When the two best teams in the conference and the two worst teams in the conference square off on the same Saturday, it makes it pretty easy to fill out an SEC Power Poll ballot . . . provided, of course, that the league has the same number of teams this Sunday that it had last Sunday. Wait, what? Oh, for crying out loud, some of us are trying to follow a football season here, do you mind? Anyway, here is how the twelve teams currently in the conference stack up against one another:
1. LSU Tigers (9-0 overall, 6-0 SEC): In light of his position on the Bayou Bengals’ two losses in 2007, does Les Miles get to celebrate this win? He thinks last Saturday night’s showdown in Tuscaloosa should count as a tie, right?
2. Alabama Crimson Tide (8-1, 5-1): The Tide’s field goal kicker stinks. Do you know how bad your field goal kicker has to be for a Georgia fan to be able to say that?
3. Arkansas Razorbacks (8-1, 4-1): So, wait, is there a scenario where the Hogs could represent the West in the SEC Championship Game? I’m just asking. No reason or anything.
4. Georgia Bulldogs (7-2, 5-1): Yeah, there’s a compelling case to be made for the proposition that all the ‘Dawgs did was play seven straight mediocre teams and wait for South Carolina’s annual late-season fade, but, after the last three seasons, we’ll take it!
6. Auburn Tigers (6-3, 4-2): The Plainsmen are ranked lower, have a worse record, and are playing between the hedges. In other words, they have us right where they want us.
7. Florida Gators (5-4, 3-4): Ha, ha! You almost lost to Vandy! Do you know how bad you have to stink to almost lose to Vandy? Oh, wait, shoot. Nevermind.
8. Vanderbilt Commodores (4-5, 1-5): The Commies’ record should list "wins," "losses," and "games in which the ‘Dores scared the crap out of teams that should’ve pounded them."
9. Mississippi St. Bulldogs (5-4, 1-4): Dan Mullen has already ordered the party platters to put out when he has his team over to watch the Conference USA Championship Game.
10. Tennessee Volunteers (4-5, 0-5): I hope the Vols enjoyed their win over Middle Tennessee State; it was probably their last victory over an in-state opponent this season.
11. Kentucky Wildcats (4-5, 1-4): The good news is that the ‘Cats scored 20 fourth-quarter points to overcome a 13-10 deficit and beat Ole Miss. The bad news is that they had to do that in the first place.
12. Mississippi Rebels (2-7, 0-6): The over/under on rumored Houston Nutt replacement candidates who reportedly turn the job down is five.
With each passing week, the proper placement of teams on my SEC Power Poll ballot becomes more and more clear, but, as always, I am open to curious questions and constructive criticisms in the comments below.