiah breeding, and, yes, perhaps a worthy wielder of yoah writin pen. But nowah, suh, having per-used yoah “Auburn Screed,” ah can only say that you, suh, are worthy of the ahbsolutaly undyin’ highest level of respect, and are, in fact, a man of fah above average intelligence and breedin’ beyond that even of the crowned heads of the empihre itself, and a true scholah and aristocrat of yoah writin pen beside whom even the honorable Sidney Lanier himself might, suh, hayave to take a back seat.
Well done, suh, vereh, vereh well done!
by Chickasaw on Nov 8, 2011 1:24 PM EST reply actions 3 recs
Went to Auburn's version of Dawgbone
Read up on what the Auburn fans were saying. They make SC fans look sane. According to a bunch of them we’re going to get run out the stadium — stuff about our soft schedule and what Lattimore did and how well they match up. I thought I was reading about the 85 Bears for a second — not a 5-3 team that should have lost to Utah State. Impressive levels of cockiness.
...not a 5-3 team that should have lost to Utah State.
Don’t forget Mississippi St. Had Relf pitched the ball Ballard walks in for the game winner.
I don’t usually condone or participate in booing the visiting team when they run out onto the field. However when it’s Auburn I boo my ass off. CHEATIN’ SOB’s!!
6:30 pm EST
AND I HATE CHEATIN’, NO GOOD AWBARN.
What time does Victoryland have our checks ready?-Random Awbarn Player.
War Eagle ATL
5 of 6 son. Say it with me it gets better every time.
What time does Victoryland have our checks ready?-Random Awbarn Player.
My wife...
who is from South Carolina and a die hard Clemson fan has lived in Columbus, GA for only a few years of her life now. It took her exactly one football season to start hating AU the same way she hates South Carolina. This year when I we were cheering against Carolina in their game with AU (I’d never cheer for AU) she said she felt awful that AU won even though it helped her newly adopted Dawgs and hurt South Carolina. That to me sums it all up.
As a Columbus resident, I know exactly why it makes you hate Auburn
This city may be in Georgia, but there is no doubt that this is an Auburn town. It’s terrible. All I see is old ladies walking around in all Auburn gear who couldn’t tell you whether or not it’s even football season. Most Auburn fans I’ve met do not know who their starting quarterback is or who they play next.
by Swarles_Barkley on Nov 9, 2011 5:39 PM EST up reply actions
The biggest problem
is that they have never just been beaten. They have been robbed by the refs. They have handed games away. Not one person from here who is an AU fan has ever just said, “we got beat.” Do all fan bases, including UGA, make excuses from time to time, yes. But not about every game. We got beat my Boise. South Carolina made big plays to win the game. The AU fans in Columbus would never admit that type thing. The other thing is their desire to try to influence your kids. I see a kid in an AU hat then I say hi and go about my business. I have had many an AU fan here come up to my kids and make snide comments about their UGA stuff that they are wearing. It is one thing to say Go Dawgs when seeing a stranger wearing the G, it is totally another thing to go up to a complete stranger on a random Tuesday in April and yell out War Eagle because they are wearing that same hat. Ah must calm down, just thinking about them makes by blood boil.
by dawgfan17 on Nov 10, 2011 3:19 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Hello Bulldogs.
I hope each of you is doing well. I always enjoy visiting your site and hearing your perspectives (even though I may often disagree with them). Wishes for a game free of injuries to either team.
Sincerely,
wardamncivilengineer
Thanks, WarDamnCE.
Much obliged. Here’s to a hard-fought, clean, incident- and injury-free game.
Manager, Dawg Sports, SB Nation's Georgia Bulldogs weblog.
Go 'Dawgs!
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