Cocktail Thursday: Auburn Edition.

This Cocktail Thursday thing may be getting out of hand. If I didn't know better, I could have sworn that the entire University of Georgia defense was imbibing Bourbon Punch at halftime of the Kentucky game. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

The plan of attack this week is simple. We need to get to 28 points. Auburn hasn't scored more than that number against a Division 1-A team since the first week of the season (that's when they scored 34 on Louisiana-Monroe). It's pretty simple really: Auburn's offense stinks. If that cobbled together monstrosity was an animal, it would be a platypus. If it were a child actor, Auburn's offense would be Jaleel White. If it were a car, it would be a Yugo. It just doesn't really fit together in any intelligible way, and it's bound to break down sooner rather than later.

The one circumstance under which i am fairly confident that the Georgia Bulldogs will win Saturday's installment of The Deep South's Oldest Rivalry is if the Auburn offense is forced to perform like a Porsche. If this one becomes a barn burner, if the WarPlainsTigerPlatypi have to match us score for score, I'm fairly certain the result will be Kodi Burns turning the ball over late to clinch the thing. So what's the appropriate cocktail for a late fall barn burner in greater Opelika?

The Barner Burner, a new twist on the classic Barn Burner. You'll need 1 cup of hot apple cider, 1 oz. of Southern Comfort, 1/2 oz. of peach schnapps, and a dash of lemon juice. Mix it all together and garnish with a cinammon stick. If you spill any, just blot it up with some of the unused toilet paper laying around from the Vanderbilt, Ole Miss, Arkansas or West Virginia victory celebrations that never were. By the way, shouldn't a team that loses to Vandy, Ole Miss and Arkansas not only all in the same season, but in three consecutive conference games get demoted to the Sun Belt Conference and have to play their way back into the big leagues? Just a thought.

I'll be back tomorrow evening with the five things you'll see on the Plains. Until then . . .

Go Dawgs!!!

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Dawg Sports

You must be a member of Dawg Sports to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dawg Sports. You should read them.

Join Dawg Sports

You must be a member of Dawg Sports to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Dawg Sports. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker