You have been prepared for this weekend’s matchups, both within the SEC and around the country, so we are left with just one game which is worthy of mention . . . or, more precisely, which is unworthy of mention, so I bring it up only for the sake of mocking the very fact that it is even being played. You know by now that this ignominious contest is the national game of disinterest.
Lest I leave you lingering in suspense, I will go right ahead and declare that this week’s national game of disinterest is . . .
Let’s leave aside the fact that the team nicknames give this one the feel of a showdown between mid-level junior high school teams in an historically weak region.
Ohio at Akron? Akron at Ohio would merely be redundant. Ohio at Akron may require a rip in the space-time continuum to occur. It might take a wormhole, the dimensionally transcendental properties of Doctor Who’s police call box, or the Teen Titans’ Raven opening up the portal like she did when Trigon came to town just for kickoff to happen as scheduled.
That’s way too much time and effort for a Mid-American Conference game between Ohio (Ohio) and Akron (Ohio). I’m not picking it because I’m not prepared to alter the laws of physics just to watch it.