From the "how in the blue blazes did I miss this?" department (and the New York Times) comes the news that the University of Tennessee athletic department may be putting up billboards in Florida. At Media Days last week Kiffykins observed "that will give you something to write about that will help us, too. I’m not going to give you any more than that."
If Lane Kiffin's going to be putting up billboards outside the entrance to Northwestern High School in Miami, kudos to him. As far as I can tell, it's neither illegal nor against NCAA regulations. I view this as improvement for the Laner. Our little boy is starting to grow up. Of course, we don't know what the billboards will say. Heck, Kiffykins may not know himself. That's where you folks come in. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below. I have a few of my own, including:
- The Orgeron in a Forest Ranger hat, pointing a finger at motorists and saying "Only Y'all Can Prevent Forest Fires. Geuax Vols!" Admittedly, it has nothing to do with Tennessee football. But a 30 foot tall Orgeron dressed like Smoky the Bear is likely a better selling point right now than anything actually connected to the Tennessee football program. It's like using Tahitian bathing beauties under a waterfall to sell motor oil and hemorrhoid cream. Only with an ornery cajun and no bikinis.
- Bold lettering asking "Ever played quarterback in the SEC? Wanna try? Call 1-800-Clausen today!!!!!!!"
- A picture of "advisor/trainer" Brian Butler holding handfulls of cash with the caption "Turn Your Recruit Into a Stack of Loot! Go Vols!" This should be easy because all the Tennessee promotions folks would have to do is photoshop Butler's visage over that of the person in the auto accident lawyer's billboard they're papering over.
- A picture of Mike Slive waterboarding Kiffykins with the text of the First Amendment printed in full below it. Because our forefathers meant for us to be able to say stupid stuff to 17 year old high school football players whenever and wherever we want to. Any other approach is just fascist.
- Monte Kiffin playing jai alai with the most interesting man in the world from the Dos Equis commercials while decked out in road crew orange. See "Orgeron in Hat" strategy from above.
What good ones am I missing here?