Breaking News: I Accept, Then Reject, Alabama Job

Dawg Sports has learned that Dawg Sports author T. Kyle King has become the latest candidate to reject the Alabama head coaching job.

Speaking to myself on a condition of anonymity, I revealed that "informal discussions" between representatives of the University of Alabama and Dawg Sports initially led to an agreement in principle for me to become the next head football coach of the Crimson Tide.

King, 38, reportedly changed his mind when SportsBlogs Nation agreed to double his previous salary in order to keep him in his present weblogging position.

Speaking on behalf of SportsBlogs Nation, lead college weblogger Peter Bean of Burnt Orange Nation told the mainstream news media that, since King receives no salary from the burgeoning network of premiere sports weblogs, there was no financial difficulty involved in increasing his rate of pay.

"We pay him nothing," explained Bean, "so we easily were able to double Kyle's salary. Heck, if we'd had to, we could've tripled or quadrupled it."

"Quintupled it, even," added Bean.

When asked whether his willingness to make such an obviously bad business deal suggested that King might have been unfit for such a prominent coaching job, Bean pointed out that the Crimson Tide's last three head coaching hires were a man who had an affair with his secretary, a man who was fired for indiscretions involving a trip to a strip club, and a man who once replaced a quarterback whose shoulder had just been separated with a quarterback whose shoulder previously had been separated so that Brian VanGorder's tenacious Georgia defense could re-separate his shoulder.

"Kyle could be dumber than a bag full of hammers," Bean concluded, "and he still wouldn't be any worse than the fourth-dumbest guy to have been hired to coach Alabama in the last decade."

Despite not having accepted the job, King nevertheless reached an important milestone in Crimson Tide history by becoming the 150th person to reject the Alabama head coaching job.

Harried Alabama athletic director Mal Moore, appearing as though he had not slept, shaved, or bathed in days, had no comment for the news media when asked about rumors that he was considering rehiring Mike Price.

Go 'Dawgs!

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