Maybe If He'd Just Driven Through the Living Room and Left . . .


I rarely delve into college football police blotter news. That's partially because Orson Swindle does it so, so much better than I ever could. And because it's a slippery slope. This time of year, if I wrote up every legal indiscretion involving a member of the college pigskin community I'd have time for nothing else. Including bathing, and none of us wants that. But just occasionally, there is a convergence of perp and circumstance that just cries out for recognition.

While it certainly lacks the panache (and horsepower) of Sergio Kindle's midnight ride, just such a moment occurred over the weekend in Knoxville, Tennessee. Former University of Tennessee quarterback and All-Name teamer Jim Bob Cooter was arrested on charges of aggravated burglary Friday after a tip from a female 911 caller. That Cooter was in her bed. Stop laughing. Why is everybody laughing? No, I'm not making this up.

Cooter allegedly crawled in the woman's window, stripped down to his skivvies, then jumped in the sack. It's been a while since I took criminal law, and I've never read the Tennessee penal code. But I always thought that "breaking and entering" or "trespassing" were when you broke into someone's house, and "burglary" was when you broke into someone's house with the intent to steal stuff. I have no idea what Jim Bob was allegedly trying to steal when the nice lady jumped out of bed and called the cops. I'll leave that one to your imagination (and the prosecution's).

At any rate, kudos to Jim Bob Cooter, for perpetrating a crime which actually sounds more like a long lost Three's Company episode (with Peyton Manning as Mr. Farley and Travis Henry as Larry the swinging bachelor neighbor) than a serious transgression. My guess is that he stumbled drunk into the wrong apartment without his keys. Which is funny at 19 but not so much at 25, which Jim Bob will be tomorrow.  Happy birthday, sir. Also, kudos to VolunteerTV in the link above for pointing out that Jim Bob's real name is "James Robert". Because Knoxville may be the only place on Earth where that doesn't go without saying.

Until later, lock your doors and windows, and . . .

 

Go 'Dawgs!!!

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