It’s the final week of the college football regular season, so I have one last set of picks to make, but I’m deviating from the ordinary order by selecting the national game of disinterest first.
Before I explain why I’m doing so, let me offer a brief recap of what the national game of disinterest is. I love college football. I mean, this particular season, I can’t stand college football, but that’s mostly because my team is a colossal disappointment, which has sucked all the joy from my life.
Usually, though, I love college football, so I can always find a rooting interest, even in what would otherwise be a game of no importance to me. There is, however, one game each week about which I am so utterly indifferent, with respect to which I am so entirely devoid of reasons to root one way or the other, that I refuse on general principle to predict the outcome of the contest.
That game is the national game of disinterest and this week’s national game of disinterest is . . .
Now, before I get another comment from ScrewKyleKing or his buddies, BoltKyleKing, NailKyleKing, and ZipTieFastenerKyleKing, let me hasten to add that I am not ragging on the Sun Belt per se. (Well, O.K., maybe I’m ragging on Louisiana-Lafayette just a little.)
I’m sure both of these universities are fine educational institutions with much to offer in the way of academic instruction and extracurricular activities. I have no doubt that intellectually enlightening and socially useful research is being done on both campuses, and that, you know, they both have campuses. I have every confidence that each school has produced many fine alumni, such as Louisiana-Lafayette’s Ali Landry and M.T.S.U.’s George Clinton.
It’s just that, after an emotionally debilitating season culminating in just the twelfth Georgia loss to Georgia Tech of my lifetime---I turned 40 a month ago---I’m ready to reorient myself away from college football and think about something else for a while. I’ll dive back into college football this weekend, but, for now, I’d like to relax a little bit.
So what does ESPN do to me? The Worldwide Leader scheduled Sun Belt Conference football on a Wednesday night.
I’m good with Big East Thursdays and Conference USA Tuesdays and Mid-American Conference contests concurrent or consecutive on any day of the week, but ESPN is serving up Middle Tennessee State at Louisiana-Lafayette on a Wednesday?
It’s like the scene in "The Best of Times" where Kurt Russell and Robin Williams have dinner with their wives during the worst game of Monday night football of the N.F.L. season. It’s a test, to see if they can do without even bad football, and they flunk it by sneaking glances at the television during the game when they’re supposed to be proving they can be good husbands.
That’s what this game is to me. I don’t care about it . . . but I can’t look away.
I’m going to spend my evening watching Middle Tennessee State at Louisiana-Lafayette and loathing myself all the while. I despise you, ESPN . . . except for all the good stuff Paul Westerdawg mentioned, of course.
Coming Soon: National Games of Interest/Around the S.E.C.