Don't Bet On It!: Around the SEC

I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I went 6-0 in last week’s SEC picks to improve to 35-2 for the year. Please bear that in mind when it comes time to review how I did in my national picks.

For now, though, our focus is right here at home, where conference clubs will be taking part in the following affrays, with respect to which I would remind you, as always, Don’t Bet On It!:

Vanderbilt Commodores at Army Black Knights: I’m not sure exactly how this is supposed to work. Is it logistically possible for sailors and soldiers to compete on the same field of battle? I don’t know whether you can take part in a naval engagement against infantry. Then again, the Cadets manage to find a way to play Navy every year, and, if West Point can’t beat a group of Midshipmen, how are they ever going to defeat the Commodores?

Kentucky Wildcats at South Carolina Gamecocks: Two teams trying to entrench themselves firmly and permanently in the second tier of the SEC square off in Columbia on Thursday Saturday. (Sorry; muscle memory.) The key phrase of the preceding (non-parenthetical) sentence is "in Columbia." Williams-Brice Stadium is a snake pit and Kentucky simply is not ready to go into the Palmetto State and walk out with a win. The ’Cocks will clobber the ‘Cats.

Houston Cougars at Mississippi St. Bulldogs: At first, I was tempted to think of this as a battle of up-and-coming mid-majors, then I realized that this was an unfair characterization. Houston at least used to be good as a member of the Southwest Conference, whereas Mississippi State’s last SEC championship celebration was interrupted by the news that the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor. (No, seriously.) I have just one question for the Cougars, however: "Are you the Mountain West champs?" If the answer to that question is in the negative, you aren’t beating three teams from BCS conferences in the same season. The Bulldogs will win a close contest at home.

Auburn Tigers at Arkansas Razorbacks: What do Gene Chizik and Bobby Petrino have in common? Tommy Tuberville still can’t believe either one of them was hired to replace him. What do Gene Chizik and Bobby Petrino not have in common? One of them realizes that defense wins championships. I’m picking the Plainsmen, dang it. (I hate Auburn.)

Alabama Crimson Tide at Mississippi Rebels: This game is in Oxford. Ole Miss gets ‘Bama in Oxford. The Tide will have to travel to Oxford to play the Rebs. Have you heard this game is in Oxford? Yeah, the only relevance of that datum is that it will give Brodie Parker McElroy some pretty sorority girls to scope out in the Grove after Alabama beats Mississippi.

Florida Gators at LSU Tigers: Stop me if you’ve heard this, but Tim Tebow has a head injury. No, not the kind of head injury you though he had when you heard him say he was saving himself for marriage after you saw that picture of him with the buxom girl in the low-cut brown dress; the man has an actual head injury and he may or may not play on Saturday. Given Tebow’s quality as a player and his impact on the Florida offense, that’s critical, right? Wrong. Consider these numbers: 7, 13, 6, 3, 14, 20, 15, 19, 6, 14, 10, 5, 21, 7. Those are the points allowed by the Gators during their fourteen-game winning streak. The Sunshine State Saurians have a very good offense, but they don’t need it, because they have an even better defense. Tebow or no Tebow, Florida will get it done. (Man, I hope I’m wrong about that!)

Those are my SEC prognostications for this week, but, lest my recent run of success in league predictions cause you to consider wagering on any of my forecasts, I should pause to remind you that I am overdue for a collapse of colossal proportions. Accordingly, my weekly caveat still applies: Don’t Bet On It!

Coming Soon: National Games of Interest.

Go ‘Dawgs!