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Why YOUR Georgia Bulldawgs will go 0 - 11 in '11 (see what I did there?)


Really, this is the only rational conclusion one can come to when presented with such sobering facts.  To wit:

The Coaching:  Mark Richt, in his 11th season as UGA’s head coach is violating the “Spurrier Rule”…don’t stay more than 10 years.  His passion is gone, the game has passed him by, and old age has set upon him (he’s 51 for God’s sakes!).  Total washout.  Coach Bobo will fare no better in 2011, losing his key WR thus decimating his playbook of “1st & bomb” followed by “play-action fake”.  Carlton Thomas will continue to benefit next season, however, from the 3rd down dive.  Coach Grantham now realizes he’s no longer in Jerry’s World anymore, but in the SEC where spread-option attacks by professional…err…Heisman trophy winners shred his vaunted 3 – 4 defense.  And a 103 year-old strength & conditioning coach…please.  Yelling “You kids get off my lawn!” will hardly bring back the junkyard dawg tenacity of yesteryear.

The Players:  Green…gone.  Houston…gone.  Murray will have his sophomore slump.  No running game, and no way to compete with the talent in the SEC without a big recruiting class.  Which we won’t get, as no one has committed since AUGUST!!  It’s like all the highways are blocked and no one can even get to Athens.  Must be those Tech highway “civil” engineers in the Georgia DOT.

The Schedule:  Are you kidding me?!  We’d do better in the NFC West.  First up…a beat-down by eventual BCS Champ Boise in the Spicy Chicken Dome.  More chickens roost as Spurrier hangs the other half-a-hundred on us in Sanford he’s been waiting for over 10 years.  With two losses out of the gate, Bobo will change the offensive scheme to “play action 1st”, “second & bomb”, and then Carlton Thomas on the 3rd down dive.  The ensuing loss to Coastal Carolina will also be the last game for Murray as starter, and Bobo begins to consult with Tankertoad on more offensive schemes.  Our first road game of the season to Ole Miss and return between the hedges against the fake bulldogs could not have been planned better for Haley Barbor’s presidential campaign…two big wins for the State U’s.  Completely down-trodden now, the Red & Black limp into Volunteer land, and witness the rise of the “new” Dooley era, followed in quick succession by a loss to Vandy….who outsmart us, of course.  In need of a cocktail, the Dawgs head to Jax only to see a blocked FG in OT returned for a safety and a stunning loss…again.  (Right…like that couldn’t happen?!)  Thinking we have a bye week, the Dawgs forfeit to New Mexico St. in Sanford.  Everyone blames McGarity for changing our schedule so much.  Auburn signs Kurt Warner to a 2 –year, $4 million contract to come out of retirement and he puts on a dazzling display to beat UGA between the hedges.  Mike Slive vows to look into his eligibility sometime in 2015.  With nothing to play for, we lose easily to Kentucky…our latest Sanford tradition…and head to Georgia Tech for the season’s only chance at redemption.  But the smartest man in college football (titled conferred by AJC Sports Dept.) has his bumblebees run rampant over our diminished pups and we end the nightmare of 2011 at a purely imperfect 0 -12.

Intangibles:  Many fans…at least 6 or 7…will protest the retention of CMR and follow through on their threat to cancel their season tickets and contributions.  The economic loss to UGA will be staggering.  And poor, poor UGA VIII…stricken with the Big C, he will be in the fight for his life and completely unable to attend to his duties.  Cousin Russ is wonderful, but check that record…he’s no Otto.

 

And that, my friends, is why UGA can’t possibly win at all in 2011.  It’s as clear as a Mayan calendar.

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