It's college football's offseason. That's not my problem. It's not your problem. It's our problem. And collective problems call for collective solutions.
Thus we present Free Form Friday. Until further notice, I'll spend Fridays posting a vaguely organized compendium of non-sequiturs, pop culture observations and college sports miscellany which you may discuss in the comments, or ignore in favor of your own topics. Think of it as your weekend open comment thread.
If ever there were a Biblical feeling week in college football, this has been it. If I were writing from inside the headquarters of the Big
XI X XII Conference right now I'd be in full-on locust watch. And USC athletics has certainly been smote. Let's look at things a little more closely shall we?
Here's a little something for those of you not named Pete Carroll. In other words, for those of you who actually care what the NCAA had to say about Reggie Bush, O.J. Mayo and the whole sordid mess. The NCAA's 67 page infractions report can be found here.
Some of the things to take away from it: having high voltage Hollywood celebrities hanging around your lockerroom unsupervised makes the NCAA nervous. The fact that Snoop Dogg may or may not have been one of them may have had a littizzle something to dizzle with that. [Come for the college sports! Stay for the five year old pop culture references!] Also don't try to tell the NCAA that you could have complied better if you had more compliance staff. If you're a cash-heavy private university with lots of athletic money they'll just say you should have fired more compliance staff. Also, when the first page of the report mentions a member institution "sticking its head in the sand", what follows is not likely to be pretty. Oh, and Reggie Bush once did 2 days in Vegas for under $600, reportedly received from a would-be sports agent. Frowned upon? Yes. Frugal? Refreshingly so. But this was before he starting rolling with the Kardashians, so take that into account.
Oh, and USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett is a 100% bona fide, Grade A idiot. Like, looks up to see the rain and subsequently drowns, kind of idiot. Stupidest response to NCAA investigation ever right here. Hubris. It's what's for breakfast.
Free Form Friday is obviously a little shorter this week because I'm pretty tied up, and now scared to post anything longer than 12 lines for fear that it will be outdated by the time I click "submit." I could write 3000 words on conferencemegatechtonicshift 2010, but I'll leave it at this: If the newly configured Pac-__ is in fact a legitimate candidate for two automatic BCS bids, then we need a conference that is equally impressive stepping off the bus. This of course assumes that the current rejiggering of college football does not render the BCS a dead letter in the near future, which is a whole different debate far outside the scope of this post. The latest rumor with legs on the internet has Texas A&M and Oklahoma joining the SEC West, which I imagine would necessitate someone, likely Auburn, moving to the East. I'm actually fine with that because we were going to play them every season anyway. It's still an SEC game. Doesn't affect the price of tea in China. Though if we're going to need to designate a new western division annual rival, I call dibs on Ole Miss. Better scenery than Starkville, less chance of actual physical injury than Baton Rouge. I'm just saying.
But again, I'm not opposed to the concept itself, it's just that the reality doesn't always live up to the concept. Unless "the concept" is in fact "The Concept" by Scottish rockers Teenage Fanclub. In which case I'm all for it:
Though no one under the age of 30 ever heard of them (and the penetration in the older demographic was pretty slim), Teenage Fanclub was once hailed by Oasis's Liam Gallagher as "the second best band in the world". Behind, of course, Oasis. And you thought Mike Garrett was arrogant. Incidentally, as a teenager I was once actually mistaken for the lead singer of Teenage Fanclub, which is not strictly college sports related, but on this most bizarro of days it just seemed like the type of bizarro anecdote that fits the pattern of events.
If you're looking for bizarro theme music for this weekend's vertigo inducing trip through college football's looking glass, may I make a suggestion?
Here's a little clue for you all . . . the walrus was Dan Hawkins. It turns out Colorado's AD fired him in July of 2009 and they've had an imposter coaching the Buffs ever since. In hindsight, it makes a lot of sense.
Feel free to discuss conference expansion, Reggie Bush's character, your hatred of Auburn, 90's Britpop, your celebrity dopplegangers, your favorite Beatles covers, or whatever the heck else you want in the comments. Until later, if you hear that Kyle and I are leaving to blog for the Big East . . .well, I suggest you do what you think you have to do. Rest assured they made it worth our while. These are crazy, mercenary times and I got to do for me and mine.