First of all, my original contribution to this week's "guest posting" was going to be more of an analytical take. I was actually going to post something along the lines of statistics, history, match-ups, personnel, and the like regarding Georgia Bulldog Football, college football, etc. After all, this is a football blog, right? But after the events of the past few days involving our A.D., and after Vineyarddawg's solid contribution addressing the issue at hand, I decided to redirect at the last hour because:
HOLY CRAP WE NEED SOME COMEDY AROUND HERE.
My plan to make us all very, very wealthy...
I have a relative who is connected to the movie industry out in L.A. Okay, so he manages a Blockbuster near Warner Brothers, but he says to trust him, and I do.
He has convinced me to be my own casting agent, and these are the people (dead and otherwise) who I would cast as you, fellow regulars, to star in my upcoming Epic Blockbuster Major Motion Picture. (Don't worry, Kyle...I wasn't going to use the title without contacting you first. I know that lawyers can be a bit touchy on copyright issues and such. I figured we'd just shake hands a split this 60-40. Plus, we've got a built-in legal department.)
Now I know that I'm going to leave out one or two of you on this list. Please do not take offense. You will have an opportunity to tell me who I should cast as yourself or others in the comment section.
- Richard I. Bong as TankerToad
To this day, he's still the American Ace of Aces. Shot down 40 Japanese planes during World War Two. He was also a cussin' curmudgeon who always sized up the opposition, looked at their strengths and weaknesses, made informed decisions before he blazed away. He was also notoriously pessimistic, except when he was blasting Japs out of the sky. Richard Bong would have made a Great Dawg. Though not an actor, Hollywood looks. Just like Tankertoad, I think. He would not hesitate to sacrifice a goat underneath the Arch on Broad Street, either. Okay, so Tankertoad isn't a fighter pilot. He does gas up big 'ol jets from the bottom of a flying tanker (KC-135 I believe...a converted 707? ) And, like Richard Bong, he doesn't pull any punches. And like Richard Bong, he flies by the seat of his pants. That's a good thing whether it's the atmosphere or blogosphere...
- Wonder Woman as podunkdawg
Have you participated in any of the live football or basketball threads? The pace is fast. Frenetic. If you blink, you might just miss something. As you mere mortals swill beer and blog, podunkdawg is typing with a wit sharp enough to etch glass, and bake. That awesome smell of fresh brownies you notice by the end of the 2nd quarter wafting around your living room is not coming from your kitchen. It's coming from hers. How she does this is a one of the great mysteries of a complex world.
- Fernando Torres as Vineyarddawg
I was thinking about George Best, who was hip. Tragically Hip. I chose to stay a bit more contemporary here. As you know, Vineyarddawg is a big
footballsoccer fan and we have that in common. Plus, Torres is quite articulate and seems like a genuinely likable fellow, not unlike Vineyarddawg. Sure, Torres is injured and isn't having the best World Cup, but he'll bounce back. Similarly, Vineyardawg was also injured for much of the second half of the Kentucky game when he kicked his couch and broke his middle toe. And the couch. For this he received a red card.
- Ballchinian as CraigT
Let's just say we have 'history." Hey, at least I cast you.
- Austin Powers as wwcmrd?
I can't say that I know wwcmrd? quite as well as some of the other regulars, but how can someone whose name ends in a question mark not be a bit of an enigma? Yes, I think Central Casting will approve of my choice to play you, sir. Notice I chose Mr. Powers post-dentistry improvements. You're welcome!
- Jack Daniels as MaconDawg
MaconDawg is a lawyer. Jack Daniels was a lawyer. I think. He sure looked like a lawyer. MaconDawg is a mixer of elixer. Jack Daniels was the ultimate mixer of elixers. MaconDawg has an awesome mustache (or has the potential to grow an awesome mustache) and a bowtie and a killer stetson. MaconDawg takes drink requests at all hours of the day. So did Jack Daniels. Both are true American Heroes. God bless you, gentlemen. Past and Present.
- Angus Young as SG Standard
I bet alot of you were wondering what the heck is an SG Standard? Well, it's a kickass guitar made by Gibson which features humbucking pickups on a solid body. Gibson calls it "the backbone of rock and roll." True Dat. (I'm a Stratocasterman myself...but only because I'm not man enough to heft an axe with the power of an SG Standard.) SG Standard, the man, is one of the backbones of DawgSports. His straight-forward, rockin' posts cut through the clutter. SG Standard and Angus Young: Separated at birth?
- Kevin Kline (as Paden, from Silverado) as T. Kyle King
Silverado remains, to this day, one of my favorite all-time movies. Kevin Kline's character, Paden, was the brains of the whole good-guy-gang. He was a righteous dude, an everyman...but a hero. Smart, witty, articulate, and a huge Georgia fan from what I hear. T. Kyle King, the brains behind DawgSports (except when MaconDawg takes over as the brains of DawgSports) is our hero. He's our mentor, our leader, the "Director", The Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah. The Mayor. The Man with The Plan. The, well, you get the idea. Without DawgSports, none of us would waste as much time as we do. This is something to be damned proud of. And collectively we have laughed, cried, gasped, cursed, smiled, frowned and generally had an awesome time...at least I have. Who amongst you, when you arise in the morning, log onto DawgSports before you even begin your work day? I do. Kyle, our hero with a beard. And a lawyer, too. It's his sandbox. He let's us play in it. We like that.
- Dirty Harry as RedCrake
I admit I had a bit of trouble visualizing this one. From what I can remember I do believe RC revealed himself as a teacher. That is a profession I respect above all. I tried it for a year, but couldn't hang. Maybe because I taught 8th graders; soulless, evil, maniacal 8th graders. Anyway, it takes a special kind of dude to teach. Without the use of a Smith and Wesson Model 29, too. And it takes a mighty big dog to weigh a ton. Sorry for the non-sequitur, but it's late. Anyway, RedCrake's one liners are Clint Eastwood worthy...and to teach, you've got to be tough. Hats off to you, sir. A fine Dawg, blogger, teacher and disciplinarian (I'm sure). I can think of no better disciplinarian than Dirty Harry. Go ahead, AP honors student...make my day.
Folks, I could go on for hours. But at some point I've got to save this post and move on with my life. Besides, the Braves are in extra innings. There are several folks mentioned on my movie poster that stand to make big bucks when this thing goes international. So, you just hang in there. I'm sorry you are not mentioned specifically, but remember, it's a work in progress. This is where the rest of you regulars get to lend a hand. Let me know who (past or present) you would like to play you (or someone else) in the upcoming flick "DawgSports: The Movie". Help me help you. The next step is to find a distributor for this flick. That, and actually film it. But we are all well on our way to unimaginable riches. Butter for Everybody!