This is supposed to be the point in the season at which teams begin to separate themselves from one another, so why is the SEC such a jumbled muddle at this point? I’m absolutely confident that Alabama is No. 1 and Kentucky is No. 7, but, otherwise, Nos. 2 through 6 and Nos. 8 through 12 are more of a tangle than King Henry’s position in Act I, Scene 2, of "The Lion in Winter." Accordingly, I am disclaiming all warranties, express or implied, with respect to the propriety of the placement of the following twelve teams:
1. Alabama Crimson Tide (3-0): Most Alabama fans believe the Tide will never lose another game between now and the end of time. I have no evidence before me to suggest that they are wrong.
2. South Carolina Gamecocks (3-0): That win over Southern Miss is looking a little more legit now, isn’t it? The Palmetto State Poultry are a solid squad winning games the old-fashioned way, by running the ball, controlling the clock, and playing stout defense. That must gall the heck out of Steve Spurrier.
3. Arkansas Razorbacks (3-0): Sigh.
4. LSU Tigers (3-0): The Bayou Bengals posted an impressive win over a solid squad. When’s the last time anyone was able to type that sentence?
5. Auburn Tigers (3-0): On the plus side, the Plainsmen came back to beat the Clemson Tigers after falling behind 17-0 at home. On the minus side, the Plainsmen had to come back to beat the Clemson Tigers after falling behind 17-0 at home.
6. Florida Gators (3-0): While I
suspect fear that the Sunshine State Saurians are better than they have played, the fact remains that they haven’t played well yet. Either the Vols boast the best first-half team in the country, or Florida’s 7-3 halftime lead was not impressive.
7. Kentucky Wildcats (3-0): To their credit, the ‘Cats are 3-0. Then again, there probably are about 75 Division I-A programs that would be 3-0 against that schedule. Play someone, already!
8. Mississippi St. Bulldogs (1-2): Even though Dan Mullen’s club is 0-2 in SEC play, I’d take the Western Division Bulldogs to beat any of the 1-2 teams listed behind them. I really hope next Saturday proves me wrong upon that point.
9. Vanderbilt Commodores (1-2): Robbie Caldwell has ten words he’d like to say to everyone who predicted the Music City Sailors would go 0-8 in SEC play. The last eight words are: ". . . and the turkey in on which you rode!" Yes, I’m correcting the Robbie Caldwell voice I hear in my head so that he doesn’t end sentences with prepositions.
10. Tennessee Volunteers (1-2): So far, Derek Dooley’s two greatest achievements are (a) giving Big Orange fans reason to look at one another at halftime and say, "This ain’t as bad as I thought it’d be," and (b) losing by large enough margins in the second half that no one is tempted to break out the "moral victory" insult.
11. Mississippi Rebels (1-2): When you’re three games into your season and a loss to Vandy at home is by far the least embarrassing setback in your ledger, you have issues.
12. Georgia Bulldogs (1-2): The ‘Dawgs are 0-2 in SEC play. Manic Kyle has duct tape over his mouth and is tied up and locked in the trunk of a car being driven by Depressive Kyle.
Bear in mind that this is a power poll---who would beat whom next Saturday, based upon how well the various teams have played so far, and suchlike---and that my BlogPoll ballot uses resume ranking. I reserve the right to plead alternately and inconsistently.