The Monday To Do List Hears Houston Nutt Is A Lock To Replace Gary Patterson At TCU*

It's the Monday following a holiday weekend jam-packed with college football. So you probably have a few things you need to catch up on. Like eating, showering, and putting on pants. You know, ancillary stuff. But once you've taken care of those minor details I hope you'll move onto the other pressing business of the day. My action items for the day are these:

1) Watch that clip of Bobby Petrino throwing a temper-tantrum over and over and over again. Petrino getting mad and dropping F-bombs about running up the score is like Charlie Sheen leading an intervention. In theory it's a nice message, but a really crummy messenger. I'm not entirely certain Bobby Petrino wouldn't set an orphanage ablaze for a .0001 move in the BCS. He'd probably give the orphans a good 10 minute heads up and some change for a room at the HoJo first, but Beady Eyes would definitely burn that mother down.

 

 

2) Listen closely for Boise State fans making the case for Houston to play for it all. But, but I thought a non-AQ team that goes undefeated deserves that chance? Look, I'm just as circumspect as everyone else about this whole "Game Of The Century Part Deux" business. The fact that we're talking about two SEC teams and the resulting fact that fans in Big Ten and Big East country (you know, like San Diego) are going apoplectic over it soothes me just a little. At the end of the day there just aren't a whole lot of good options for a BCS championship matchup this season, outside of an LSU intersquad scrimmage. The corollary to this is that if by some chance Georgia manages to beat LSU on Saturday the BCS system as a whole is going to look even more dysfunctional. And we all know how Mark Richt relishes his role as an agent of chaos. {Dark Richt jpg goes here}.

 


3) Figure out who'll be on a hotter seat in 2012, Derek Dooley or Will Muschamp. I think the answer is Dooley, but only by a hair. Florida was physically dominated once again on Saturday, this time by a Florida State team that looked only a smidge less awful than the Gators and really needed a win to salvage a disappointing season which began with national title hopes.  Will Muschamp admitted Saturday night what anyone who's watched his team this season already knew: they're soft. Mark Richt knows as well as anyone that problem can be fixed, but also how difficult the task is.

Dooley on the other hand was dealt a tough schedule, some crippling injuries and good old-fashioned bad breaks, and somehow managed to rise above none of it. Vol fans are having a hard time dealing with a last place finish in the SEC East, and one can hardly blame them. I imagine losing to Kentucky for the first time in over a quarter century would be enough to break anyone loose from his moorings. Don't worry hillfolk, as a Georgia fan I can promise you get used to it. Besides, once Coach Calipari loses a basketball game Wildcat fans will forget all about you. And us. And their children, spouses and personal hygiene.

 


4) Soak in the belittling slings and arrows of our neighbors. In case you missed it, we haven't played anybody, our offense sucks and our defense is overrated. If (insert jack leg blog commenter's favorite team) had our schedule they'd be in the Dome. Whatever. If my Aunt Fanny had an Adam's Apple she'd be my Uncle Fred. The reality is that we're there, SEC brethren.  Deal with it. We won 10 games in a row. Unless you're coached by Les Miles you didn't. Put that in your gumbo and boil it.


My biggest worry is that LSU will be the most physical team we've played, and we're playing them after getting extra helpings at Paul Johnson's Chop Block Buffet. We're a team that's kind of banged up, facing a team that likes to bang other people around. By all rights LSU should run us out of the building Saturday afternoon. Then again by all rights Iowa State should never beat Oklahoma State, Eli Manning shouldn't have a Super Bowl ring, bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly, and Whitney shouldn't have made it past the pilot stage. Life is full of absurd and nonsensical things come to life.

 

And if Georgia does win, thereby sending 2 SEC teams to the BCS title game who didn't actually win the SEC, it is entirely probable that Mark May will fly into a 3 day rage that ends with him being gunned down by Bristol, Connecticut police while holding Lou Holtz hostage with a machete. That alone is reason enough for the rest of you to root for us, blog bros and sisters.


5) Herald the coming of coaching silly season. If Mark Richt winds up in State College, Pennsylvania (a possibility some Penn State bloggers were openly considering yesterday) he'll fly there in his custom LOLicoptor. Urban Meyer however will be going to Ohio State, where Braxton Miller has to feel like a teenager who just found out Megan Fox is his new stepmom. Houston Nutt is now free to work his way through the Sun Belt Conference roster, and Neil Callaway is available once again to fill your school's roster with slow-footed, bum-shouldered 250 pound offensive guards. Penn State is about to find out that inflation has really done a number on coaching salaries in the past half century.

 

Steve Addazio's name has been mentioned in the derby to replace Ron Zook at Illinois, which means that the main selection criteria there is having turned Florida's offense into a dumpster fire. I assume that Charlie Weis has got next. And despite what many of us feared on the night of September 10, 2011, Greg McGarity may be the SEC East AD least likely to be leafing through that stack of resumes in his bottom desk drawer.

That should keep us occupied for a while. Until later . . .

Go 'Dawgs!!!


*I haven't heard this from anyone. But since we're just making crap up as we go along I figured it was at least as likely as anything SportsbyBrooks or Bleacher Report will vomit up in the next week.

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