What Passes for Outrage in Pac-10 Country.

by MaconDawg on Aug 26, 2009 12:00 PM EDT

I don't subscribe to the debate over which college football conference is the best in the country. We here at Dawgsports dropped out of the conference wars early. Think of us as Switzerland, only with no known economic ties to the Nazis and better barbeque sauce.

But I will concede that college football is, if not better or worse, different in various parts of America. In Alabama for example, there's some semblance of outrage that star players Julio Jones and Mark Ingram may have taken an impermissible fishing trip with a guy who may not even be an Alabama booster. Most of that outrage appears to be seated in the greater Opelika metroplex, though I haven't the foggiest idea why.

In northern California, however, there's outrage over a far weightier issue: Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh's private toilet. [San Jose] Mercury News columnist Jon Wilner has gotten all angsty over the fact that Stanford booster John Arrillaga (who's also a commercial builder) put in a private bathroom/shower area in Coach Harbaugh's office valued at roughly $50,000. Wilner can bloviate far better than I, so I'll just let him provide the explanation for his agitation: "The bathroom might look good from the inside, but it looks awful from the outside. The Stanford athletic department is facing a multi-million (sic) revenue shortfall. Fundraising has cratered. Team budgets are being sliced. More than 20 jobs have been eliminated through layoffs and buyouts, and at least one sport (fencing) is in danger of being cut. So by all means, build the football coach a private bathroom."

He also helpfully points out that San Jose State Coach Dick Tomey doesn't have a private bathroom. Honestly, I wasn't aware that Dick Tomey was even still coaching. Of course, at SJSU he's lucky he didn't have to buy his own whistle. Pete Carroll doesn't have his own big boy potty either, but that's sort of a red herring. Pete exists on a different astral plane than the rest of us, one where normal bodily functions and daily hygiene have long ago been transcended.*

Why is this misplaced hostility? For starters, I bet if you look around the pristine Palo Alto campus you'll find that the big name donors outside the athletic department are still having their giving hands greased with a mix of choice chardonnay and fine cheeses. That's life inside the fundraising wing of a major private university. Athletic departments do not have a monopoly on inefficient use of resources in hard times.

Second, and far smarter folks than me have pointed this out before, the thing about private donations is that they are private. If Mr. Arrillaga had wanted to build Harbaugh a habachi grill or a crocheting room, so be it. I assure you, Stanford has donors giving to equally esoteric causes in all of its departments. I guarantee that there's a donor to the sociology department who's sent Cardinal faculty members to New Guinea or Guinea Bissau or Guinea Fowl Hollow, Arkansas on a research junket with little or no practical application. Or that there's a biology professor whose fascinating work in wombat mating (that is the study of, not the practice of) is just bound to pay utilitarian dividends any day now.

Finally, and I say this with full knowledge of my SEC homerism and the attached skewed worldview, this is nothing. If Mr. Wilmer read the contracts of most SEC or Big 12 football coaches he might have an outrage induced coronary episode. Nick Saban laughs at Jim Harbaugh's private bathroom as he flies in the Alabama private jet to his palace wallpapered in greenish portraits of Ben Franklin. Seriously, Saban's 2007 contract entitles him to 25 hours of private jet time per year. No, I'm not making that up. It's actually a matter of public record.

I'm not saying that universities shouldn't carefully guard the perception of their athletic departments by their alumni and the public at large. But I am saying that if Jim Harbaugh can now shave 30 minutes a day off his ablution time and thereby figure out a way to get Stanford back in the Rose Bowl, it will be money well spent. I'm also saying that Jim Harbaugh could probably make more money in at least a dozen other athletic departments than he makes at Stanford, so if a private john is all that's required to keep Jim on the job, it's a sweet deal, Jon.

Reminding you that you're all still #1 in my book,

Go 'Dawgs!!!

*But for the whole "bodily functions" thing this could also describe Opelika, I suppose.

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Indeed...

… the fans out in Opelika exist on a different astral plane than the rest of us, one where normal bodily functions and daily hygiene have for many long years been completely ignored.

Perhaps more to the point, though, is that this journalist is lamenting the fact that Stanford’s varsity fencing program might be cut. In fact, The Leland Stanford Junior University fields varsity teams (officially sponsored teams, not club programs) in 31 sports, far more than any other university I’m aware of. Compare this to Georgia, who participates in 19 sports, or UCLA, the perennial second-place finisher in the NACDA Director’s cup, who fields teams in 22 sports. And this large athletics base is provided for the benefit of an undergraduate student base of 6,812. (The total student body at Stanford is close to 15,000, but the majority of them are graduate students.)

If journalists want to complain about the money problems in Stanford athletics, they should look to revert certain varsity teams back to club status, such as the aforementioned fencing team, the squash team, or the synchronized swimming team. (No, I’m not making any of those up.) I know that many journalists are not good with math, but it doesn’t take a Stanford graduate to figure out that the football team has far more earnings potential (if they were to reach a BCS game, for example) than the varsity fencing team. I say let Jimmy have his own John.

by vineyarddawg on Aug 26, 2009 1:01 PM EDT reply actions

We use it as an excuse.

The Ohio State University Department of Athletics sponsors 36 fully funded varsity teams – 17 for women, 16 for men and three co-educational. It is part of the excuse we give for out of conference money making games and lower than SEC assistant coach pay. Which is why we don’t compete well with the SEC. If you guys only supported more sports, then we would have an equal playing field. Honestly that is the line I often hear.

I grew up in Columbus, OH and picked up three degrees from OSU over the years, but I am an outlier in Buckeye Nation, perhaps a result of living in exile outside of Big Ten Country for almost 10 years. I think most of the SEC has a laughable OOC schedule as well, but you guys make up for it by playing each other. My current hope is for Global warming to make the South too hot and all the kids will want to go to the more temperate climate of Ohio, :)

by Former_DC_Buck on Aug 28, 2009 2:15 PM EDT up reply actions

As the only Stanford fan on the Internet, I'll put in my two cents

First, let me attack the messenger. Jon Wilner is a contrarian who likes to stir up muck to make up for the fact that no one reads his column or takes him seriously. His AP ballots are usually the worst in the country, and he is more or less ignorant about sports in general and college football in particular. Hinton & Orson (and now you!) are giving this guy the attention he craves, at the same time making a mountain out of a molehill.

Second, I’ll attack the message. No one cares. Well, no one who matters cares. The thing you have to understand about Palo Altans is that their number one hobby is feeling superior to other people. This is why they shamelessly gun for the highest salaries and the most impeccable academic pedigress, as this gives them objective superiority. It’s also why they drive brand new Priuses and use reusable shopping bags, because this gives them some amorphous feeling of moral superiority.

There is a not inconsiderable segment of these people who actively enjoy looking down their nose at college football. It’s the perfect storm, really. Football is violent. It’s generally associated with “rednecks” and jocks who value brawns over brain. And it detracts from the Platonic ideal of the university as a place fit solely for intellectual pursuits. Also, it’s very popular, and for these people it’s never a good idea to be in line with the great unwashed masses.

So they complain; they complain about how the money could be better spent on X, on how the time could be better spent on Y. They will often refer to the Director’s Cup, which is a kind of panathletic award Stanford wins every year based on its wildly successful minor sports (fencing, water polo, etc). For some reason supporting fencing is OK to these people; supporting football is not.

So you do have these died in the wool anti-football people, and they will bitch about the bathroom. But even without the bathroom, they would’ve found something to bitch about. The fact that Harbaugh has his own bathroom hasn’t affected the amount of the bitching; it’s only affected the target.

The fact of the matter is, Stanford has more money than it knows what to do with. For that matter, so does Arrillaga. Yes, Stanford’s endowment took a hit when the stock market tumbled. But it is still the most impressively overfunded university in America. So why were those jobs cut from the AD? Because even at Stanford, money is money. The women’s diving team (or whoever) might have won ten straight conference championships, but it’s still a monetary black hole. Always has been, always will be. Where Jim Harbaugh pisses isn’t going to affect that fact one way or another.

by 4.0 Point Stance on Aug 26, 2009 6:56 PM EDT reply actions