Let's get one thing straight: I hate Florida. It's not just a simple dislike, a harmonious discord, or even a deep, latent enmity. I hate Florida with the fire of a thousand suns being stoked by the fire of an additional thousand suns. In a world where my choices were to cheer for Florida or go blind, I'd start learning Braille. Most of the time, however, I am (relatively) civil while expressing this intense Gator hatred.
For one week a year, though, I allow my hate to come out of the closet and be displayed in its raw, naked form. This is that week.
Yesterday, I covered the question of why we should hate Florida (for which there are myriad reasons). Today, I would like to expand into the next logical thought progression: How do we best display our hatred for the Gators?
I mean, anybody can repress hatred inside their cold, black heart for years, letting it quietly fester until the one day it explodes and takes them out, and possibly several innocent bystanders with them. To foster a more healthy lifelong hatred of all things Florida, instead, let’s explore how we can use our cold, black hearts to funnel our hatred towards those that deserve it.
Hey, that's a start, kid! (This picture has been lawya'd)
- Teach your pets to attack toy gators.
Note that I said toy gators, not real gators. (That will not end as well, or as cute.) But I dare you to find a more adorable expression of hatred than this:
(This picture has been lawya'd1) and (This picture has been lawya'd2)
- Sign on to a Georgia blog and spend most of the last 3 years talking about how much you hate Florida. Oh, wait. You know what? I think that one's already been covered...
- Beat Florida. Then go to a Gator blog and type "LOL U MAD?" in the postgame comment thread. Revel in the aftermath. (Note: Not recommended for those who don't want to get banned.)
You could also use this picture in such a post. (Hypothetically, of course.) (This picture has been lawya'd)
- Really, though, the most effective way to spread Gator hate is to just link to places where Gator fans post their own pictures. That'll do your job for you of encouraging shared hate, and sometimes it'll also cause you to laugh so hard that the hate lines on your face (well, my face, anyway) might soften just a little bit! To wit:
Those are my suggestions on how to hate Florida... do you have any more?