Free Form Friday Is 100% Authentic And Untampered With.

Lance Armstrong appears to be in a serious pickle over more allegations of doping during his long and (at least until it all gets erased by a crew of cheese-eating, history-revising, surrender monkeys) successful cycling career. One thing's for sure: when the federal prosecutors start asking your friends and associates if they have a few moments to speak, and oh by the way did you hear how well Marion Jones is doing since she was released from prison for lying to us, that's never a good thing.

It looks like you can trace most of this back to Armstrong's former teammate Floyd Landis, who had his 2006 Tour de France title stripped after an abnormally high testosterone test. Smelling blood in the water, the Feds have gone after members of the U.S. Postal Service team which Armstrong lead in his heyday. It's a domino-falling extravanganza which won't stop any time soon.

Perhaps I'm just cynical. As a sportsblogger and a lawyer, it kind of comes with the territory. But I long ago ceased believing that Lance Armstrong wouldn't go down eventually for some sort of PED shenanigans. It's been pretty clear for years that French authorities and international cycling officials were going to continue to press him, and the U.S. authorities have picked up the scent. But really, I long ago ceased to care about it. Because I believe, based on no firsthand knowledge or direct  evidence, that Armstrong was doping. So were the French, Italian, Czech and Andorran cyclists he was competing against. Especially the Andorrans. Those people will cheat you blind, and they're insanely competitive. You know, assuming there's not a world war going on or something.

Bottomline, you'll get no faux outrage from me on Lance Armstrong. Professional cycling has long been rumored to be a poorly policed den of cheating. Lance Armstrong's chief problem is that of all the cheaters he's the most famous.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is "very encouraged" with Ben Roethlisberger's conduct lately, as he appears to be genuinely changing his lifestyle. I suppose that means Goodell hasn't heard tell of the 28 year old QB drunkenly cornering any college students in the bathroom at the local watering hole. That's quite an accomplishment, no? If he stops responding to those emailed pleas to help smuggle family money out of Nigeria and starts wearing a motorcycle helmet, he'll have earned his Not Doing Stupid Stuff Merit Badge.

Thankfully, it appears that Florida Executive Assistant Athletic Director Greg McGarity's candidacy for the AD's job at Georgia is completely authentic, as he confirmed to the Athens Banner Herald. There is a compelling case to be made for McGarity's candidacy, one which has already been ably made on this page. Will McGarity get the job? Who knows. But his genuine interest in it is a necessary first step.

I know. I saw it. Spencer Hall saw it. Deadspin saw it. Hell, Huffington Post saw it. The poor exploited UGA orientation assistants made a really cheesy video to the tune of Miley Cyrus's "Party in the U.S.A." There's not a lot else that can be said about this trainwreck that hasn't already been put forth. Except for this. It could have been worse. Just look at what's happened with other orientation videos around the southeast.

  • At Auburn the orientation video has been shot to the tune of Foggy Mountain Breakdown for the past 12 years. In 1998, Auburn students thought the song had just been released. The student body has unanimously agreed ever since that their video is a lot better than Alabama's, even though the orientation assistants in Tuscaloosa clearly cheated by hiring Steven Soderbergh to direct.
  • Mississippi State's orientation video this year is a modern art piece by Starkville standards. It features a cowbell actually situated around the neck of a red angus cow. Most of the student body still hasn't quite figured it out.
  • Ole Miss won't be doing an orientation video this year. Right after Jeremiah Masoli transferred in the laptop with the script and music mix on it disappeared.
  • Derek Dooley was put in charge of Tennessee's orientation video. He recruited a Pocatello, Idaho company to produce it which also had offers to do the video work for the University of Idaho, San Jose State, and a couple of other successful WAC admissions teams.
  • Les Miles will be handling LSU's orientation video. Or at least he was. He started work on the thing, hired 23 CGI engineers, a troupe of dancing monkeys and an elephant that does the haka to star in it, but ran out of time and didn't get it finished before classes started.
  • Florida quarterback John Brantley spent the summer working hard on his University's admissions video. The first time Steve Addazio saw it he removed all of the explosions, both love scenes, and 65% of the dialogue before finishing his unflavored oatmeal and calling another quarterback draw out of the shotgun. Deonte Thompson still thought it was better than last year's video.

And while our orientation crew could have used Miley Cyrus's autotuner, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals require no such high tech assistance. Authentic talent is weird that way:


Until later . . .

 

Go 'Dawgs!!!

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