Don't Bet On It!: Around the SEC
by T Kyle King on Oct 27, 2009 9:27 PM EDT
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PrintIn straight-up wins and losses, I was 5-1 in last week’s SEC predictions, although I misread the final margins by which the top two teams in the league would emerge victorious while nailing precisely the sort of game the Palmetto State Poultry would play. The upshot is that I am 47-7 in league forecasts this autumn, so a stumble is inevitable and you are cautioned, as always . . . Don’t Bet On It!
Here are this week’s SEC tilts, all of which will be played on Saturday because this ain’t the Big East, brother:
Eastern Michigan Eagles at Arkansas Razorbacks: Way to man up on the non-conference schedule, Hogs. "So, who do you want to play?" "Let’s play a team from Michigan!" "Great! How about Michigan?" "No . . . too tough." "How about Michigan State?" "No . . . too tough." "How about Central Michigan?" "No . . . too tough." "How about Western Michigan?" "No . . . too tough." "How about Eastern Michigan?" "The third-best directional MAC school in Michigan? Perfect!" I had to look up Eastern Michigan’s nickname---seriously, if the abbreviation of your university is "EMU," you need to call yourselves the "EMU Emu" and let Jimmy Clausen be your sideline mascot, sans costume---and the rule still holds: if I have to look up your nickname, you aren’t beating an SEC team. Arkansas wins.
Tulane Green Wave at LSU Tigers: I would make fun of Louisiana State for continuing to play an in-state rival that used to belong to the SEC and has been bad more often than good for most of the last several decades, but, then, we still play Georgia Tech, so I don’t have much room to criticize. The Bayou Bengals are going to steamroll the Green Wave into the asphalt of the parking lot and use whatever is left over to pave small highways in the Pelican State. (Why small highways? Because it isn’t called Fourlane University. Think like a Louisianan.) LSU keeps the good times rolling.
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Vanderbilt Commodores: If the Engineers are favored by 24 or fewer points, bet on the Ramblin’ Wreck. You may rest assured that Paul Johnson and his charges know that the Red and Black beat the Music City Sailors by 24 points and the Golden Tornado’s mission this weekend will be to defeat the ‘Dores by more. The Yellow Jackets will run right over Vandy and all seventeen of the Georgia Tech students who make the trip to Nashville will take full advantage of their only opportunity to tell an opposing fan base, "Give us your lunch money, nerds!"
Mississippi St. Bulldogs at Kentucky Wildcats: Evidently, UK fans are still a bit touchy about their school’s reputation as a roundball power only. (If it’s any consolation, we currently suck at everything except women’s gymnastics, and even that program is apt to take a step back this season.) This weekend, the ‘Cats have an opportunity to prove themselves in the Commonwealth. I don’t think they’ll do it. Dan Mullen has the MSU players believing in their ability to play toe-to-toe with the best in the league. That hasn’t translated to many victories yet, but the Western Division Bulldogs are ready to go on the road and beat a bowl contender in conference play.
Mississippi Rebels at Auburn Tigers: Will the real parvenu please stand? Fans of both schools are staring wistfully at their 2009 teams and hearing Rod Stewart’s "Reason to Believe" running through their heads. (The acoustic version from the MTV special, not the original single that was released with "Maggie May" as the B-side.) This will be the first season since 1994 in which these two teams meet without either of them being coached by Tommy Tuberville and I’m going to let my heart make this pick, because my head says to go with the Plainsmen and I hate Auburn, so I’m opting for Ole Miss, even though I’m pretty sure I’m going to regret that call.
South Carolina Gamecocks at the rich man’s South Carolina Gamecocks: Who knew a decade ago that there would ever come a day when two SEC teams were facing one another, one of them was coached by Steve Spurrier, and I’d say, "I hope that obnoxious SOB gets his tail handed to him on Saturday" . . . and I’d be referring to the other guy? I know better than to predict that even the Evil Genius is going to ring up half a hundred on the Big Orange---so far, Lane Kiffin’s mouth is writing checks Monte Kiffin’s defense can cash, at least against pro-style offenses---but this is liable to be the kind of game Darth Visor’s Big Chickens have specialized in winning: low-scoring and butt-ugly. There’ll be a safety in there somewhere and the winning team will not score more than 16 points, but I believe vengeful will get the better of stupid as Lane Kiffin tallies another moral victory and South Carolina strikes a blow for waiting until you’ve actually accomplished something before you start running your smart mouth.
You may feel free to run your smart mouth in the comments below, but, whatever you do, please be sure to heed the most important piece of advice you will get all week: Don’t Bet On It!
Coming Soon: National Games of Interest.
Go ‘Dawgs!
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To be fair...
… we don’t suck at everything except women’s gymnastics. We just suck at everything that is a revenue-generating sport for the University except women’s gymnastics.
Our golf teams and swimming and diving teams are top-notch, and our women’s soccer team is currently ranked 9th in the NCAA RPI rankings… their highest position ever. Not to mention the fact that the women’s softball team went to the Women’s College World Series in their most recent season, falling only to the eventual national champions in the semifinals.
I realize you were most likely intentionally using hyperbole to help our blue brethren from the North feel better, but I believe, on the whole, they have much less to be pleased about than we do from an athletics standpoint. Maybe that’s why they’re getting so pushy.
Suzanne Yoculan
Went to the Crossroads to have consistently edged out Sarah Patterson for two decades…Whatever Faustian pact she made, I’ll bet she learned from Pat Summit.
"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch
by Stuck in the Plains on Oct 27, 2009 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions
But if they could, I would be way more intrerested in equestrian events.
Because I’m picturing it in my head and it … looks … RAD.
From this,
I garner that you do not know many equestrian riders. There are plenty of good reasons to pay attention.
by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 29, 2009 5:01 PM EDT up reply actions
This attempt to cheer me up . . .
. . . is starting to sound like a Despair, Inc., poster:
“University of Georgia Athletics: Because Girls and Rich White Boys Deserve to Play Sports, Too!”
Go 'Dawgs!
Slightly off topic, but....
I think this would be a good time to nominate Suzanne Yoculan for Associate Head Coach in charge of Discipline and Quality Control for the 2010 Georgia Bulldogs.
We would lead the country in fewest penalties…guaranteed.
I want every college football fan in America to be as miserable as I am.
by RedCrake on Oct 27, 2009 11:14 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
this is a fantastic idea
to quote my favorite horror – action movie ever, A L I E N S “THEN WHY DONT YOU PUT HER IN CHARGE?!”
I would LOVE to see her in charge of detention for the football and basketball program – and i aint joking. SHe would have every members name and bank and ID and drivers license and insurance and grades, etc, etc, etc. she would slap a damn ACC cop in the face and say “You want some of this too?”
Kiffin
We may call him mediocre – and I fully expect that East Tennessee will be longing for mediocrity in two years – but Kiffin is really good at a few things. Moral victories, for one. However, any old (or really young) coach can pull off “almost wins.” What is most impressive about Kiffin is that he almost wins and makes Steve Spurrier look classy and collegial in the process.
So let it be said: Kiffin may be more offensive than Spurrier, but he compensates by being less capable.
by first and thom on Oct 27, 2009 11:43 PM EDT reply actions
Every team in the SEC is good at moral victories against Bama and Florida
Why do people feel the need to keep repeating that mantra with respect to Kiffin? Did Kiffin or anyone else on the staff ever use that particular terminology? Did you see any UT fans grinning with satisfaction at the end of the Bama game?
The Vols will get a victory against the slightly poorer man’s Georgia this weekend in Knoxville. And it will not be moral in nature.
________________________________
Eric Berry is better at football than you.
It's because, in true fish-rots-from-the-head-down fashion . . .
. . . every Tennessee fan from Lane Kiffin on down seems so smugly satisfied about close losses and the “proof” they represent that the Vols are on their way back. It’s why, when Coach Kiffin fils finally got his first win over a BCS conference opponent six games into his tenure, all of you jumped up and down when I suggested (in the course of insulting my own team) that Tennessee wasn’t any good.
I’ll give you credit for a nice try on “the slightly poorer man’s Georgia,” but history does not bear out your comparison. The fact that y’all are comparing Lane Kiffin to Nick Saban, on the other hand, speaks volumes about the South Carolina-like levels of delusion that have gripped the Tennessee fan base as you collectively work your way through the cognitive dissonance of believing there’s a plan and that Boy Wonder knows what he’s doing.
Go 'Dawgs!
There is a plan...
…and Kiffin does know what he is doing. I will return periodically to remind you of this.
Regarding your smugly satisfied comment. There may be some truth to that with respect to the Florida game for the simple fact that Tennessee fans, myself included, wanted to politely inform everyone who mockingly made statements to the effect of “no sane man would bet on tennessee at a spread under 40 points” that they were, in fact, quite wrong.
[Also, I was a little happy that the GDP for the state of Florida probably took a 20% hit after that game. And that I myself made some money because I am sane and at least insightful enough to know that the spread (29-30 points by kickoff) was based on the public perception that Urban Meyer was essentially a Jedi Knight that could just name the score before the game. I actually didn’t believe that Urban Meyer is a Jedi Knight. I still don’t. As such, I realized that the spread was essentially the equivalent of copious amounts of unmarked legal tender just sitting in front of me on my coffee table waiting to be grabbed. So I grabbed some. The only delusional people that day were the ones whose indignation over the man’s comments blinded them to the fact there was all kinds of pretty green free money just sitting out on there on the table….just waiting -begging - to be grabbed and tucked away in a nearby pocket or sock drawer.]
Your smugly satisfied comment, however, does not bear truth with respect to the Bama game. I thought we were going to win that game. I honestly did. I’d seen their offense five times. I knew they couldn’t score on us. I also knew we would have trouble scoring on them. But I thought we had a better chance of scoring on them than they did of scoring on us. I was not satisfied with the loss at all because we should have won. If Bama and Tennessee played a seven game series, I am not sure who would win.
Georgia was our first BCS win. There had to be a first. There will be many more. What I am interested in seeing play out is how long Kiffin haters such as yourself - who I now believe are just being irrational - will keep clinging to the idea that the man is incompetent. I’ll check back periodically.
________________________________
Eric Berry is better at football than you.
The above strikethroughs...
…are supposed to be em dashes. Don’t know how that happened. Weird.
________________________________
Eric Berry is better at football than you.
Whatever gets you through the day, kidbourbon
I had to rationalize a lot during the Jim Donnan years, too, so I’m sympathetic to your plight.
If I had undertaken to write a parody of a Tennessee fan’s excuse-making on behalf of Tosh.0, I couldn’t have written it any better. Good for you . . . unless you were being serious, of course, in which case, you may want to avoid describing other people as “irrational.”
Go 'Dawgs!
I'm looking through my post...
…for excuse-making. I don’t see any. Which part of my non-satirical post were you referring to?
And, yes, this line of thinking does get me through the day.
And I have no idea who Tosh.O is.
________________________________
Eric Berry is better at football than you.
Tosh.0 is the guy from Comedy Central who looks just like Lane Kiffin
Here’s what I’m talking about:
The Vols were upbeat during practice, and Kiffin said he thought they had recognized how much they had improved from the blowouts they suffered to the Crimson Tide in 2007 and 2008.
“For the guys that have been there, they’ve had two years of just getting run up and down the field by that team and getting dominated. So they see the difference. They see where they’re going and it’s a powerful message,” he said.
If your guy’s got you buying in after losses, you’re making excuses.
Go 'Dawgs!
You're honestly nervous about picking the Rebels?
I know we rarely defeat Auburn, and never is it handily done, but their defense is absolutely horrible. Furthermore, their offense has looked terrible over the last three weeks against teams (LSU, Kentucky, Arkansas) whose defenses are statistically worse than Ole Miss’.
As a Rebel fan, I will forever be cautious with victory predictions, but this one could get out of hand.
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Oct 28, 2009 9:19 AM EDT reply actions
I have to agree
Auburn is imploding like no one has ever imploded, not even 2008 Auburn. Ole Miss wins and covers the surprisingly low spread.
Of course, whenever a spread surprises me, it almost always means something, so who knows.
Auburn confuses me.
Is it a full fledged downward spiral? Or is there a chance for a bounce-back?
I have no idea. And thus I will not be betting on this one.
________________________________
Eric Berry is better at football than you.
Auburn up 10-7 on Ole Miss at the half
That may not stand up, and I hope it doesn’t (I hate Auburn), but that at least offers some indication of why I was nervous picking the Rebels.
I, like kidbourbon, am confused by the Plainsmen, as I am by Mississippi. Who knows which team you’re going to get?
Go 'Dawgs!
Game will go toe to toe
The UK – MSU game will be tight because Mullen does have his dogs believing they can play with anyone and it’s a must win for them. The problem with MSU is much like UK’s problem there is not much of a passing attack. I say UK will win because we have more althetic players on offense and a wider offensive package with the WildCobb. If Johnson and Lindley were healthy UK would be hands down favorites.
SCAR versus UT
I am taking the road less traveled w/r/t Kiffin and Spurrier.
I am going with the over and a 41-17 win for the vols.
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