Well, I think we can now say with 100% certainty that Excessivus and the rest of the college football gods are just finicky. They act and react as they please, and any attempt to discover their ways is met with extreme indifference at best, and extreme prejudice at worst. This week, I think the dialogue went something like this:
Minor college football god: "Hey, Excessivus! This vineyarddawg guy thinks he has us figured out!"
Excessivus: "... oh, I'm sorry, what's that? I was busy setting up the 60" Plasma 3D TV that Les Miles sent over."
MCFG: Check out this silly little "on notice" post. Dude thinks he knows how we operate.
(Sound of wild, cackling laughter.)
E: "Well, let's see... what's the largest word listed on your little board, little man? Ah, there it is... King. Let's see what we can do about that..."
(smites Caleb King)
E: "Done! What's next?"
MCFG: "I don't know, I'm bored. Let's check out that 3D TV!"
Since I'm now aware that the college football gods know that I know that they know about my study of them, I've decided to simply list my "on notice" board in random order from here on out. There's nothing to be gained from raising the gods' ire.
One final note before the business; those of you who pay too much attention to insignificant minutiae are probably thinking, "Wait, last week's entry said, 'Week 6.' Why does this week's say 'Week 8?'" Well, you've got some nerve questioning me, mister. (Insert angry Troy McClure picture that I couldn't find here.)
Besides, there's a good explanation. Since I do this at the beginning of the week, I'm actually putting people on notice for the following week. That means I should be labeling my "on notice" segments by upcoming week, not the week that has just been completed. (This is only my third week doing this, after all... I'm still learning the ropes. Your forbearance is appreciated.)
In no particular order, those on notice this week are:
1) Michael Adams - Why Michael Adams? Because he's a jerk, has stolen money from and is a disaster for University, and everybody that has ever worked with him hates him. Plus, I have it from a very authoritative source inside the UGA administration that he has already spoken personally with Bobby Petrino about becoming the next head coach of the Georgia Bulldogs. Any other questions?
2) Ole Miss Fans - Ok, I get it that the mascot thing is a sensitive issue. At Red Cup Rebellion (the Ole Miss entry at SBNation), however, this whole thing has gone ham. The discussion quickly deteriorated from strong disagreement about the mascot choice to little more than a Jerry Springer show, with each side alternating calling each other a carpetbagger or a racist inbred redneck. (This concession speech by Hotty Toddy, though, is absolute gold.)
Come on guys... it's just a bear. Alabama has an elephant as a mascot, even though their actual nickname is a thinly-veiled reference to menses. Tennessee has a coonhound mascot, even though they're actually named after the people taking your name at those Red Cross blood drives. And Auburn... jeebus, don't even get me started.
I would have preferred the landshark, but even so... it's just a bear. Move on.
3) Georgia's Timeouts - This issue was widely misunderstood on Saturday. See, many people think that the coaching staff severely mismanaged their timeout situation at the beginning of the first half. In reality, though, they had learned just after kickoff that the timeouts had reached an agreement to sell their game-worn position on the Sanford Stadium scoreboard for $1,000 to a "complete stranger" from Gainesville, Florida named Urban something-or-other. The coaches were making the only reasonable decision in kicking the timeouts out of the game as soon as possible.
(Hey, timeouts... see the picture below re: getting it together.)
4) Clever Students - Many people commented on the students whose bodies were painted in green yesterday, and my family earnestly tried to figure out just what the heck they had painted on their bodies. After poring through my DVR'ed copy of the game, I can now definitively say that the students, whose bodies were all painted green, had painted on their chest the following words: "Adriel (space) Jeremiah #1."
Adriel Jeremiah, as you might by now surmise, would be the proper name of the individual we know as A.J. Green. This was one of the most awesome and clever ideas thought up by the students who paint their bodies every week, but even so, why did they paint their bodies so poorly as to make it almost impossible to read what they had written? The kids sitting just to their right painted their bodies in such a way as to make it clear that their art said, "Georgia Dawgs."
These two groups really need to get their heads together, because I really (really) would like to see a set of green-painted bodies lauding Adriel Jeremiah Green at another home game in the future.
5) The ACCPD - AdamLilly called me out for taking "Players getting arrested" off the board last week, and he does have a point. When I reflect on the legal situation vis a vis the Georgia Bulldogs football team, however, I can only come to the conclusion that it is no longer the players whom I should be calling out. It is the Athens-Clarke County Police Department.
I have great respect for police officers, the crap they get put through on a regular basis, and the danger that they put themselves in for all of us on a daily basis. For years, though, it has seemed that there is a seedy underbelly in the ACCPD that gets its kicks by targeting UGA athletes. In situations where other college-age students might get a warning or just a ticket (or, many times, just an annoyed glare), Georgia athletes get locked up faster than you can say, "Fulmer Cup."
Take Caleb King's situation, for instance. His brother called him to drive his car home, and instead of merely checking to see that he had a driver's license, the ACC cops did a database check on both Caleb and the guy that drove him to come and pick up his brother's car. That kind of "vigilance" seems far too well-timed to be a random occurrence.
The higher-ups in the ACCPD need to kick somebody's butt and get their act together. They should focus on doing a better job of serving and protecting the people of Athens-Clarke County instead of squeezing athletes just because they're more well-known than many other Athens residents. In short...
6) The entire Eastern Division of the SEC - After the events of Week 7, there are now exactly zero teams in the SEC East with a winning conference record. If Vanderbilt can somehow find a way to beat South Carolina this Saturday in Nashville, then no matter what happens the rest of the day, the Commies will be alone in first place in the SEC East. I don't believe I need to explain this any further. Come on boys... step it up.
7) The Florida Gators - I don't care if it's 2 weeks away. Unlike the team, I am afforded the luxury of looking ahead to the next opponent after this one. Georgia's last two wins, combined with Florida's last two losses, have given me hope, and hope leads to disappointment, which leads to depression, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering...
I sense much hope in you.
... I'm sorry, where was I? Oh, right. We're coming, Gators. We might not win (again), but you'd better damn well be ready if you want to get within 6 games of evening up the all-time series.
(I hate Florida.)
8) Students with Tickets - Once again, when the first ball was kicked on Saturday, there was an entire section and a half that was empty in the west endzone. The north east upper deck did seem to be about half full, so there was some improvement, but not enough to get the students off the board. I understand that the administration's handling of student ticket distribution is partially to blame here, but come on. You kids need to either get out and support your team, or the athletic department needs to pare back the size of the student section and sell the tickets to people who actually want to come to the game.
(Please reference the previous "get it together" picture above.)
This week brings our next road game, and the first since we seemed to have righted the ship. I have to attend the wedding of a close family friend next Saturday night, but I look forward to announcing at the wedding reception, "There ain't nothing like being a Bulldog on Saturday night after a Georgia victory!"