I don't have a twitter account because I find it hard enough to be intelligible with unlimited space. 140 character bursts would just make my non sequiturs that much more unsettling.
But Vanderbilt coach Robbie Caldwell tweets on the daily. And while most athlete/coach twitter feeds are less than useless (how many ways are there to say "Going to practice this afternoon. Working to get better"?) You should be gobbling up Coach Caldwell's pearls of wisdom. For example:
"I am off to see my baby ride her horses. Her state show is next week. Barrel racing and pole bending. Wish I could ride." --- August 28, 2010
If Robbie Caldwell comes roaring into the Commodores' opener against Northwestern aboard a fiery steed, Vandy instantly becomes my second favorite SEC squad. I can't help it. 2:1 odds he'd be wearing a Lone Ranger mask, because Robbie Caldwell is a student of American pop culture and an icon in the making. Also:
"Had my first press conference today! I hope it went well. Didn't know what to expect. Need a shot of B-12 and get back at it." --- August 30, 2010
Coach, allow me. If nobody said "Could you repeat that one more time? I just need to make sure I quoted you exactly right." Or "That's the meanest thing I've heard anyone say about Dan Mullen's mother in at least two weeks" you're probably ok. Believe me, as someone who's seen coaaches say things they really shouldn't up close and personal, you'll know when you go one step too far. You just won't realize it until after you've already stepped off the cliff.
And finally, the one that got it started, Caldwell's initial tweet of August 22:
Tweeting like a bird on the twitter...just set it up! All you Commodore fans get on board! This ship is about to set sail!
Don't you ever change, you folksy jive turkey. You're like Houston Nutt with no private cellphone and a locker room full of honor students. Don't ever change. Or beat Georgia. Cocktails all around this afternoon. Until then . . .